I'm currently undergoing a pain state right now. It hurts, I don't know why. I thought it was all over between us, but seems like it'll be very difficult. I just want to say, good luck to you tomorrow for your op. I really hope that all well ends well. I believe, you'll be able to do it..

& no, you may think that I won't care or won't notice, but I know I will. Because, i'm going to spam calls and texts to your phone... Til you reply and tell me, "I'm alright"

Please, allow yourself to survive and pull this through. Because.... I know you will... Stay happy baby... please, stay happy..

another exposed blog of mine. haha, most probably update all my life events there. and if there's any deep dark dark secrets I need to share, it'll be here :p wahahaha...

sillyboy; stay happy always, and i'm not naggy!! I'm just concerned :(

The whole of yesterday, it was tough to get by.... I'm trying hard, to decide what I want. But it seems like, everything that I do, it seems to go the wrong way. Especially in making decisions. I don't even know whether doing this, is the right thing or not. I really don't know. But what I know, is that... whatever decision I make, either ways someone will be hurt. At times I question myself, do he really love me. Words yes, actions? I really don't know. Maybe I'm just being too demanding or maybe I'm just being selfish. I remember, that time I dressed up for him, just for HIM. Yet, I waited at the shopping mall like an idiot, waiting for him. He was still stuck in the hospital as his dad was watching him. I don't know, I actually hoped that for once, you would sneak out or least tell your father, just for ONE day.. You would just risk it, just to see me. But no, I waited for 3 hours alone, and by then, I still have to wait for van to come over and assist you? She was coming down from home! How long more do you want me to wait?? I looked around when people stared at me. I could feel that they were mocking me, dressing up and waiting for nothing. I felt........
I thought I didn't care about it, but it really did hurt for me. Did it hurt for you?

I realise, if things really did work out, and these things didn't happen. I believe that we would last, til the very end? Marry each other? Have a nice family and a wonderful house to live in. Wouldn't that be nice? Seems like its too late to turn back the clock, but I don't think it can even be done.

baby; you've been doing all the wonderful things for me, cooking my favourite food, sewing, chocolates?? I can't seem to thank you enough. The thing I made for you, for our 2nd month anniversary, its still with me. Everyday I open my closet, I look at it. I thought, when will be the day you come and take it away from me? Hmmm, til now I still hope that you would show up, right at my doorstep, and tell me, the hardship is all over. I want all these sufferings to vanish from your sight. I know, I once said that I'd be there for you always, and I will!! Since I said that, I will keep my promise. But the only thing that have changed is that, I'll be here for you as a friend.
I'll be more than willing to give you all the support you need to get things through, give you the hugs that you need! I would! But please, don't hurt yourself anymore..
I know, beebe had went off, and everything seems to be crashing onto you. I'm sorry for leaving.... I hope you understand that, I had my reason for doing that. But I don't know if I made the right decision, because you seem to be affected by me, in whatever things I say. You, will be the one suffering. I don't want that to happen.
I admit, the feelings for you, has slightly faded, not because of any other but it has.... I was thinking hard, on that Friday, whether I made the right decision. I questioned my friend, he said, if you made it, don't regret because its of no use? I agree with him, so I won't regret, but I really hope that I'll be able to help in supporting you again.

baby; friend or girlfriend, its just a status. I really hope you agree with me on this, and I hope that, after you read this, you'll gain some hope. I just want to say; I am and will always be here for you! I seriously, WILL! But even if I want to give you the support, you have to take it right? Things are going tough for you I know. But then, I seriously blame myself for leaving you in the lurch. But NO, I won't leave you alone. I'll be here for you. Get things over alright? Please, after reading this, I really hope you will at least, give my a text or call. Just tell me, you'll survive the Tuesday op! Tell me you'll be alright. I need to see or hear that. & please tell me that you will take my hand and allow me to support you and cheer you on. I know, status wise, it will be different, but I really hope you won't mind. I'm not going for any other guy, because now, I have a task! Will you accept this hand of mine, to support you? I really want to help you, and help you regain hope in life. I don't know how will I do it, but I want to!! Please give me a chance, to help you.
You can ignore this, if you think its over already.. Because, I wouldn't have anything to say. I'm really trying my best, and I want to give you the best I can. I can't buy you a home, nor buy you anything fanciful because me myself, I'm broke. & I barely have enough cash to get by meals, so its either you see me eat or not eat at all. But I did take care of myself, and I'm not sick.. because I know you need my support! so I cannot bear to fall ill, because I have to take care of you andy~

