Yawns~ At times I just wonder, will stuff bears talk?? Will they always be there to accompany you 24/7 and always be there when you need them? If that would work, I'd be glad to have little junior here to accompany me... He's currently under my chin, staring into the computer screen. hehes...

&&, today it was a rough and hectic day for me indeed. Morning was english period and I realise something, my english teacher has the potential of being a nanny! During english period, she was talking about us, and the 'O' Level Examinations arriving soon. & she started talking about taking care of our body, drinking loads of water and of cause exercise well! She starting talking about the consequences of our body getting ill, and hence causing us to miss this miss that. Or, if we were to end up at the hospital, we would have to take the paper IN the hospital~ Cool right? Alone in the ward, me & the invigilator staring at each other as I take the paper. No stress, with our own comfort zone. PERFECT! But what are the chances? Unless I try to commit some suicide "accident" of getting into a car crash, maybe? haha! Just kidding...

Next period was physical education. Again, FREE&EASY! We had the time to do our things, so we had this 4 round warm up and I was panting! Gosh, its not right! I want and needed to do well for the upcoming school running event! I can't fail my classmates neither my boy, who might be coming ^^ Really hope to see you there, cheering for me! Yes, I'm planning on going to gym every weekend for a run and work out? Or maybe just to a park to do running would do, hehes.

Mathematics was bore, as I've lost my A-maths book which totally sucked! Why would someone wanna steal a front page-less book? Even though it cost $28?! Gosh, I just hate it when I lose something, first my HUNDRED dollars pair of shoes, then my "present" keychain which was super important to me, and now my A-maths textbook! Dang, why am I so unlucky? *sighs*

Worse thing, after recess, we had CME, I was being the "high" me, being all talkative about some "voting" system and our point of view. We debated about things. & I had this comment that having the jury system in a court is fair, whereas 36 of my other classmates think otherwise. ME, alone VS all of em. Wow, it was tough :S But I tried my best, haha, quantity does beat quality! :p haha

Physics was bore, doing some SPA paper 3 thing, designing our own experiment. It was definately the worse time of my day, just pure writing for an hour, no talking.. I was bored to tears! But instead, I was being goodie girl today, I didn't slept in class, neither did I text! I switched off my phone during classes, and only turn it on when I'm having my break :) nice ma? hehes... I shall do this everyday, then I'll be able to focus well in my subjects and start preparing for my o's! hoho!

Break again and I had this conflict with someone today. Well, I kinda said something jokingly, didn't mean it but I guess I did say something wrong and in the end, got hurt in the process. I accidentally knocked my back side spine into the side corner of the table and for the whole maths period I was lying on the table in an awkward position, hoping for lesson to be over. I went to the sick bay for a while after that and didn't want to tell anyone of this silly incident. :/ kuku girl told andy about it! Urgh!! I knew he was going to nag ALOT, so didn't plan to tell him, but yeap, he did nag, ALOT! hahahah! Okay la, its for my own good =] thanks baby for the nagging sessions! haha..

I persisted in going for tuiton today, so limped my way for tuition and texted andros-ge and asked how he was. Yeah, he said he'll call tonight to crap with me, but I guess due to the nagging mom thing, he decided not to. well, not to blame, disappointed I am, but what to do? I can't force him right?? &&, dar is another one, with the mom being naggy, which is understandable~ So I guess I can't blame em. 2 most perfect choice of crappers to crap with me, yet both unavailable, guess 3rd and final choice would be the best, which is LITTLE JUNIOR! Realise that was what I asked in the beginning of my blog. Yeah~ Little junior, will you ever talk to me and hear my sorrows or joy or words? Be there for me 24/7 and give me comfort?? I miss talking to andros-ge, and of cause baby. Just cause he just called me 5mins ago to say good night? :] haha sweety~.. But I still didn't say much, and I'm in a moody state right now. A bit tired, yet a bit blur~ Tomorrow is going to be triple science and double languange period. Crap! I don't feel like going to school tomorrow, someone apply leave for me :(((

I just want to crap with someone, is that hard? I guess its too much to ask for.... Little junior, talk to me...

I've enjoyed going to church for the past 2 weeks. Been there twice, inclusive of today. It was fun indeed. I'm going to miss there, as due to my parents, they forbid me of going to church of weird and funny reasons; and ended the sentence with, " you have no choice of whether you want to go, you listen to me! " Interesting right? Yes, indeed. I thought we had this thing of choosing what religion we want to believe? But I guess all these only works when you turn 21. TWENTY-ONE! What an age. Looks like I have to wait til then, before being allowed to attend church, and hurray, another 5 years more to go. How short is that?? tsk, I hate this, I want to have a say, yet I don't want to rebel them. I really respect their decisions, and I could have continued with telling lies all the way? & never inform them about me going church, yet I picked the courage to tell them the truth. Yeap, I expected them to respect my decisions, but seems like they didn't. Oh hell, nevermind.... I'm just glad I enjoyed the day today..

I woke up quite early today, got ready and took a bus to meet up with andros-ge. This time, I was super happy about the bus ride to Bukit Timah, cause the bus driver was, not only HOT, but he was kind-hearted too! As bus drivers, as long as your passengers get on board safely, you can just drive on and continue with your journey. But instead, this bus driver waited for the old lady to walk up to her seat, then smiled and drove off. He was super super hot "/ *baby don't get jealous* =p haha! &&, finally met andros-ge and we went to have lunch together, me, him, little junior (aka bear) & we waited for marco to arrive. He took super long and we just waited while staring at each other; "stoning" for half-an hour? Not moving, and waiting for marco to arrive.

Soon, he came, they bought some lunch while I stoned and went to "church of singapore"! Was late, thanks to andros ^^ and the group people ate together, while andros was playing the guitar. Super nice "/ I envy guitarist, cause I can't play the guitar though my dad volunteered to teach? *sighs* Oh well, baby; know how to play any instruments? x) hahaha... We went up to start the session, and I told a lie about going to the library to study as I knew my parents would disapprove me of going to church. But, I did tell them in the end, but seems like its what I predicted, failed!! &&, we started the session, pastor Daniel was being his usual friendly and hillarious dude :D Andros was being his MSN 0.5 again!. He wrote it on his notebook and started passing to all to write.. Example Marco *online*, Sze Ern *online*, Andros *online*, Jesylin *appear offline* x)) Super cute! &&, during the session, other then listening, we were drawing. Gosh, didn't know he could draw? and its really draw?? He should have taken art, instead of pure geog which he's failing, BADLY!! haha. poor boy. But anyways, there's this kid infront of me, his name is Darren, Kawaii boy. Barely primary 3? & he kept on pointing towards "little junior"! He wanted to hug it, but being selfish me, I wanted him to myself, cause it was from someone special to me, :D bleh~~

For the whole session, it was disturbing Darren, Andros, drawing and hugging "little junior".. JEALOUS? :p just kidding ^^,
And after that we went for some games, and of cause Darren being sticky to me, he started to tickle me, then anyhow! Lucky never touch anywhere ah. I guess he's really high, sugar level to the max :/ hahah!.. Then I had to go home after that, Andros walked me to the bus-stop.. & we had to jay-walk -.- Great! One day if I happen to get caught for jay-walking, we shall know who to blame :) haha... Thanks alot, for dragging me across! Going home was a bore, so I drag my feets and didn't cross fast.....it was super dangerous :/

Took a bus back and home sweet home.. Discussed, or shall I say, consulted my parents about the church thang, and they were "NO!" but least they tried to give a reason, but in the end it is still, cause I say so :p hahaha! cute ah... anyways, that was my day... So tiring....

