I still DO love YOU!&

Wednesday, July 30, 2008;9:59 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

What a tiring day!! *yawns*
Lately, I've been sleeping in class, not sure what's the actual reason, but all I know is that as long as I lie motionlessly for a minimum of 5minutes, you'll be able to see me in my lala, land :p haha!
Oh gosh, as I type this, I'm dozing off already! Argh!

Okay let's make this short and sweet? School was tiring, and the afternoon lessons were cancelled as the teachers had something on. Tomorrow will be a better day definitely :]
&&, today after school, went to find some peeps and hanged around. *yawns*

All i can say, my day today have been quite tiring, not sure why, but definitely FUN! :DD
alright, I'm going to stop here..

# please don't worry about me. I'm okay.. Just let me think things through first. I believe the doubts would clear up soon. SOON!!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008;6:38 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

"help me up pls. help me up frm this fall. help me up like u always did. i dunno how i am going to stand again but i need u to support me up. there's no one else willing to anymore.

You said this to someone else. I thought I was over it, but every single time I read this sentence, I realise that.. It hurts.
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do anymore. I realise, you need someone else, not me..
I haven't been able to be your support, like she has. I haven't been able to be there for you, like she does..
It's not about her, but its about me and my incapability to be able to give you what you need. I'm such a failure to you. Why the hell do you even like me? I'm nobody whom you should sacrifice for. I'm not worth the pain and hardship you've been through.
I'm ....

NOBODY!

you consider this friend of yours, you might feel that she's a better choice than I am. Think about it. I'm going to accept your decision without any questions, so as long as you make the decision, just tell me...

I'll just say, goodbye, and you'll never hear me pester you anymore....

Sunday, July 27, 2008;7:54 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

I don't like making decisions, but every time I just have to be so stupid to just make some silly decision, and cause someone else to feel hurt. I knew, I knew it was going to hurt him real bad, yet you still have to suggest this stupid solution! Why??

"你说的到, 我会办得到 "

That was what he said, isn't it obvious that he doesn't agree with you, but as he's willing to listen to you. He's willing to silently suffer, without letting you know. I... I failed to notice something as important as this. I don't know why, why is he keeping these from me. I really want to know how he feel!! I really want to... I know, he wants me to be happy, but without knowing what is he feeling, I can never be happy. I need to know what's going through his mind, and what he really wants. I want to be someone there for him. I want to support him everywhere he go and take care of him when he needs a helping hand. But why? Why can't I just stay on by his side? I always have these thoughts, about being there for him always, but at times, I'm scared. I don't want to be hurt by those scary thoughts about being alone again. I had thoughts, thoughts about myself being alone even though I have him. I just don't get it. Is it the sense of secure? I don't know how to put it, but every time I feel the insecurity about the surrounding. I guess the thing about guys being able to give their girlfriend a sense of secure, really matters. I don't know why. I feel that, I have to still protect myself even if I'm with him. I want to have someone, able to protect me, to show me our comfort zone, and when being with him, I feel secure and feel that there's something surrounding us, which will be protecting me. Yes, I believe that's what I want. He has been there for me, always been there for me to give me support and all, but I guess the thing I'm lacking now... is the sense of secure.

haha~ amazing why am I talking about all these shitty things, when I know that I've already torn his heart apart from his fragile body? He's not enjoying the moments spent with me, and I've been giving him troubles ever since I came into his wonderful life. I haven't been able to give him what he needs. Every successful guy has a female beside him, and because that female is me, his successful life has overturn into a chaotic one.. *sighs*

I want things to restart, things to turn out for the better. When will that day come? Time is running out, I have no time for games... If this continues, I might have to wait til next year til graduation.. hell...

Saturday, July 26, 2008;11:25 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Once again, its the same ending. *laughs* I don't know what to say, neither do I want to say or comment anything about my day...
True, the morning was awesome because I managed to finish my E-mathematics papers, with the help with the handy dandy ragingPIG! Took some effort to persuade him to do the E-maths paper 1, while I did the E-maths paper 2. It was awesome, and its productive! [:

After that, left Marco and Andros, on my journey to some place, don't know where..
I shan't elaborate it, because I'm not really in the mood right now...

