Monday, June 2, 2008;10:41 PM Y
And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3
I dont know what to say or do, neither do I like avoiding the subject...? I'm fucked up about what happened, I'm sad about what wk said to me.. Its not that he's saying something wrong, but he made sense!! I HATE IT!! he ACTUALLY made sense!!! What the hell??
Being the 3rd party, is hard... I didn't want it to be this way. I expected my relationships to be pure love and one-one thing, who knew I had to be the spoiler of the relation?? HELL! I hate myself, I hate being myself!! I knew it was wrong, why did I have to continue?? Why did I have to fall for someone who's already taken?? I love him, i know that clearly.!! He's the only one that I loved deeply that even without texting him for a day, i'd DIE! i don't know why?? I think i'm love sick, every text he sent, i'd never fail to re-read the whole text over and over again, thinking about what he said. Sick right? Yes.. I know... But tooo, i thought about it, if only she didn't show up, and me and him were together one-one thing. How nice would it be? I love him, he loves me.. We were meant for each other...
But there's something I don't like about him, which is his... "xiguan" attitude.. Why? why must he have this attitude that, "xiguan ju hao" thing, which actually allows those other bitches to over-ride him?? why?? fuck hell! I hate it whenever i show him some attitude, and he says sorry instead?! Why?? why did he have to let me?? Can you stop pampering me? I hate this, i don't want to be spoilt by you, especially you! Hais....
Anyways, talked to some peeps today, 3 person, and one of them.... said something and was accurate about it... I don't know but..... being the 3rd party is difficult.. I might end up getting hurt, because of karma? yeah? maybe... but yes, there's a probability that he'll be hurting me, once I give it all into this relation.. I sacrificed my friends for him, even at times, during my free times for basketball , I give it all to him, It was all for him.. In the end, I nearly lost a few of my friends and they hated me, cause of my stupidity! hell, i agree with them that I was being stupid, but I was in love, is that wrong???? Hell, I read about things that girls would do for their love ones, and i thought it was stupid, but I guess i was wrong and understand that now..
Talked at the playground, and I........ fuck.. nvm what happened.. It was unglam moments... I didn't know how to react.. I was afraid.. I didn't want to get hurt, neither do i want to give him up.. I love him... I really do, but someone was saying... if he loved you, he'd be more concerned about your feelings towards things instead of the other? Yes, I know.. But, neither do I want to force him?? hais.. there's alot to consider and alot to talk about.. But I just don't know where to begin! dammit... I'm sorry, but I don't want to give him up and I want to give it a shot.. I believe that i'd make it through, and not fail like how the majority does! I can do it.. provided i'd be strong like....... someone...
I love him, that's all I can say, she took advantage of him, it wasn't my fault if they were to break up! i'm the innocent one.. but seems like everyone's taking me as their cause of breakup! dammit. but actually, he said he'll try to break asap, but i don't know how long can i take it??? i fear i might break.. infront of all.. I fear things... I fear of losing him too!... Sighs.... What to do???
My andros' gege is in msia and I barely have anyone to confine into.. Yes, other friends are the best, but.... i don't think anyone knows me best other than andros gege.. he'd really understands me, and he's ALMOST like me.. :x i really hope to be able to talk to him soon... & hope that.. he'll take actions too.. I fucking hate sharing!! ESPECIALLY WITH A BITCH!! get lost!!!! you SUCK!!