"~One way, jesus. you're the only one that I could live for"
One way - Hillsong (the one played by the church band was nicer :/ ) haha!

&&, did you know something?? Andy darling's going to sew something for me!!! well, it's going to be a handphone pouch, but hey that's not the point!! how often do you see a guy sewing for his girl?? Not me, I've never seen someone like him, to sew something!? :((( I'm so touched!! Seriously touched that he's going to make something like that for me.. awwwww, though he isn't the first, andros was 1st, making some simple yet it was hardwork for him "/ thanks!! But, baby, i'm proud of you!! sew!!! I can't even sew to be honest :p hahaha, maybe you shall be the one doing the house chores at home and take care of the kids while I go to work? x)) just kidding!!!.. *DREAMING* Can't wait for the end product :D wheeee~~

Labels: i love lil' junior as much as YOU

Its been quite some time since I last posted online. I've been quite busy, or let's say frustrated due to some fact of meeting unreasonable people, and another point to pin out is that I've been disappointed over and over again, that I've totally lost hope...

A few days ago, the first operation was made and let's say it was quite successful and some things have been removed safely. That's good. But the thing is that he's bald now, and he often has headaches which hurts me deep inside whenever he tells me about it. "/ I just wonder why can't I just help him lighten his sufferings just a bit? & help him, through cheering him up! That's my goal for the period~ [: Finally for once, I had a goal. Congrats to me ^^,

Anyways, I just want to say about today was that the O's Chinese ORAL examinations are here, and I'm freaked out about some topics and especially during the convesation part where I'd start to freak out about the topic and lose all my concentration about the answers. That would actually kill me in the exam hall and I might cry there, cause I ain't close to strangers, and especially strangers.. :/

&&, today I went to find andy baby, right after school to get something from him. A bus ride of an hour or more? Just to get there to get this teddy bear!! It must be a real important package as it made me travel so far for it :( But my motive was to meet up with andy, yet he didn't show up? Instead his sister passed the present to me and on seeing her, I saw the other one behind her. Yeah, its weird to see her, especially the facial expression she gave?!?!? I don't owe her a living and I deserve what I should get now!! :D kuku. Her facial expression killed me and gave me the idea that I owed her something big!! dang!! But on seeing her, I took off and left van with her.. Wellwell, i'm sorry van for not helping you :((((....
anyways, went to get some ice-cream and homed.. Once again, he failed to meet up with me, and I was disappointed and sad of cause. But luck me he called me to talk to me. (: nice right? hahaha... Took another hour home and walked home after that.....

Met up with alot fo familar people =D miss em all!! sobs... homed and rested a while before going to tuition.. mr low bought cookies and cream hershey chocolates for me!!!: D omgomgomg, its been a long time since I last saw it...!! then tasted it?! its heaven!! [<3]>
but one thing good about it is that..... it barely sticks onto his wrapper and I can eat it til i'm shiok xDD thanks mr low!!!!

went home and chatted online with phone.... so bored now and tired... going to sleep then?? toodles~~~

Up til now, I have actually thought that I needed a long time to think it through things alone, but no, I don't need that time, I don't ever want to be alone!! Andy, what ever happens you cannot leave me you hear? I need you, I really do. I've been stupid to think about the previous things.. I can't do without you... You're my batteries to keep me running and living.. Without you, its the end of world for me.. Yes, at times I may be disappointed but hey, I still want you, I NEED you!! BADLY!!

For the whole morning, you've been on my mind.. ALWAYS!! I don't know why? I thought I needed some time alone, but no, I needed you! But you weren't available, and I didn't know any other option of how to get through to you. I'm worried baby. I want you :( Yes, you're going through alot, I must be understanding.. I guess that is one point that you liked me for, so I must be that!! Understanding and willing to hear your problems, stand by you and be with you! YOU ONLY!! You're mine! No one will be able to steal you away, NO ONE! Who ever comes and challenge me, i'll fight through, fight with all my energy and soul, and never give up til I have you =]]

I'm sorry for being the childish me yesterday, but I really really hope you'll read this, I REALLY DO! and please, call me when you're awake, :[ i'll be waiting by the phone.. & take care... I'll date you some other time alright? but i'll be the one going to find you so you can just relax and rest at some place while waiting for me okay?

baby i love you...

Thanks andros-ge for enlighten me =] you're the best, thought it through about that question, and i can answer it to you with all my confidence and soul TONIGHT!

Labels: my love is going STRONG

I really, don't know what to say....
My day has been a hectic one, chaos all over.. Plans, that was what we had. But things had to go wrong, ALWAYS! Why? Why must this happen to me always? Is it me, or did I do something wrong that I have to deserve this?? I don't know..

Tuesday, the worse day of the week, yes indeed. The day was filled with triple science subjects, each for around 2 periods, and 3 periods of enligsh with another 2 periods of chinese. Interesting right? Total, I end up studying up til 4pm today. It was tiring but the thing that kept me going on and motivated me for the day, was the meet up with andy baby.. Yes, it was him all along. My source of energy and happiness! Hmmm, I didn't hope much, and yes, something did happen and the meet up was delayed. I was hurt and sad at first, but thank god he called after an hour of wait in school. He was coming over so I just waited happily, with HOPE! Yet things had to happen more than once. The bad news just come crashing onto me, I fell! I was depressed, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to say this "I knew this was coming" but I can't bear to say that. I know what he's going through and his sufferings. As his girlfriend, I must understand things right? I was wrong to think that way, and then I waited still. Texted his sister to get information of him, but I got this text "You shouldn't have left him waiting for a cab alone."

After reading that, I felt guilty. It was my fault. I shouldn't have left him waiting for the cab. I should have known better right? I can walk,run healthy but no, I didn't take the initiative to look for him! Crap! Kimberly, its all your fault!! Its ALL your fault!.. But I as I thought, why not find him wherever he was? Yeah, I went up, planning to go woodlands, but instead I went to boon lay. Some very foreign place for me ;[ I was alone again, I really really hated that feeling, but for him, I risked going to some weird place that I barely can even remember being around there? I got directions and wanted to visit him. But seems like mommy was being all "why ain't you back yet?" As you guys know, boon lay to bishan, it takes minimum an hour or so? I don't know. But seriously, time seems to pass more slow when you're in the rush! I was freaking out and wanted the train to move faster. But the speed didn't seem to increase, and the time taken between each station grew. I panicked! I wanted to see him and be there for him. But seems like as soon as I reached boon lay, it was already late! I didn't know what or where to go, but lucky for van, I got to the destination and gave what I wanted to give to andy, and went back.. Imagine an hour of transportation from one area to another, just to give him something? I wanted to visit him, but seems like the father is someone who's very strict. So I guess the only thing is that, I had to go through meeting van to pass her the things..