Just that, I really have to comments about things now. 7 times... Once bitten Twice shy... I realise.... at times, I must never get hopes up too high, because at times the sky might not be strong enough and just cause you to fall down.... Yes, I admit, I did spent my whole afternoon, for ONE purpose. It was worth it definitely!! Because whom I'm going to see, its definitely worth it, I swear...
Yes, the thoughts were there, but my hopes were not high, not close. I've been hurt, for quite some time.. So, I'm just being prepared.... 3.10pm, the time the wonderful text came in! My hopes flew up!! I was excited, oh my gosh... In a few moments time, I'm going to be able to see him {: I was high, as if I was on drugs! then, I waited...... & waited....

As time pass by, I begun to lose the hope again.. I didn't want to say this, but the words kept ringing in my head.. "he's not going to show up".. I kept on thinking, or at least hoped he would! til 5.45pm... That was when, I said goodbye.....
Goodbye day, goodbye everything. I just went back, disappointed once again. I didn't want that to happen, I was trying my best to put things aside, keep my good spirit mood up, but seems like... its difficult!!

I haven't felt like this... Neither do I want to feel this EVER... I don't ever want to be disappointed again!! I really don't want to!! I don't blame anyone, but myself only!! I really, can't make any decisions now. I'm having the devil and angel conflicts on my shoulders, telling me two different things about what is right, and what is wrong.. I can't decide, but I guess............. the ending of our story will not be like those fairy tale books, where they lived happily ever after... unless you can count on a miracle.....

You said, you needed me. I know! That's the thing that's keeping me by your side. I want to be there for you and support you in every way that I can. Yet on the other hand, I don't want to be a fool, a silly dummy who went to the opposite side of the country, to find herself... all alone...
I don't deny that you've been there to love me and given me every support that I need... I don't deny that meeting you, was the best thing that ever happened to me. i don't deny the fact that I did loved you whole-heartedly and wanted you to be mine to badly that I went head over heels for you.. I don't deny all these facts...

But you do know, there are factors that are erasing these happy memories off me. You do know that these factors are starting to make me change... Either for the better or worse~

I did want you, I did love you, I really do. But this is driving me nuts!! I'm in love with cyber dude! that's YOU! I barely, or haven't seen or felt you.... Its been all the texts, calls and MSNs.. That's all it is to our relationship. Our relation, its like a distant one. Those from LA, and Singapore. Its far and soon the feelings will definitely fade... You should agree with me on this area, because you know its all true.. Maybe you're feeling like this too, I don't know.... &&, we're definitely drifting. I don't know how or what to do already....

Every time, I try to take a step to find you, it'll be a failure plan. Or I try to force things, the results would turn chaotic... I'm going nuts, I don't think I can take it anymore... I want you, yet factors are affecting our happy ending results. Its turning them into horrible nightmares.. I'm sure you're feeling this too, and I'm glad that you tried to carry things on... You've worked hard enough, I think its time to just relax and chill. Get some breather.. Be a happy living person, be yourself and take care... i will always be here for you, no matter what status I have.. Even if one day we turn out to be foe, I'll still be here for you to support you. You can count on me....

Think it through about things... Today wasn't the cause of my decision. It was the trigger to let my emotions out... Think it through and tell me how you feel honestly okay? & this has nothing to do with other parties. Its just us and our problems.... We must solve it soon..... jia you..

Friday, July 25, 2008;11:24 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

75% drained! 25% left to survive through this blog post before saying goodbye to the day and good riddance (:

Let's see... My day was quite a tiring one although classes ended at 12.50pm. Classes... majority was Mathematics, so out of 7 periods, 4 were Mathematics, 2 for biology and 1 for chinese [slacking] time!
Mathematics was super stressful, because we started on a new topic and it was quite hard to understand for me. I was trying to pay attention, but I just couldn't. My mind was off the board and just thinking/hoping that it would rain. Then the road relay would have been canceled! Means we need not run for that short distance, hehes.
Actually, I'm okay with the event, if I'm the one going there to support? But definitely not going there to run, thanks to my health condition now. I've been catching a cold lately, and feeling some giddy spells lately. Didn't let anyone know about this, fearing they might not allow me to run. But I know they definitely need me, just as much as I need them {:

& as I was running, I thought of giving up because my lungs felt they were on fire!! I seriously thought about giving up, but then I thought about baby.. He was my boost for the race, I kept on running til I finally reach the end point. I let out a heavy sigh.. Finally its over, thanks baby for keeping me going on. I love you [: You were the motivation for me, and because of you I pushed on. Without you, I doubt I'll be able to carry on life. But please know, I'm glad too that things got better between us, and of cause we had put in loads of effort to bring the relation closer :] Thank you darling...

On running; we, teams for 4 had different running positions --

Joy - 1st runner
WenJing - 2nd runner
Diana - 3rd runner
Kimberly - 4th runner

Congratulations girls, we did our best, and it definitely paid off :] Thanks joy, for coming to replace Qi Yin. You did your best and we make a team! From the first runner we were 21st position, then slowly the rest of us caught up with a lot of others :D Til me! Last runner, I ended up being the 8th position :D Hurray~~ Congratulations 4EXPRESS3~! Three cheers for the girls and guys team [: whom are -

Dickson - 1st runner
JooChuan - 2nd runner
WengKit - 3rd runner
Aloysius - 4th runner

Went home with the dudes after taking some photos :p and, they bullied me ah! I was trying to find out some secret from the class, yet they kept me in suspense! Not fair!! Went home and got ready for tuition!
Tuition was another drain! I was totally out of gas already!! 2 hours, 8pm to 10pm of A-mathematics questions being shot at me. Urgh~.... At last,after coming home, it is computer time, and soon its going to be bed time (: Whee~~

# thinking about you all day long, keeps me awake! Been having sleepless nights.. Is it because of you???

Labels: this is labels and its not DUMB

Thursday, July 24, 2008;11:44 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Today was an awesome day [: Though it was tiring, and of cause, studying?! I still liked today :D hehes~

For once, we didn't fought, as in didn't agree with one another? We were totally being "cool" with each other :p &&, for once, I actually felt that I had a status to call of? Not saying that I didn't have it, but, now I feel that its clearer and of cause, the feeling was there. hehes..

Anyways, the day, was ALL the subjects, EXCEPT English. haha! Had history test today, which was a total mood-destroying thing! Early in the morning, doing history was the last thing anyone want for the start of their day right? plus I had social studies first then followed on with history!! Humanities in the morning! Whoopy~ haha
That was the day, mathematics after that, was alright. My mathematics teacher was getting angry over some students that totally destroyed their school when they actually threw WET tissue towards the celling of the homeroom?! Plus it wasn't theirs! It was hers!! She was freaking pissed off over it and went to find the teacher-in-charge! *funny* =p
Recess was alright, seeing the couple in front of me. Seeing them being so close really makes me so jealous! Argh~! Oh well, mine will come... SOON I believe? haha! then it was chemistry, and I got back the results for yesterday's test! I got, 13/25! I actually passed uh! But it wasn't good! I agree with what Tobi said.! Only by half mark. && it was a really really easy paper, yet I only passed by half a mark? How pathetic right? Tsktsk!
Chinese, did some English thing and for 2 periods it was total slack! hehes~ Lastly, biology! Finishing up about fertilization! && I was being ME again, total boredom and tired.. *yawns yawns*