Stop deluding yourself, thinking that you can do this alone. I don't think anyone can. Since beebe is not there for you, I don't know if you have the support of nette or chun or who. But, I really hope that, I'll be able to help you get by...

please call or least, text me, by today..... 12midnight! I'll be waiting. If you don't text, I think I get you and I won't enter your life again. I'll vanish as a thorn from your life and hope that others will be able to push you on...

Take care~
#kimmy

I don't know if what I'm doing now is the right thing, but all I know is that, this game is getting too difficult for me to go through... I admit, I haven't given my best in this relationship, but its not because I don't want to. Its because of the past experiences and the previous multiple times of being made a fool out of, that scares me. I don't want to go through this anymore. I want to be strong for you, but I don't think I can make it. I seem to break down, or feel crapped whenever it comes to meeting up. Cause I know... What are the chances that you'll show up?? I don't know.
I'm feeling down once again. Yesterday wasn't such a good day to start these, because I was in the middle of a school event when we talked about this. It was hard walking pass people and with your red eyes, they just can't bear to see me like that and they stopped me, ask me what's wrong. I can't even open my mouth, because I know if I say anything, I'd just tear. I must be strong, and not let anyone see my soft side. I bit my lips and tried to smile every time anyone looked at me... the day was tough....

After school, some peeps arranged to go to sentosa to slack around, and celebrate Darren Eng's birthday. Being there really kept me relaxed and chilled.. I looked at the bikini babes around, the hunk guys and I thought, how I wish you were here with me. *Sighs* I stoned at the beach for quite some time. I was tired, I don't know why but my day has been an exhausting one I believe. Thanks Huanni for the egg + chicken + mayo sandwich. That kept me alive for the day ^^ Believe it ;
9am - bowl of noodles
5pm - egg + chicken + mayo sandwich
10pm - porridge
Look at my meal.. Nice right? haha. I know I said that I would eat. But seems like for my whole day, I didn't have much appetite and I really didn't want to buy anything to eat. Money issues. haha..

Hmmm, left sentosa at around 5 plus, went vivo to change because there were sand all over me, inside the shirt, pants and all! Thanks to Damien Teo! He's going to get it on Tuesday! Grrrr* Went to find a friend, went all the way to dover and slacked. Didn't know the night view there was super nice! Seriously, the stars were better from that side, unlike my area, tsktsk.. Slacked til around 9 plus before leaving for home. & please, no cab ^^, The cabby uncles scare me :x So went home, feeling all tired, I fell asleep soon after eating and bathing. Didn't study yesterday, so planning to study today. Hope I can spend my time wisely this time..

# not trying to forget you, just give us some space to think it through. If love abide, I believe that things will be better. Don't you?

Labels: 15 hours~

A quick update before I leave for some dinner, to celebrate (early) for my mommy's birthday. Amazing she born a year before Singapore. So I'd bet you guys know how young is she? :p And she has the same birthday as Singapore ^^ Nice right? Its like, having the whole country celebrate her birthday with her. Plus she get a chance to see fireworks during her birthday? :DD

She's leaving early for her holiday with papa and her friends, to celebrate her birthday. They are leaving tomorrow :( Take care mommy and daddy.. Bon voyvage, and take care!!

Hmm.. yesterday, it wasn't that good. Don't know why. but just felt that I could have spent my time more wise? Anyways, I just want to say, that i'm sorry for the mood swings lately. I think my pms is coming soon. Hope not tomorrow! because I have a sentosa to catch! :p wahahaha!

# baby take care of yourself. I feel very down at times, when you can't be there for me and I can't be there for you when things happen. I feel the.... space.. I'm trying to find means to fill that gap up between.. I hope that it'll be easy..
Everything seem to be going the wrong way. Just as I was ready to give it all, something comes popping up from no where! I shouldn't get affected, but I don't know why.. I am :x Sorry.. I'm trying to get my head into the game... Focus!!