I went opposite to catch the next bus back home. I waited and looked at the time. It was running faster than expected! I worried again, so I decided to switch off the phone, and avoid all watches or anything that shows the time. I was worried for andy, and I was worried about us! On the way home, on the bus, I thought about things... I can't and didn't even get to see him... The only thing that connects us is the handphone. & I know that as soon as my handphone gets confiscated thanks to the overpowered bill, I'd be lost! I can't and will not be able to contact him, neither will I be able to talk to anyone.. Sad and lost.. The handphone, is all I got, and the main item that brings us together closer each day. With it gone, what am I going to do? Anyone willing to tell me? I'm really lost, and I don't like this kind of relationship. I want to be able to hold my boyfriend's hands, able to hug him and feel his warmth. & instead not sweet talk through typing texts, nor through the phone? I don't want to only see his words, nor hear him. I want to be able to hold him while hearing him talk, feel the warmth of his words and hands. I really would love to have that, but I really can't bear to tell him. I know typing it hear, he'll be able to read it. But I just want to say, I don't want to put you in a bad situation, to have you force or strain yourself. Baby, your health matter most. I don't give a shit about the warmth or whatever, as long as you're alright yourself, health-wise! You know your own health right? Why?? Why can't you just take care of yourself?? I don't want nor wish to nag on, because I know you're already feeling the guilt. But I just want to say, I want you to be alright.. Operation coming soon? Just do it, chances of success are low, but I have faith in you. I trust you'll be able to do it, yes you can. Do it for me... baby, i'm sorry to make you worried when I switched off my phone. I guess I needed some time to relax and think through.. Love you always...

i've lost all hope for another meet-up... I really have, i've died from dates...
& i haven't eaten since the lunch break, but seems like i won't be for the next few days, I have to appetite and i'm depressed, confused...
Someone show me the light path out of the darkness, show me the fun and leave the sufferings! I want the sunshine after the rain!! :/

I was all ready for the day out!! Too psyched up for the day that I actually woke up at 6am! I can't believe it. That was the first time, my reaction for a day out with baby?? Yeah, in simple term, its called "excited"!
I was waiting for the time, hoping it would come soon, but at the same time, I didn't hope for much. I didn't want to fall from a great height of hope. But nevermind, some things happened and I had to wait for him. Its okay, because for him, i'm willing to wait. I waited for hours, and it was super awkward to wait, in a dress in junctionEIGHT! Everyone was staring, I just looked at my feet. HEELS! I was freaking wearing heels :[[ *got a blister* I waiting, until I finally told him, you stay at the hospital, I'm going over to my friend's place earlier, so see ya~.. Disappointed I was, sad about the failure in meeting up. But I put up a fake front and.... called the friend but seems like she's sleeping still... DOTS!
Looks like calling andros-ge was the best thing!! Free and available as always~ [: But didn't really know where he was, instead I took a bus to BUKIT TIMAH!! oh my....! Super far, and plus we were going CHURCH! Haha~ What a fun thing? I didn't even had the slightest idea about church, cause that was the first time going there.. Andros-ge was being all nice again! So scary! "/ I made him wait around half-an-hour for me just to reach there :] nice right? haha! We actually WALKED a distance to the place, it was tiring :((( I guess inside was fun! WE had some session where the pastor was giving his talk, and the amazing thing is that, everyone was listening!! how nice if school was like that too :p hahahha! I WISH!!
Anyways, after that, went around the area with andros-ge, then suddenly we saw this vase of flowers and asked whether do i like purple flowers.. SO SMART! :D Well, not like i've recieved it before? But i don't mind :p Went around the "balcony" and up and down some stairs, having so much fun!! Then some singing and went to meet with his "group" peeps! What nice people!! (: went into some room together, played some games and had loads of fun!! hehes. Saw andros-ge laughing for once!! Thanks to marco xD what a funny dude (: But after some discussions with the peeps, I had to go. WAS LATE!! super duper late!!
Andros-ge sent me off at the bus-stop, I got up the bus and *sighs* all alone in a crowded bus. I don't even know where to stop, neither do I like being alone in a strange place. I just stood there, at the walk-way.. Then they were squeezing each other until...... some peeps knocked into me... Owww and ewwww.. Zomg. I really wanted to run out of the bus :/ but i just stood there, and........ ah dang... i finally got off at little india station, and felt relieved... Took a train to serangoon station and was LOST again :((( I hate this feeling of being alone and lost :/ haiz.. i nearly cried!! Like wth, where's this strange place and how to get to somewhere familar?! ARGH!! I was pissed with myself being so useless... I can even get lost in singapore?! What if its somewhere else like malaysia?? Haha..
Finally, after a long wait for some weird bus, i got there, just only 1 hour 45mins late.. xDD I was being all weird again for the night. Watched some movies with the peeps, talked with baby on the phone.. and went to sleep... The night was lonely, I was worried about what might happen :/ intruders in his house!! But, i believe he won't do anything, he has my trust... [:

Next day, woke up with such a huge headache, and ate some breakfast asap! Just in case someone might nag at me again ^^ Well, i don't wanna type anymore.... Ain't in the mood.. *haiz!* stupid ear, why must it hurt so much!!

&&, there;s school tomorrow!! boring? but i can't wait for tuesday (: whee~~

Labels: 1month5days baby

Early in the morning 6.30am! What the hell am I doing up so late and indeed, updating my blog. [: its a surprise, and all I can say, I've been waiting for this day for quite some time already. ^^,

Anyways, yesterday was super duper fun!! Meeting up with JASMINE MOO MOO MILK; aka my primary school friend was SEX! She's still as fun as she can be, being the cute little girl like I've known her since primary school. *sighs* I miss my primary school days. [: Wellwell, met up with her early in the morning. I tried on a suit my aunt bought for me, with some eye-shadow and stuffs. But I really really can't get used to this "/ But its okay, i'm going to try it again today!! But you know, one thing about these eye-thangs; you can't rub your eyes :(( Even it itch like HELL! Wellwell, sacrifices must be made to look pretty right? Hehes..
&&, I met her, went to hougang to get some "stuffs" from some peep! Wow, didn't know she does that too "/ but i'm still proud of her to be able to be so independent! :p Wahahahaha~ I feel so evil.. &, chat up with her on the train ride to vivo city.. Its... super tiring!! :[ I realise that I need to learn how to withstand long distance rides of the train; STANDING!! I don't mind sitting cause my butt gets to rest :p, but definately not sitting though =] Must train!! Everyday early in the morning, taking the first train to jurong, and back to bishan then to school xD I must be real nuts!!
Well, vivo was as big as usual, we kinda got lost looking for the cinema "/ But, we were smart, we followed the crowd and we saw... LONG QUEUE!! Omg, we wanted to use the AXS machine but no card ;[ Oh well, we queue with the peeps, and wanted to watch "don't mess with zohan!" BOOOO!! i ain't officially 16?! what the hell?! its just the month!! Why not let us in on the accord I wore make-up to look older?! xDD Just kidding. Oh well! Kungfu panda was selling fast too, so I guess that leaves us...... INDIANA JONES! Oh MY GOSH!!! One hell of a cute, funny, adventureous yet lame show ;/ What a waste of my cash! now, i;m officially broke! hurray xDD UFO ain't suppose to be in the dang show!! It spoils everything :] Oh well, what our luck!
Went around, Jasmine wanted to get a NOVEL to read! NOVEL!! What the? She's those bung girl, with piercings and highlighted hair [nice colour] WHO READS A NOVEL?! Oh my gosh! that part of my really shocked me :]] and she goes to the library!!! xDD what a cute girl!! omg, i miss her so much now :p
Homed after accompanying her to pierce her upper ear, so proud of her! *sniffsniff* and too, i helped her refill her zippo!! Thanks to watching kor refill it once, but too, mine overflowed!! ;/ i thought I was going to die!! I had flameable liquid on my hands!! xDD Sweet~
Sent her home, and I too went home, enjoyed the breeze of the air when I came home.. So cooling and refreshing..
HOME-SWEET-HOME baby!

welcome back [: and too i can't wait for later!! xDDD tuition was a bore, yet I knew some secrets from my school peeps from there :DDD hoho~.. Hurray to the day!!

Labels: 1month4days baby

a mistake indeed. I wasn't sure. I was not clear-minded when I said those stuff. I don't know.. I told a lie... I didn't want him worried... I drank to my fill and fell fast asleep after baby left. I'm sorry..