Made our way straight for remedial after that, didn't take any lunch cause I wasn't that hungry! So, Angeline and I were waiting for classes to start, before we knew it, the teacher sent us on an errant to change the whiteboard duster. Then he wrote a letter... "please allow Kimberly of 4e3 to exchange this duster for me, signing off~ ******" It was super cool. We went to the general office, then showed the lady the note. Then she recorded the date and the paper note in a mini book. i believe this is to note that my teacher exchanged a duster. Then I was like, oh my gosh, how much can 1 duster cost?? Need to record too? *oh my tian~* haha!
My teacher promised to release us on time! So i wrote on the board.... *~~~ promised to release us on time, 3:40pm! *
& he did :d Super nice!! Chiong off to kap after that to meet Tobi to study!
&& that was when the fun started to come!
There was this chio bu at the table below, then we were like. "eye-candy", "goddess" etc.!! Super super funny! Before we knew it, the girls left for some shop somewhere else, then I was persuading Tobi to give the number to her?? Like, CALL ME ;; haha!!
He didn't want to, but I wrote his number on a paper, and included, CALL ME~ or at least text? hehes, and i added the [<3] signing off TOBIAS [TOBI]
HAHA!! super fun!! Then Andros came and left he note on the table for Tobi..
He may seem not interested, but in fact he was ANXIOUS!! "where's the girl?!!? Why so long still haven't come back?!?!" SUPER FUNNY!! A few of us, including some of the ACS [barker[ dudes were laughing our asses off! HAHA!! good luck Tobi (:

&& the girl saw the note and she was being all cocky luh! Like seriously, she saw she smiled and folded it and.... "threw" it somewhere else... Oh my gosh la! I seriously didn't like her attitude :((( poor Tobi, all heart broken now and crying?? hahahah, just kidding! But he left soon, and didn't have anything to do with her anymore ^^
but after he left, this mix-blood girl came in.. Eurasian Singaporean? Super cute super hot and..... (: don't want to judge already, but I believe that Tobi would like to park himself opposite their table and just STARE at the eye candy [: hehes!

After that, went some place to slack before going home by the bus.. The ride was long and cold, then..... it started pouring! Wet and soaking, when I got home and bathed... today was a fun day =] thanks for making my day people!! ^^

&& I DID STUDY TODAY!! I DID MY HOMEWORK!!!

&&, thanks TOBI for waking me up today with the morning text??!! But I was still late!! HAHAH!! OH WELL! BEATS being LATE-ER?!?! =)))
& today; or should I say later in the morning, someone's going to give me a wake up call!! whee~!!!! Let's hope he'll be on time =)) lalala~

# that was my day~ Sayonara byebye!
baby, sarang haeyo =]]
stay healthy and take care!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008;10:50 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Smiling (:
See, I'm smiling which means, the day today was a nice one ^^,
I didn't post yesterday because I was falling sick. I actually puked when I got home and felt super weak after that. I didn't have any appetite and went to rest early after doing my daily revision :D
I have my schedule all ready! I'll be studying from any time til 9pm, then after that I'll be going online to crap with the people :DDD

TODAY~
School was super, fun today? Not really fun, but just that it wasn't that stress today. The weather was super duper cold this morning and the wind was awesome! I think its strong enough to blow clothes off? Haha! Just kidding [: Morning was also cold and windy, then I was totally enjoy the wind and dreamed about bed *drools*...
Recess was still alright, texted andy through out the afternoon.
Then after school, went to junction eight with wangkang, shari, angeline... Went around roaming.. THen wanted to collect my stuffs, secretly?? But in the end, it turned out to be not secret! Crap crap luh! nevermind, hope I don't get into any trouble...

Chiong off to kap to meet Tobi there. Sorry dude! Was late thanks to that important and essential thing :D haha!.. And we did homework there, REALLY we did homework there!! SERIOUSLY!!
Then the "majesty" came -,- same old same old. haha!. We studied and Tobi went off first.. We left later, & I went to see the optician :]] I thought I was going to be blind, but they were saying my eyes were just tired. Must let it rest. Side-effects are, giddy spells and headaches.. So..... I guess, I have to zao now... I need my rest :[[[

# it feels weird.. I'm just being the stagnant me.. Accepting what it is now, and not doing anything....

Monday, July 21, 2008;6:19 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

I'm in a confused state right now.. I just feel super fed up at myself. How can I do something like this to someone whom have showed me with loads of love, plus, taken care of me, being there for me always.. How could I have been so insensitive to not notice the pain going through in him? How could I, be so selfish to think of my own needs, and not care for his? How could I do all these to him? How could you!?! I'm a real selfish girl, know that? Yes!.. I'm acting all bitch just cause he's kind-hearted and doesn't calculate on the things that you've done wrong. Instead of thanking him, I took advantage of him! Ain't I like the other girls? Those whom took advantage of him, where he really did put in effort in the relationship, to keep it going on!! How could I do this... to him.
Finally after knowing the pain he has to go through, instead of being there for him, I did things that made him pissed off! That made him do harmful things to himself! I'm feeling crap right now... Its all my fault. If only I didn't do this, if only I didn't do that. If only.... I had left them alone..

