Monday, June 16, 2008;3:56 PM Y
And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3
Life is so fragile.. If you don't treasure it now.. I guess before you know it, it'll be over...I guess our journey ended a day earlier than expected.. I was shocked, yet when I heard the news, I was numb... I didn't feel anything, neither sad nor did I want to cry.. I didn't know why, but I felt, I needed to cry, and wanted to.. Tears couldn't come out... Showing my tears to andros-ge was a bad thing, I guess I controlled it real hard.. & sorry, I might have spoilt the day out with him just cause of my mood change...I didn't want this to happen, I was looking forward to the 1st month anniversary.. I was... Although I knew and hoped that there would be more than 1month of anniversary, I guess god was selfish.. I didn't know, have I owed people things, that i'm having this curse?? For once, i've finally put in all my feelings into this relation, yet... It has failed me.. Seriously, this was the only time, I loved my boy deeply... But it never exceeds the 1st month.. Its my curse, I can never have a relation... I don't feel like and have no confidence in having a new relation again...i really loved him, why must god take him away from me?? WHY??? I can't even celebrate our 1st month together? Can't god let me have him, just for that day? Why?? Why must it be today????!!! **** hell! I don't know whether to scream now, or just cry silently in my heart... My day out, was a great one.. I was out with my ge, yet... Things have to happen. Why today?? Why?!?! Can someone tell me why??? Why must I suffer? Am I fated to not have a loveable relation? I hate this.... I really wanted someone to love me, and me love him... Is that wrong??? & why me?? What have I done to deserve this?? Why can't god punish me in another way, why must it be the ones I love.. If its something that I've done, LET ME SUFFER ALONE!!!! Why must you take him away???? I had faith.. He was going to be okay... He was going to suffer.. I don't mind losing half of my living years just to let him live!! I want him to live... Why?? Why must he suffer??? I want him to live life!! Just like a normal teenager! There's so many others concerned for him! I must have been that jinx in his life... Maybe if I haven't come into his life, maybe if I was just away from him, he would have lived....I don't mind.. I don't mind losing half of my life, don't mind to have to leave him, or maybe if he does forget his memory, just let him live... I don't mind, having to eat vegetables and cut off meat, just to let him live... As long as he lives, I'm willing to do things... I love him, please don't take him away from this world.. There are many who needs his concern and he's a nice guy.. I'm sure all those sin that he've done, he'll change... But please, don't take him away from this world... A miracle is needed, I know its hard, But hope is not down.! I'm sure he'll live.. and get cured from all illness!! Please, let him be able to do that... I'll do anything for him to be able to live....As i write these, tears fall upon my keyboard, It feels flooded... I guess all my woes are all out... I was harsh to him, to his last texts... I'm sorry.. I just wanted to be alone for that moment.. I couldn't accept the fact that he's leaving me.. I love him so much, i sacrificed for him... True, I don't expect anything in return, but I guess, I just wanted his love... towards me...Time's running out, I can't talk to anyone nor let anyone know these.. They'll laugh, they'll mock at me. I want to transfer out, I don't want to study there anymore.. My friends will be there, laughing at my sillyness, loving a guy whom I haven't met. Well, I guess i'm really stupid huh? Well, one of my close friend, I thought he knew me well, and will be there to support me. But instead, he insulted me and felt that I was a disgrace to him. Nevermind, I let that aside.. But instead, he joined forces with peeps outside, to go against me!! ME! Why me? I don't care at that moment.. Because I had him to go through things with me.. I was secured and safe...But now??? I can't say anything... I don't know what to say.. I feel an emptyness inside me.. An empty hole, unable to be filled with anyone... Memories will definately be held, and I'll remember him... I want him to be able to forget me, able to forget all that we've been through, lose his sad memories and sufferings and start over again, that's what I want him to have.. I don't mind... I'll just watch, him being happy with a new and more successful girl, with better career, and enjoy the future.. I'm content already... But now... i'm at home, I can't really talk much to people.. Neither do I want to say anything much.. I rather keep my burden to myself... & maybe just try to erase things.... Again, i wanna apologise for spoiling the day out with my mood swings, I hope to repay you some day.... Sorry andros....I don't know anymore, whether to live or die.
I'll be strong as promised, but.......
I'll live, my life, and definately live for him...
I still love him deeply, even if I don't show, all I want to say,
Please bring him to a peaceful place,
Let him enjoy
Let him have his fun and happiness
I'll always be there for him
& I love him,
To The End!