My day yesterday was a fun one, after chatting with andros-ge, I was quite alright. I just suddenly had this attack of 'the-conscious' at my brains. I was guilty of things that I should not have done. I wanted to tell him. Yet, at least now I know, baby's been there for me always too, I shouldn't be so self-thinking and just think for myself. True, I had to pick. Yet that doesn't mean the other have to leave right?! *sighs* I really don't know what to do. Beer really can drown your sorrow, but only for that moment somehow. After you wake up, you get a huge headache and of cause, remember the things that happened before. I guess drinking was a wrong thing, especially on empty stomach. I didn't want anyone to worry, so I just said I ate rice and some weird stuffs. I'm such a jerk....

This morning, after that particular text, I felt the world has crashed. Its like, losing a loved close one? So hurt and depressing. *grrr* I can't believe it!! But, if you insist, I'll leave you alone for that moment. & let you decide on how things can carry on after that. I'm sorry I said those stuffs to you that night. I was wrong, I didn't want to say anything but I too told baby about it. He was nice, and that's one thing that I really loved him for. He thought about others before himself. :] &&, of cause, if I treated him like crap, i'd get striked by lightning once I step out of house! But, this will not be called "repay" feelings, cause I know, I really love him, for all that he has done, and of cause being there for me, loving me and giving it all. I must be faithful to him.. Yes I must. No mixed feelings. I once said, 'only he can leave me, I cannot leave him' and of cause, I mean what I say! So I guess, SADLY, i'm going to stick with you for the rest of your days! haha! Torture you :D whee~

Andros-ge, you're my gan-ge, its wrong... haha, anyways, you're already going through alot, i'm here to help lift your burden instead of adding it on.. Hope you take it that i've never said anything yesterday [: &&, i guess if I really had mixed feelings, it'd be one sided and.. its too, no happiness.. Soo its okay to let it go.... Forget it...

Baby; i'm looking forward to saturday (: i can't believe what i'm going to say but, i'm going to dress-up!! ^^, i'd bet, walking around in my town area would really really attract all those familar peeps cause, i look feminine ^^ I'll try to become one too, NO PROMISES.. &, i want to see you in a dress!! I'd do the make-up for you pretty boy (: you'd look great! Sisters day out! you can qiao your pi gu and walk in heels, i'm so going to love it :p.. Love you baby~ I can't wait. don't disappoint me.....

*doubt plan B can be carried out now...* Hmmm, i wonder...

Labels: iMADEaMISTAKE

I love my aunt!! She's the best :D Well, she definately can't replace my mom, but I'm sure my aunt knows me more than me mom! My style of fashion that suits me, and of cause the colour I like! Somehow she always makes me feel that she's my second mom :D The one who really understands me, and of cause, she's being the "miss nicest" here today! Buying me new outfits!! [<3]!!

Anyways, let's start off with the introduction of the day! Got ready and left the house, not sure about where to meet her and I ain't familar with AMK central. So I ended up wandering the whole estate just to find her!! Urgh! Its like playing hide-and-seek :D Told you peeps i'm not good at directions!! *f9 to geog! hurray!*

&&, my grandma who was working there, she bought me some wonderful porridge to eat! Hmmmmmm~ Wonders* that must be what andros-ge must be eating for the past few days now.. SO NICE!! :p hahahhaa~ And.. Off we started with our journey!!

WITHIN; amk area, I bought... 1 black shirt, 1 shorts, 1 jumper? Or is that what you call that with the pants with those strip-like thing connected :D yeahyeah! That!! &&, on walking, a puma shirt, and a present tee for someone :D Wonder who uhhh?? ^^, A secret.. Depends actually.. :/ I guess one would like it, while the other...... I ain't sure cause..... Urgh! Its frustrating!....

Left AMK, went to bugis to get some stuffs from there too :DDD Ended up at MacDonalds, ate some snacks and replenish our energy before leaving to buy MORE!! :D got a dress then.. Hmmm, I guess i'll be wearing that.. It's the most feminine outfit that i've got? & I guess I'd look pretty young in that? :x haha!! You'll know it soon baby ^^

&.... Off to bugis street, to walk around.. Wanted my aunt to buy something for herself. I spent like... about hundred?? Gosh... But in the end, we ended up at some cosmetic shop, she got a "pencil" and some glitter thingy. For the eyes (: Guess i'll be using that too. Haha! I'm going for a make-over!! Be GLAD OKAY?! I don't usually do these :p

Off to find more things, but got real tired and went back to home town!! [<3]!!
Went to get the last item, which is a bag.. Hmmm, wonder will it match? hope it will cause.. I really hope my aunt's effort won't go to a waste :[ & make sure you like it too uh!! Or else... :/ Nvm, got no comments xD.. What i'm going to do to you, will be something that you'll FEEL!!! AGONY AND PAIN!! :DDD hahahhaha...

Home-sweet-home at last.. okay got to stop here!!!
Have to call kuku andros-ge to cheer that dude up!!! toodles :D

PS; [<3] TONIGHT- FM static

*yawns* Can't believe I woke up at 8 even though I tried to sleep more. Tsktsk, looks like i;m bent on sleeping less :p
Anyways, had a great talk with baby last night, Hmmm, I've thought it through. As his girlfriend, I'm not going to blame myself with stupid things. Neither will he. We will be going through thick-and-thin together, supporting each other in whatever ways we can. And especially, being strong for each other. iloveyou~ Just trying to hang on for each other, and one thing.... I'm missing you like hell now ^^ *shhhh* Trying to keep this a secret, or else you'll be airing your heads up high again. Tsktsk.. Just want to say, never blame yourself for the things that happen. NEVER! I'm going to hate you if you do that.. Promise me, you'll be strong no matter what. the ending Outcomes decides it all, but as long as I know you've been strong and had the fighting spirit to the end, I'm going to say this... "I'm proud of you my dear!" Yeap! Memories will be kept within me, happy things! I'll never forget you. [: you've enhanced my love life, and though there are ups-and-downs, I still feel blessed being with you. I don't blame you for anything okay? &, i will do things for the best for you. I don't know but I'm going to follow what I feel. Even if it means having to erase your memories of me, just to make you happy. Yes, it'll hurt for me, but for you, i'm willing to go through anything..
you're my everything.~But if you really left, it'll be hard on me definately, but to repay you for being strong, trying to hold on til the end, I'm going to be strong too! i must be.! I'll survive, and for you, help you to fulfil the things you've missed out {: okay? ^^ Take care baby~ Drink more water and of cause.. Miss me! :p [<3]

Seems like, due to the phone bill constrain. I guess it will definately be confiscated :/ I;m sorry peeps for those who really want to contact me or what. I'll find a way out. Either by buying a pre-paid card, or something ^^ But, don't worry. I guess i'll still have my laptop.. Soo, its still available? {: lalalala~

I want to apologise to ben for not jioing him out for the past few days :[ Seems like i'm on a tight schedule for the time being. But when school reopens, we can go out together right? Just in school uniform? :p haha! That's cute okay?!

Andros-ge, remember to stop zilian!!! Everytime take photo of your tongue! Aiyoh. Worse than me uh.. (: Just take care.. Til we meet next time, let's see how your tongue heals and we start being the best bitch and bastard siblings ever to evil-ly laugh at peeps!! huawahaha~~ Best at the...... "ehem security guard" but please control your adrenaline thingy. So scary :[ doidoi! okay, that's all!!!

having bball training soon! toodles peeps!

Labels: thanks to the THREE

One month anniversary (: Hurray~ I guess, my relationships would really last long {: though its only the first month, I guess... its going on strong! baby, I love you loads~ I really do...