I realise, this isn't the only thing that's happening to me. Its.. 2 things, same category situation! If only I had left them alone, I haven't met them.. What would their life be now? Better definitely! Why?
because he haven't known me! The jinx of his live, to screw up his live and, bother him.. If only I hadn't met him, he'd be with some nice, sweet girl, concerned for them whole-heartedly, and love them!! Knowing me was the greatest mistakes of their lives. I believe they must be regretting knowing me, and screwing up their lives....

Honestly, I've thought about, death... For once, I'm loosing it! I've been saying stupid things about others killing themselves for silly stuffs like, BGR, but I guess I didn't know how must pain they must have felt, before deciding to take the plunge!.. Now I do.. I'm really, at fault... When I was able to make things clear, explain, I didn't! I hide and ran away from the problem, thinking that it would solve on its own...
I was wrong.. During this period of dragging, someone got hurt in the process. I didn't want that to happen, but selfish me, caused him to feel sad.. I made him sad!! how the hell can I do that to him??
A few hours ago, I thought, let's end it all to the pain, and stress I'm feeling now.. Once i'm gone, things might change for the better... Yes, I was on the verge.. I wasn't in the mood to study, my happy smile faded. I just lay... on my table.. Thinking of the different methods of death. Before I knew it.. I was... there... At the edge, looking down..... How would I end up? I don't care.. I didn't want this to happen anymore.. ..................

Before I left, I saw.... wugui.. hanging there... I felt the sharp pierce in my heart. How could I bear to leave him?? He was my first guy.... the first whom I loved truly.. The first, whom has loved me for me! Someone who actually know me inside out, found out my weak point and.... tried to change me for the better...
I once said, no one can change me, NO ONE!
But he did it! I changed, into someone else.. I don't know if its good, but I changed for him.. Realised that wugui was named after him
Wugui - hard on the outside, yet soft inside...
Yes, that's me... I may look very strong and mighty outside. But that was just my outer appearance.. I didn't realise this, until he came to prove to me.. That I needed support too.. He made me realise, I needed someone to rely on, so that if I were to break, I'd have someone to rely on.. Yes, someone.. To my luck, he was that one! We went through thick and thin, just to be together.. Yes, we did. Loads of sufferings, loads of hardwork... I want it to last, really.....

But come to think, I'm a jinx, what will I do to him?? Will I cause more pain into his agony life? Will I cause more tears to fall, just because of my selfish acts? What will happen?? I fear.... the most... I can't stand this... Maybe.... If......

Maybe... you might, feel better? I don't know, i don't like to make decisions!! Because every time I do, I make the wrong choice..... & harm myself or others. I don't like this. i really don't..... *sighs*.... What should I do??? Someone lead me the way....

Seeing your sweet photo, really brings the smile to me... I can't believe that, this is the cute you!, smiling all over... You once said, you've never laughed truly before, I was there, I wanted to make you smile to the max! But, seems like I can't do it... I failed... I'm a loser... If you have given me a chance, I want...... to make you smile, I want to leave the deepest impression on you. I want to be... there for you... because, you mean a lot to me...

# be honest, tell me the truth, tell me things and it shall only be meant for me...
# I want to change for you, because only you have the right to do that... You mean a lot to me....

Sunday, July 20, 2008;3:47 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Hello (: Its a great sunday morning, waking up at 5.30am in the morning, got changed and guess where we went?!

TOWN!!

for?