Study hard peeps!! :]]

Labels: i love you

Tuesday! SLACK DAY!!
I'll never remember this day, because the only STUDYING period we had, was during CHEMISTRY?! Out of 11 periods, only 2 periods were studying?! The other 9? Were free periods! Haha, for some of my friends..

Period 1, 2 & 3 -- English
It wasn't a free period for me, because the classes were banded. Then my teacher was around. We did some summary and comprehension. It was totally tough going through 3 periods of ENGLISH! But hell, did manage to survive anyway x] Where as, my few lucky classmates got their 3 periods off! Because their teacher were off on course? :] lucky peeps!

Period 4 &5 -- Physics
My teacher had courses to attend to, so we got this free period, but we had some work to do. Did the first and last page, pretend to finish the whole stack and fell asleep :p hehes. Somehow, this skill is passed on by my dear brother of mine! Like bro like sis! :D haha!

RECESS
same old, recess with lunch buddy! Ate til shiok shiok :]]
but during the process, did some stupid thing. asked some stupid question, that totally killed me. ARgh, my and my mouth! Why can't I just shut it up?! Grrrr...! I hate it when I do something wrong! :((

Period 6 & 7 -- Biology
Suppose to have some test on reproduction on humans? But didn't really learn :p haha! Anyways, teacher didn't come! Oh hell XD but we got this relief teacher, totally awesome! He was a great story teller, motivator! He motivated me into studying and got me into high spirit :P Anyways I was eating in class then, crackers? Then the back door was open. Didn't know my dm walked pass. Then I was also texting, as in my phone was exposed! But lucky for me, he took the crackers, and didn't notice the phone ? :X ooopsy! Lucky me! :p

Period 8 & 9 -- Mother Tongue
THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE FREE PERIOD!! &, no matter what, it still is :p hahaha! We did some english paper! this time, I did the first 2 page, last 2 page. & slept. Kuku friend of mine, didn't allow me to sleep, then he tickle me, using his eerie finger. SUPER COLD! then at last, thanks to a smart gf I had, she suggested BINGO!! :D we played... then it was like.. super duper fun!! Love playing with them ^^, my class rocks! hehes.. Better treasure them, while I can, before it dispersed :X hoho!... played til classes end and, a

SHORT BREAK!!

Period 10 & 11 -- Chemistry
Did some SPA skill 3, and had some fun :p Then did more revision.. And that was the first proper lesson we had! WHEEE!!
Could have slept at home, and missed school today luh :( sobs

&&, I shall end here with a .
good nights sweet dreams!!

I miss you still :X hoho, and you too!! ^^ lalala~ good nightes
toodles~


# really hope this friend of mine, and his friend, will make up. Its not good to fight between friends.. :( really hope you two will talk or something ah ^^ please? :x Really saddening to see you two fight.. It hurts... good luck dudes

# haha i was silly to get affected over that silly question.. maybe I should be strong myself too. Maybe just.... not think so much... hmmm, wonder when will the day come?? I need.....you

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Thinking about you every day and night wondering are you doing the same
The days that were spent together will always remain
Don't give up, cause I'll always be here for you no matter what

I want to feel how you're feeling,
I want to go through the sufferings with you..
I wanna be the strong independent girl for you to lean on,
I want to take care of you..

I want to love you with all my heart,
I want you to not lose hope,
I want to be there for you always,
I want you..

>

Name; laoPO♥
Age; 16 this year
Sagittarius

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~.Wish List.~

01. I-pod
02. New Laptop
03. New Casing
04. Ear-Pluged - EarPiece
05. Get into NgeeAnn Poly
06. New Handphone
07. New high-cut shoes
08. 10th Ear Hole
09. NIL
10. NIL

bold ; italic ; underline .

♥laoGONG
♥stepHANIE
♥ragingPIG
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It goes out to everyone, including the reader, [YOU]
More love to the closed ones;
TWO in fact, no comparision because they are both my guardian angels~

1.my BABY - my heart has your name written all over!
2.ragingPIG - hongster {[bitch & bastard]}