Okay, A bit on what I did today. Met up with andros-ge today.. & he was being all "i'm early, you're late thing!" Okay we're even so stop it ^^ Went to town, clark quay.. In short, Its just pure walking, jay walking across the street, stoning at star bucks, at some staircase, at the roof of the esplanade, and quarrel with the esplanade security guard!! Okay that scene was totally horrible and terrifing :/ I guess I wasn't used to it.. Please don't be so fierce anymore, its totally scary! Argh~
Went for more walking, stoning and back to town, far east (: Waited for the piercer, upskirt some girls (not me!! So innocent) And we were totally being the bitch and bastard siblings :D we were totally in love with being the worse! Looking at one couple below, laughing at the girl crying, trying to guess what exactly happened! We were guessing things like, 1. She's crying cause she broke a nail... 2. She's pregnant and she's worried that the mom will kill her! etcetc. it was super fun!! :DD
Other thing, SHORT TONGUE!! Said by the piercer by himself!! Short tongue, wanna pierce tongue. Ouch!! I saw the process, I looked away. Too scared about the pain! Eeeee~ Okay, I don't want to pierce my tongue anymore!! No one can force me (: lalala~ Kuku short tongue!! Eat more ice!, Drink more ice water! Take care of the tongue! ONE MONTH!! after that, you can do anything you want, pierce the fork through (: be my guest! haha.. And after that we went back.. He went for school, i went home.. Standard.. But I guess I listened to his wishes and too pierced.. But it was my ear instead. (: soo total of EIGHT piercings!! woots!!! Loving it!...
17.06.08
This day, one of my fav days, yet, it wasn't suppose to be spent with andros-ge.. Instead, it should be my baby... But its okay. I enjoyed my day, and really hope he did too..


Actually, til now.. I'm really shitted about things.. Is it me or what.. BUt I feel like i'm failing.. Fail to be the gf.. I don't know.. Each time he tells me about his headache, and the pain he's feeling. I can't help but just to ask, "are you okay?" But in the end, he'd just say, yeap! not to worry.. *THE END*
nothing else.. I really don't like this.. I want to be there, to help cure baby of all his pain.. BUt seems like i'm more than useless... I'm not trying to say that i'm suffering, and no, don't blame yourself.. I just..... feel this..... I don't know how to say, and I doubt I even know the thing myself... Baby, I really want to talk to you... But I just don't know how to start, so I guess running away is my choice of solution... I want to ask... About how you really feel.. right now at this moment.. Its not about being who's right or wrong, but I want to understand you better... Sometimes, I'm feeling that i'm losing the faith in myself.... I don't like the feeling of being constrained when helping you.. Example of, when I hear you sick or in pain, I can only ask. Are you okay.. I can't do anything more.... I want to do something, I hate to just sit and wait... I don't know what to do anymore, but just to be there for you spiritually...
The feeling has definately fade, its my wrong and my problem this time, not yours... But i'm trying to get it back.. don't worry.. i'm going to stay faithful and strong towards you.. til the end...

baby i love you...

Somehow, my feelings are twirling up. The uncertain feelings surface and I think i'm losing it. Or in simple, I think I'm going to lose it.. My mind most likely. The whole week has been trying to fight through, having faith. Yes, I'm willing to go through all these, and I shouldn't complain. I know. Yet, after that sentence " let's break". The whole world crash onto me. I lost all my hope, I cried all my sorrow out. Til noon, I finally let go of things.. I didn't expect anything, but seems like, the journey for us didn't end. I'm happy, I really am. I'm feeling the whole of a heart again, but somewhat, the feelings ain't how it used to be anymore. I'm sorry... I'm finding the feelings back, yet I'm scared too. One setback of a break-up is one hell of an impact to me already, I fear that "death" might actually come across my mind, though I've been trying to be strong, fighting all the way.. Another fall, might really bring out the "outcasted" side of me.. I'm afraid, but neither ways do I want it to turn out. I want you, yet I'm losing it! Okay, I guess I don't really make much sense.. But anyways,

happy one month anniversary~

I shall start telling about what I did today. Had to wake up at 5plus today, as I promised myself, NOT to be late for the appointment. Reached there on time! But somehow.. Someone was LATE! haha, I'm so going to suan til I'm satisfied (: hehes.. He came, and we went off to town! Early morning 8am, for breakfast. Going to town, thought of the nice food there? Yeap! But guess what we ate? MacDonalds!!! Awesome, kuku head spoke chinese!! China man!! :D He ate someone which he hated, but it was his first time, so sorry :/ We went around town, visits to hotel toilets!! Awesome times spent!!! To think we were dreaming of staying there?! Each room cost hundreds, each meal cost hundreds! Total equals to thousands! Then we just went out, looking depressed. Well, least I got a chance to use the toilet (: hurray~ Went around the place again, around far east, around paragon, around herens, more hotels and finally we left town and off to ACS [barker]. I couldn't believe his description about the school so I thought why not check it out myself? :DDDD AWESOME PLACE!! dang, I'd kill to get there!! Sadly its a boys school. Hmmm, I don't mind becoming like the drama show, "hana kimi" and start changing into a guy, just to get into that school!! :D Woot!!! 1st sight was the swimming guys!!! AWWWWWW.... It was sooo nice to see em reflex their muscles and swim laps. Too bad the water polo team had training in the afternoon, so wouldn't be able to get a chance to check em out :( saddenning! But went to check out the places, with the lockers, library, basketball court, canteen, tennis court, concert hall, and we took lifts!! LIFTS!! they have LIFTS!!! what the?? I was filled with so much envy I didn't want to go :((( SOBS!! But in the end, went back to far east, and we stoned while waiting for the 12noon to strike and it'll be his dooms day :D haha! We had fun, strolling around, talking! plus crapping alot and we bought this anklet together. Dang, everytime he forces to pay! Its not fair! :/ I guess I owe him x( But nevermind, will try to get a mirror for him, hello kitty~~ :DDD pink pink!! :x In the end, things happened, stuff myself with bensandjerry icecream, I was desperate for ice-cream.. He too bought me that.. I spend soo much cash on him!! i'm guilty!!!! :[[[ Then I sent him off for school, he gave me some nice eclipse~ Which was my present :D lovely!! he actually made em for me... and one thing is that, he was there when I was down.. argh~....

Labels: broken, confused.., lost

Life is so fragile.. If you don't treasure it now.. I guess before you know it, it'll be over...

I guess our journey ended a day earlier than expected.. I was shocked, yet when I heard the news, I was numb... I didn't feel anything, neither sad nor did I want to cry.. I didn't know why, but I felt, I needed to cry, and wanted to.. Tears couldn't come out... Showing my tears to andros-ge was a bad thing, I guess I controlled it real hard.. & sorry, I might have spoilt the day out with him just cause of my mood change...

I didn't want this to happen, I was looking forward to the 1st month anniversary.. I was... Although I knew and hoped that there would be more than 1month of anniversary, I guess god was selfish.. I didn't know, have I owed people things, that i'm having this curse?? For once, i've finally put in all my feelings into this relation, yet... It has failed me.. Seriously, this was the only time, I loved my boy deeply... But it never exceeds the 1st month.. Its my curse, I can never have a relation... I don't feel like and have no confidence in having a new relation again...

i really loved him, why must god take him away from me?? WHY??? I can't even celebrate our 1st month together? Can't god let me have him, just for that day? Why?? Why must it be today????!!! **** hell! I don't know whether to scream now, or just cry silently in my heart... My day out, was a great one.. I was out with my ge, yet... Things have to happen. Why today?? Why?!?! Can someone tell me why??? Why must I suffer? Am I fated to not have a loveable relation? I hate this.... I really wanted someone to love me, and me love him... Is that wrong??? & why me?? What have I done to deserve this?? Why can't god punish me in another way, why must it be the ones I love.. If its something that I've done, LET ME SUFFER ALONE!!!! Why must you take him away???? I had faith.. He was going to be okay... He was going to suffer.. I don't mind losing half of my living years just to let him live!! I want him to live... Why?? Why must he suffer??? I want him to live life!! Just like a normal teenager! There's so many others concerned for him! I must have been that jinx in his life... Maybe if I haven't come into his life, maybe if I was just away from him, he would have lived....