2008 Nike Womens' 5km Run!

Whoot!! How EXCITING is that?! haha! Its like, 5.30am in the morning, 8,000 females showing up at town, for the 5km & 10km run!! Imagine that?! haha, how many of you out there would wake up at 5.30am, pay money for the registry fee, and RUN?! Oh gosh! You pay them to let you run?? xDDD I was laughing at my silly-ness! How silly can I get? But its okay, because I had mommy with me =] plus a few of her friends, with a daughter! total, 6 ladies, wearing the nike outfit and we were READY!! We did the pairing up of running, then we went off after some MASS warm up exercise.

*note; some girls were cam-whoring in the nike outfit cause it was translucent, and the coloured bras were........ *andros would be laughing at this part if he reads this ;p*

Me and aunty nellie went off to run, we were totally "hot"! As in on fire?! We managed to overtake, at least.... 1k? people, NO KID! I actually ran around 2km without stopping? :p After what I did yesterday, its TOTAL record breaking okay? :]] hehes~ But, i was totally faint-like after the 2.5km turn. Before I knew it, aunty nellie was a few metres away and I was walking :) That's the good thing, you walk around town, plus the tall buildings, no cars, no people, its HEAVEN! I felt like I was "queen" there hehes~

Then I was jogging the last few km, then I saw the finishing line. I must beat the timing! I ran!!!! Sprinted actually, and tried to push ahead of the girls infront, but instead I got elbowed a few times :(( Sobs! But oh well, what to do? They were strolling into the finishing line!! I was sprinting!! What are the chances of getting knocked at?? :D

SO NOT MY FAULT I GOT TOUCHED!! :x

Lalala....

I didn't go for tuition because I was awefully late :[[ And I went for lunch/breakfast with the ladies. Had fun of cause eating tim sum! Its been a while since I last ate there :p hehes~ &&, my day ahead, was totally boring, don't think it'll be any better, because.. someone's sleeping his ass off since last night... 12midnight? til now?! I don't know cause the phone is totally enganged! ARGH! Its so not fun, he calls himself the hot-line, yet where is he when I want to ask something?!?!?! crap crap crap!! Oh well, least I had andy to accompany me :]] which was good, but........ remember the promise? To make decisions on your own. Alright?? :]

~signing off!

I'm still feeling the funny feeling now; it feels as if, its drifting...
I may be wrong, but I definately don't want to find out..
I miss the warmth of the talks; the sillyness of the jokes; the cuteness of the voice..
Everyday, its been sad times. Its either who's or who's fault, it has never been OUR fault. WE cause these problems together. Not one side alone.

"It takes 2 hands to clap" - I agree!

Indeed, if there's no one to anger someone, no one to fight back, will there ever be a fight?
Never blame yourself for the things that happens, because its not solely your fault..
True, I often blame myself for the things that happen, and I don't want to burden others, thus I take all the blame solely on myself. An example would be what happened yesterday, when I caused a problem, and Andros got it! I blamed myself for that, and Andros, I'm sorry!!!

The drifts scares me, I get confuse at things. & lately, I've been "stoning" a lot. Its not because I'm weird, but I've been trying to think, about the consequences of my actions. Would doing this, harm the others around me? Would it cause others to be miserable? Its a question to be asked, but the answers would only come out, soon.....