I don't mind.. I don't mind losing half of my life, don't mind to have to leave him, or maybe if he does forget his memory, just let him live... I don't mind, having to eat vegetables and cut off meat, just to let him live... As long as he lives, I'm willing to do things... I love him, please don't take him away from this world.. There are many who needs his concern and he's a nice guy.. I'm sure all those sin that he've done, he'll change... But please, don't take him away from this world...

A miracle is needed, I know its hard, But hope is not down.! I'm sure he'll live.. and get cured from all illness!! Please, let him be able to do that... I'll do anything for him to be able to live....

As i write these, tears fall upon my keyboard, It feels flooded... I guess all my woes are all out... I was harsh to him, to his last texts... I'm sorry.. I just wanted to be alone for that moment.. I couldn't accept the fact that he's leaving me.. I love him so much, i sacrificed for him... True, I don't expect anything in return, but I guess, I just wanted his love... towards me...

Time's running out, I can't talk to anyone nor let anyone know these.. They'll laugh, they'll mock at me. I want to transfer out, I don't want to study there anymore.. My friends will be there, laughing at my sillyness, loving a guy whom I haven't met. Well, I guess i'm really stupid huh? Well, one of my close friend, I thought he knew me well, and will be there to support me. But instead, he insulted me and felt that I was a disgrace to him. Nevermind, I let that aside.. But instead, he joined forces with peeps outside, to go against me!! ME! Why me? I don't care at that moment.. Because I had him to go through things with me.. I was secured and safe...

But now??? I can't say anything... I don't know what to say.. I feel an emptyness inside me.. An empty hole, unable to be filled with anyone... Memories will definately be held, and I'll remember him... I want him to be able to forget me, able to forget all that we've been through, lose his sad memories and sufferings and start over again, that's what I want him to have.. I don't mind... I'll just watch, him being happy with a new and more successful girl, with better career, and enjoy the future.. I'm content already... But now... i'm at home, I can't really talk much to people.. Neither do I want to say anything much.. I rather keep my burden to myself... & maybe just try to erase things....

Again, i wanna apologise for spoiling the day out with my mood swings, I hope to repay you some day.... Sorry andros....

Hey, I guess the blog is just some place for me to write something about? Well, I just want to crap some stuffs now... (: ha~

These few days, after coming back from my trip.. My boy... He left for his operation... I was quite down, thinking and trying hard not to imagine the hard pain and sufferings he had to go through.... Just to clear some stupid illness within his body organ... My poor baby... I knew, I knew he was strong, he will make it through the operation and survive! For me :]
I had faith, and trust with him... I was happy and looking forward for his text, to tell me..
That was what I hoped for... Indeed, I recieve a text, but guess it wasn't from him, but someone else.. It says...

• what if he forgets me?
• what if he decides that it was troublesome to return back?
• what if he found another love one there?
• what if he suddenly left........ me, this world.....

I thought about stuffs, i'll be alone.. I gave everything up, for him.. I'm willing to make more sacrifices, just to have his time with me.. I just....... wanted him to be with me......

I woke up, finding myself lying on the couch, I woke up and found blood!! I guess I accidentally knocked my nose when i was sleeping and I thought...... this must be a bad omen! something must have happened!! I really panicked!!!!! I wanted to text, but i was barely 3am there??? I just waited for the best friend to online before asking her for information... I didn't want to disturb her anymore, but I guess that infomation is really important to me...... She was asking me to relax, I thought I should.. But the moment I sat back on my bed, I teared.... I've never teared this badly before! It was for more than a minute... I thought, how I wish I could call andros-gege now? I thought.... oh my gawd, i'm crying at that moment, how can I call him?? :/ But who knew? He called me instead?! At that moment, I breathed and was ready to talk, but the moment I hear his voice, the crying didn't stop.... Sorry, for hearing that moment of unglam moments, I could help it.. Wrong timing uh? :) haha.. dang, I felt so foolish..

Thanks for telling me, that I need not think so much... Although I didn't want anything to happen to him, and I did promise to be strong.. Yeah~ So I must! Until he comes back, I can just fall, and I believe he'll be there to catch me.. =)

After talking to him.. Buddies came online.. GOOD NEWS!!!

"sillyboy woke up!"

"& he sounded happy when I talked to him earlier"

"seems like he's able to make it back on time"

And does anyone knows what that means?! He's ALRIGHT!!! He woke up, he's happy and he's able to make it back.... 17th june... our 1st month. I was so happy then!! :) Thank the gods :') But but, seems like the man upstairs stilll didn't let him go. He left baby a present, a blood clot.. I thought, usually its hard to move with a blood clot, let alone sit a plane and come back?! I'm worried. I haven't got a chance to say anything but I really hope he could take care of his health first...

"Healthcare is more imporant than promises"

Even if he didn't return cause he needed to go for a minor check up, i wouldn't blame him. I really really want him to fully recover... I rather have him in top shape, and give me all his time, rather than have this minor time, just cause of the anniversary.. We can celebrate it next month or so? (: it doesn't have to be this alright?? I want you to take care... Iloveyou~

Labels: please let him live~

I don't know, I can't promise you anymore...
I'm trying very hard to perserver, but it seems to me that you're giving up.. please don't... I know I did promise that I'll keep going on strong.... Even if.......

But It seems like you're not doing what you promised... You said you'll be back.. And give me a surprise.. You PROMISED!!!! & I know that you will, so you cannot give up now! I don't care!! you have to come back... please...... I've lost many things, went through a lot just to be with you, you cannot leave me here alone!! YOU CAN'T!!!!

Hais.. Saying all these don't matter anymore, i'm lost and confused... Its like, I want to think positive but the bad things start appearing in my head!!! I don't know what to do...

She said... If you don't wake up by tonight, you might never......... You said you'll be back... How could you lie.... You said you'll never lie to me... But you did this time.. I really...... don't want to lose you.....

Baby please come back....

Just a quick post... From msia.. Expensive place... $3 per 20mins! Argh~

anyways sorry baby for not being able to return back earlier, to shower you with loads of love ^^, but baby, please do know that i'll be waiting for yoto come back alright? please don't give up and return! I'll be waiting! 17th june.. you promise for my wonderful surprise right? haha! since you promised, you must make sure you do it (: I don't CARE!! wahahhaha!
& sorry for not being able to return home soon! I'll only touch down at around 12midnight today :(( Sorry baby...
But althought you didn't get to hear my trip story, you can come back and listen alright? (: yeahyeah! you must ^^ you'll have the shock of your life!! hhahahaha!! and maybe a bit jealous :x HOHOHO!!

hope you'll read this before you leave for that 10 hours thang.. Just wanna let you know, i'll be there to support you, ALWAYS!! baby you're mine! ^^ and you better come back asap.. & never ever ask me to look for another bf again alright?? it hurts dammit.. :x aishiteru~
maybe its hard to express how much i hope to be able to talk to you now, but seems like due to some distance problems, we can't hais.... but when you're back, that's when everything will be alright!! right right? (: don't you ever dare to forget me of lose your memories of me ^^ and....... i got something for you! actually. its made by me! haha more meaningful! better get healthy and come back so i can give it to you ^^ hehehs


anyways i gtg! runing out of time! :D and...

andros gege and ben, i'm coming home1!!! get ready for my touchdown text!! :D 12midnight!!!!! HOHO!!!
misses you guys so much!!!! and don't laugh when you see me all black-ER.. i went body tanning!!!! :D seems like my limbs were also tanned.. so its.... from black to blacker :X lalalala..