# imiss the warmth of the hugs, teddie~

# wonder how'd you taste? :x

Saturday, July 19, 2008;10:54 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Saturday, one of the best day ever in the week [: Why? Because, I get to go somewhere, where no one control me, no parents, hanging out with people around my age, and just be myself! That's the best thing ever! hehes~...
This morning, before everything started, I went out, to try taking a new bus to the church area. Didn't know that the difference duration of the bus ride, 52 VS 157, is of half-an-hour!? So I guess I reached the place, SUPER DUPER early?! I waited for the MR. ANDROS YIU for 40minutes! haha, can't really blame him because I didn't say how earlier was I going to reach, plus I didn't know the time difference was, THIS MUCH!? haha~ *PS; don't feel guilty, hehes.* So on waiting, I was pretty bored, so decided to "smile" at every bus passengers on-board :p AMAZINGLY, I managed to "seduce" the sweet uncles, and they smiled back at me. :]] HEHE!! I'm faithful okay?! Just that I was bored XD Sorry~~ :[[
After 40minutes, the KING finally arrived, with his RED CARPET! haha!! Just kidding! hehes~ Walked and hanged around, then I finally SAW IT!! IT!! ZIPPO DARLING!! my honey bunny zippo~ I L.O.V.E it VERY VERY de MUCH!.. its purple, and its new and clean and smooth!! Unlike someone's!? HAHA!! Zippo darling~ ^^, Tried to season it today, by flipping, lighting, flipping, lighting.. WOO~. PERFECT! XD
Went around, went to McDonald, find Marco and we ate (: Whoo~! Pei Jun, Sze Ern, Joshua came.. We were eating and having loads of fun questioning Joshua about what kind of girls he like! x)) Haha, we were totally laughing out heads off! xDD But but, after that went to find some other peeps,and went for service. I guess service today was alright, they were talking about being honest, and having integrity. Which totally blew me off! i need to confess loads of things man, like seriously! :x *shhhh* After that, we had this cel group thing, where we were discussing about things and played finger-guessing game. XD I don't even know what I'm doing ah; but I won XP
Then after that, something happened, I went out for a while to do something, and the whole thing was EXPOSED!! Sorry for causing so much trouble :(( I was really guilty for causing things, I'm so so sorry!! ;[ I emo-ed for the night through, and of cause, hanged out with some people, before going home.
&&, thanks to KING ANDROS; he made me walk millions of miles away! for a bus, which was located a few steps away only, but he gave me directions all the way to the other part of the WORLD!! SOBS, but lucky for him, I ran back!! Then the bus came and I got on board! LUCKY ASS!! Got home before I knew it, and home sweet home (:
I confessed to someone, about something wrong I did today, and I'm super super relieved!! XD Thanks for giving the push to confess the wrongdoing that I've done, I really hope I can be honest to others about things that I've done wrong too :]
Thank you Lord.

Friday, July 18, 2008;2:58 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Zippo zippo~ Its coming to me baby!! [<3] I'm so going to love it, bring it everywhere I go, play with it in school, and maybe plus the fluid, burn the school down!! Haha! Just kidding. Maybe just burn some peep's arse out of them! BURN BURN!!~
Thanks andros for going all the way to Far East to get it for me :D Exchange cash with goods! ^^, Anyways, because of this zippo, been cutting down on the food intake everyday. Instead of having recess, I've been eating breakfast = 1 raisin bread to survive for the day, til night maybe? Dinner! haha~ Pro right? Maybe in the afternoon, during recess I'll eat a bit then til night, I'll have dinner at night. Haha cool right? 2 meals in 1 day! Its okay, a bit suffering for zippo! My lovely darling~....

My day today was a relaxed one, because, its a friday!! hehes, first two period, biology. My teacher didn't come, guess she was pissed yesterday? haha I'm sorry!. Heard that she cried, and she's not feeling well today, so she didn't come. I think she's having some mental breakdown.
:[ Sad right? Aww, then biology remidial was cancelled! Hurray~. Then it was a-maths. I was doing my best,straining my brains in and out :[ But seems like I made some careless mistakes, which might cause me to lose a lot of marks! *yikes* Then it was chinese, another slacking period.! Yawns, that was my day before recess. Ate something during recess, before back to a-maths to learn more about integration! Totally confusing, I guess that's why I didn't get a chance to score, cause I was busy texting. :p hehes~..

Then after school, went for SS remidial, which was, watching "italian job" the ending, and once we finished it, we were allowed to leave and I accompanied angeline to some bubble tea shop, drank something and homed.. My day was so boring, yes it was... I was having my mood swings a few minutes ago, totally moodless to do anything. Had 10 miss calls, and I feel guilty... I guess, I'm just not the best gf I can ever be. I've been having mood swings, not caring for him, not shower love? tsktsk.. Plus, when he needs me the most, I wasn't there for him, some other girl was. I just feel that... Karma's coming.. Haha~ Maybe yes, maybe no.. I kept quiet the whole conversation with him. I just, stared into space.. before I knew it I broke into pieces once again. I didn't know what was wrong, neither do I think its his fault. But I guess I kept all the bad stuffs and memories inside me, they piled up and burst out of me just earlier. I was upset and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Thanks for andros, volunteering to buy the ZIPPO; awesome.. Thanks alot, claim if from you tomorrow~...