Labels: iloveyou baby~

How's the new blog skin? (: haha~ My faithful reader! benjamin! Tag luh ^^

Wellwell, i'm leaving spore soon, seems like I've made some people pissed off, when I talked about not being able to return safely? :x Sorry people! I didn't mean to think that way, but actually, I was just thinking about the WORSE scenerio :x Sorry to make those around me worried...

But anyways, I'd say 7th to the 11th would be the fun yet the loneliest period of my life.. being away from baby hurts.. :x haha.. Haven't been a good girlfriend lately.. I guess~.. Been trying to make him jealous all the time that he's either hurt, or couldn't be bothered about me anymore.. Tsktsk, i'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't play anymore, though I really find that when he's jealous, its when he acts the cutest (: But... At times,people do have their limitations... When things get to far off hand, they blow. Baby has that too, i understand, I should really treat him well now, knowing the sufferings he's going through now? The pain and agony :( Baby take care... Imagine having to eat pills, injections, and chemotheraphy daily basis.. Its tough yet at times, I ain't there for him, yet I had to anger him more! Start crapping about him finding the other girl when he didn't text me.. Or even when he did, I'd be, you texted her 1st, and me next right?? All those crappy things.. I was SUPER jealous. I don't know is it me or my species that we tend to get jealous even at the slightest thing?? i;m trying to change (: I think the power of love has changed me.. Lately, erm, maybe treating to friends is no difference, but I guess towards baby, i've been "soft" :x Okay, me being soft is BAD!! real bad!! I have to be strong, and protect my andros gege from getting hurt! (: Haha, that's a promise I made him ^^ cute fellow~

Oh yeah, speaking about him, let me talk more about him, he's... ME! Me = him! we're going through totally SAME experience. We can even finish each other's sentence and feel how each other feels about a thing (: COOL huh?? :p That's why, he gives me advices, I give him advices.. Not sure whether they even work? but hell, I did try ^^. And dear andros-gege.. YOU DON'T THINK TOOO MUCH!! because you got your mei here to take care of you! hahaha.. Don't worry, at most if you get left on the shelf, you can come live with me and my husband (: WELCOME~~ or the other way round? :p if you're okay with it? xDDD hahah !!

and ben ben ah.. You stop keeping things to yourself can? Its like. CONFIRM CHOP STAMP will blow de!! I don't want you to be like my gf ah. :(( damn sad de ah. She may be a bit better now, but there's still trace of her saddness in her :( YOu cannot' be like that k?? i'll be the listening ear, but even if I can't answer, I'd still be your sandbag to let your anger out.. But keep your hands to yourself xD I meant.. VERBALLY! scold me, treat me as your enemy (: alright??? i'll be here.. (:

& to darling!. Don't know will you ever know this blog, cause haven't told you yet xD wait for you to find out (: I love you!! take care, remember to update uh!! And.... i'll be here for you always~ (: better take care of yourself, our journey has only just begun! we have loads to do.. and baby.. take care!!! drink water, grow more hair if your head get shaved xDD jking (: just make sure you live on, i'll be waiting.. Love ya~

Went out with tall dude today, I was frustrated. I was pissed off. I thought a lot of things..

I did something which I promised him that I wouldn't do, or else he would have to ignore me for the days! 3days.. That was the max... Tall dude, couldn't bear to take more from him.. haha.. But anyways, SP was a total bore, no hotties, but the place there looked nice.. Worth considering as its near to handsome's place (:

But anyways, was thinking about things, and planned on asking god-bro out. Seems like last minute rejection, well.. A huge blow at first, but after a while, got better. Hey, it's not your fault, (: I get it all the times. Last minute rejection or cancelling of appointments.. Soo, xiguan ju hao.. Haha.. &... Planned to play ball in tp, in the end.. Things happened and thanks to "rain" we had to cancel it and, I went to emo with my old buddy!!

Sat at some void deck and talked... the air was much more refreshing than usual, so was talking to the void deck cat, super cute, yet such a dao-er.! He was talking to her loved god-mom, and I went for a walk, and suddenly thought about the word.. KARMA! How freaky can it get?? Dammit.! What I've done to others, will come back to me.. I know it! I can feel it!.. I just wonder, will I be able to take it when that comes?? I don't want to love him with all my might, and he ends up leaving with another girl.. That's all I'm afraid of.. & another thing, my dearest ge leaves too.. i don't know how i'd react to that.. I'm lost...... I really hope that...... we would last long and I'll love you, for a long long time..

I have a bad habit, that I can't love someone for long? I can't! i don't know why? I guess that's why my relationships never pass 3weeks, NEVER!! 4 relations, all lasted not more than a month! haha. I guess gaogao really made sense.. WHAT YOU SEE, is more important and believe-able than what you hear (: thanks gaogao. i had fun today...

I love my darling, and i'm leaving, not sure when will I be back? Or will I even be back?? I might..... hais.. Don't think so much.. Til then, i'll miss you guys (:

~to ben, never forget you (:
~to andros-gege, LOVE YOU GE! i've got your back (: FIGHT EM ALL B-ia-TCH! xD

I dont know what to say or do, neither do I like avoiding the subject...? I'm fucked up about what happened, I'm sad about what wk said to me.. Its not that he's saying something wrong, but he made sense!! I HATE IT!! he ACTUALLY made sense!!! What the hell??

Being the 3rd party, is hard... I didn't want it to be this way. I expected my relationships to be pure love and one-one thing, who knew I had to be the spoiler of the relation?? HELL! I hate myself, I hate being myself!! I knew it was wrong, why did I have to continue?? Why did I have to fall for someone who's already taken?? I love him, i know that clearly.!! He's the only one that I loved deeply that even without texting him for a day, i'd DIE! i don't know why?? I think i'm love sick, every text he sent, i'd never fail to re-read the whole text over and over again, thinking about what he said. Sick right? Yes.. I know... But tooo, i thought about it, if only she didn't show up, and me and him were together one-one thing. How nice would it be? I love him, he loves me.. We were meant for each other...

But there's something I don't like about him, which is his... "xiguan" attitude.. Why? why must he have this attitude that, "xiguan ju hao" thing, which actually allows those other bitches to over-ride him?? why?? fuck hell! I hate it whenever i show him some attitude, and he says sorry instead?! Why?? why did he have to let me?? Can you stop pampering me? I hate this, i don't want to be spoilt by you, especially you! Hais....

Anyways, talked to some peeps today, 3 person, and one of them.... said something and was accurate about it... I don't know but..... being the 3rd party is difficult.. I might end up getting hurt, because of karma? yeah? maybe... but yes, there's a probability that he'll be hurting me, once I give it all into this relation.. I sacrificed my friends for him, even at times, during my free times for basketball , I give it all to him, It was all for him.. In the end, I nearly lost a few of my friends and they hated me, cause of my stupidity! hell, i agree with them that I was being stupid, but I was in love, is that wrong???? Hell, I read about things that girls would do for their love ones, and i thought it was stupid, but I guess i was wrong and understand that now..

Talked at the playground, and I........ fuck.. nvm what happened.. It was unglam moments... I didn't know how to react.. I was afraid.. I didn't want to get hurt, neither do i want to give him up.. I love him... I really do, but someone was saying... if he loved you, he'd be more concerned about your feelings towards things instead of the other? Yes, I know.. But, neither do I want to force him?? hais.. there's alot to consider and alot to talk about.. But I just don't know where to begin! dammit... I'm sorry, but I don't want to give him up and I want to give it a shot.. I believe that i'd make it through, and not fail like how the majority does! I can do it.. provided i'd be strong like....... someone...

I love him, that's all I can say, she took advantage of him, it wasn't my fault if they were to break up! i'm the innocent one.. but seems like everyone's taking me as their cause of breakup! dammit. but actually, he said he'll try to break asap, but i don't know how long can i take it??? i fear i might break.. infront of all.. I fear things... I fear of losing him too!... Sighs.... What to do???

My andros' gege is in msia and I barely have anyone to confine into.. Yes, other friends are the best, but.... i don't think anyone knows me best other than andros gege.. he'd really understands me, and he's ALMOST like me.. :x i really hope to be able to talk to him soon... & hope that.. he'll take actions too.. I fucking hate sharing!! ESPECIALLY WITH A BITCH!! get lost!!!! you SUCK!!

Okay! Let's crap.. I just want to say.. People who cut themselves to prevent their loved ones from leaving is stupid!! STUPID!!! Damn, I hate these people, I want to discriminate these people who does such silly acts just to try to win back their love or attention. GROW UP!!!
fuck you all~ I don't get it... Example;
your bf's leaving you.. So??? Just to want him back, you say.. "how can you leave me, without you i'll die" then you cut and cut! What the hell??? I know, leaving a loved one is tough, I know! been there, done that.. YES!! But cmon, what's the point???? You think what? You cut, he'll say, "ohh, you're willing to cut for me, come here, i love you *hugs*" ???? NO WAY!! DREAM ON LADY! How the hell did it even get into your brainless head?? -,- ZZZZ.. crap.. Okay let me explain how I look upon love alright? Maybe you reader(s) might have a different opinion, but here's mine..

LOVE
It's very simple! They are feelings, that 2 person, a guy and girl have for each other. Its either you have it, or not! Simple. Alright?? The courtship game between two person will be very exciting and fun (: that's what we call "stead" period of the relationship! Where the guy and girl go on dates, movies, watch stuffs, hold hands, hug and very importantly kiss!! Why kiss? I don;t know! I guess its cause of the special nerve that our mouth have that connects to the sensual hormones in our body?? & if the hormones are released too much, that is when the "dark room" comes where...... ahh you readers should know... More touching occurs and stuffs happen!! Then... after they wake up, they start freaking out!!! haha that's the funny and complicated part...
But other than that, its SIMPLE!! you guys!! Don't think so much!!

If someone want's to leave you, its simple!!
number ONE; its either you did something wrong that anger her/him and its unforgivable or she/he is just being paranoid about it.. Then when this occur, THINK TWICE whether you want to patch back?? Or just move on!
number TWO; its cause of some outer intruders! BUT!! never ever!! blame them FULLY!! actually, 3rd parties are sent by sooo called "satan" to destroy your relationship! If you two are really loving couple, no one can break your relationship with him! NO ONE!!! not even the greatest lightning strike or the earth quake can break you two apart!! Well, if you fail the test, then sorry but he/she have to leave you! he/she were not meant for you... & why should you NOT blame these 3rd parties, its cause, they were just there to make you angry, and what? you start acting all, fuck you, flirt with other guy/girl, okay lo. i also follow i flirt.. and what you end up with? 2 gf/bf flirting with other people til they break! uh-huh!! who's to blame?? YOURSELF right???? ask yourself, why did you have to act that way?? when you act that way, all your ugly-sides start to show.. your opposite will see em and feel digusted and of cause LEAVE!! and what the hell do you do, ohh you leave, i cut!!
FUCK! hell that's one of the lamest thing i've heard??? I mean, his feelings for you, its GONE.. G.O.N.E!! what you going to do about it?? huh? you tell me!? cut yourself, keep him by your side? yeah maybe it will work cause he has the soft spot... he didn't want you to injure yourself!! & what?? you got the body, what else more do you want?????? you got his body, but you can never get his soul, never again. by cutting yourself, you're making him HATE you more!!! you selfish bitch!! and what?? he have to spend his remaining days facing a bitch, someone who blackmail him?? and so? even if you have the body, the soul is gone, the feelings is gone, you will still be given the cold shoulders... and what?? do you feel better? ASK yourself that... do you feel that?? no right?? i mean, cmon, be REAL!! he's going to leave you, FACE THE FUCKING TRUTH!! why bother to injure yourself, scarr yourself for that guy? why not take the time to make-up, make yourself prettier??? and jio a cute-er guy?? :p hahaha that's the best!! ^^, maybe this new guy might love you more??? why not? its possible =) never give up!!

& just to let you girls know... by cutting yourself, you're making em hate you more!! SERIOUSLY!! you make em want to leave you MORE eagerly!!! please, don't cut, to keep him by your side.. its useless! feelings gone = gone!! alright?? understand that please.. PLEASE SPREAD THIS TO ALL THE GIRLS!!! make sure they understand this important!! -,-... or else, the guys can all kiss goodbye to their breakups :D hahahaha

How could you, play with someone's feelings??
How could you, because of the reason that you hated her cca, that's why you broke up with her?
How could you??

I don't know what to say? I don't know how to react?
I'm disappointed.. How could you play with her feelings?? Just because, she was from a cca that was discriminated by your cca peeps, and you left her??

You stead with her, cause she was pretty, you didn't mind her cca at first, but thanks to the widely attacks from your cca peeps, you started to lose feelings for her and you played with her feelings...
2weeks.... that was how long you were with her... I'm disappointed.. & I wonder will I be the next victim??

How could you?? She fucking loved you, and you played with her.. How am I suppose to trust you now??? you tell me?? After what you told me.. i'm confused.. i don't know how to react..Now... everytime you talk, i think about my future.. I'm scared.. scared to go deep into loving you... i don't dare to give you everything. I worry you might break it all once you got it..

I'm lost.. and disappointed... I hate this....

{{ i-love-youONLY.blogspot.com ]}


Thinking about you every day and night wondering are you doing the same
The days that were spent together will always remain
Don't give up, cause I'll always be here for you no matter what

I want to feel how you're feeling,
I want to go through the sufferings with you..
I wanna be the strong independent girl for you to lean on,
I want to take care of you..

I want to love you with all my heart,
I want you to not lose hope,
I want to be there for you always,
I want you..

>

Name; laoPO♥
Age; 16 this year
Sagittarius

LIKES
♥ laoGONG {[ 15.05.08 ]}
♥ androsGE
♥ benHANDSOME
♥ sitiJUNIOR
♥ shariSUNSHINE


~.Wish List.~

01. I-pod
02. New Laptop
03. New Casing
04. Ear-Pluged - EarPiece
05. Get into NgeeAnn Poly
06. New Handphone
07. New high-cut shoes
08. 10th Ear Hole
09. NIL
10. NIL

bold ; italic ; underline .

♥laoGONG
♥stepHANIE
♥ragingPIG
♥

It goes out to everyone, including the reader, [YOU]
More love to the closed ones;
TWO in fact, no comparision because they are both my guardian angels~

1.my BABY - my heart has your name written all over!
2.ragingPIG - hongster {[bitch & bastard]}