&, i'm going to bed now, I'm just pure... drained..... I need a break, from the world, and when I wake up, its time to study, study, and more study. Til tomorrow, that's when I start to PLAY~ and of cause, HAVE FUN! :D

Thursday, July 17, 2008;9:09 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

A silly photo for the day, me and little junior (: Given by someone special.
Little junior; lucky guy, brought him to so many places, and he tried to snatch the lime light from me uh! so mean x) I've brought him to, church, MRT stations, town, and a lot a lot of places! Lucky dude! Everywhere he goes, he'll get the attention seeker from all the people around, looking at his directions. Both guys and girls! Not fair!! x) SO cute right? :]]

Anyways, my day today was, quite.... high and low at times... This morning, talked to andy for a while before going to school, same old same old. On reaching school, we started off with social studies, which was a total SLACK period. Thanks to the teacher, she allowed us to watch a show called "Italian Job". Interesting show, and of cause, its such a nice time to watch a show, early in the morning! Then it was history. Thursday, its the humanities day, social studies and history consecutively! How bad can it get? :( The thing about history, the teacher didn't come, yet we still had to do some essay thing. Sobs, it was super boring.! Urgh~
After that, it was a-mathematics. We were going through this A-maths test, which i totally could've scored?! But the problem was because of the last question, a 5 marks question, totally easy to score, yet! Due to the lack of time, because I was busy texting instead of focusing on the question. Bleah~ So I left the last question blank! whee~ But but! GUESS WHAT?! I got correct for the first question, which is.. ONLY I DID!! *shocking!* isn't it?! hehe~ I'm going to get a lollipop from my mathematics teacher!! haha~ My reward~ :D
Recess was the same same.. *shhhh..*
Went for chemistry then, it was totally quite draining then. My head totally hurt and it was so warm! I nearly slept, but I made it through! haha, after that, chinese cum chemistry. We did some chemistry homework during chinese lessons and that was it!..
Lastly BIOLOGY!!!
my favourite! haha! Something exciting had to happen today?! Like super super funny! We were on this topic about, "sexual reproduction in human beings"
*like FINALLY?!* - quoted from the guys
Then the teacher was going through this topic, menstrual cycle! Then she teached, I stoned because I was totally tired! My dear girl beside me was already in lala land! haha. Then suddenly; my teacher took out 2pads! Which was, 1 with wings, the other without. She was talking about it, then I heard, from one of my guy friends, "where the wings go? Stick on the butt is it?" Then I laughed out LOUD!! It was freaking funny!! Then the teacher too talked about tampons~ About sticking it somewhere???? :/ don't know where? XDD haha! Super funny, but something had to happen after that, and I nearly got a demerit point!! ouch~ My records are totally CLEAN!, no way because of pads will I get 1 black dot! haha...

Anyways, talked to andy again, super funny ah! Purposely make me de! *BU YAO BI WO!!!* hehes... Went for physics, then homed... Totally studying like, from 5pm til 9pm!! SERIOUSLY AH!! haha, just that in-between I had breaks. XDD toilet breaks, dinner break, call breaks.. haha!.. and now, 9pm to 10pm, its computer time! &,... I'm going to bridge now! someone's waiting!! HOHO!!! toodles~

Tuesday, July 15, 2008;9:54 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Confused! I'm super super confused right now!
A short post, maybe about my previous days, I got my 9th piercing! It was done on the Sunday because of some reasons. I was disappointed, but oh hell. Predicted!... Monday was a total bore! Ended classes at 5pm, and went home straight after that. i really hope that, Tuesday 15th July 2008 was the best day ever! I was looking forward, but seems like... these things were predictable. haha

&&, I was excited from this morning, because I'm going to see andy! Like after a few months?! how cool? I knew, that my chances of getting to see his was totally low, but I hanged on, and I wanted to really, get what I wanted. I "ren" throughout. I didn't know what to do, I just pushed myself, to tahan the hard sufferings that I've been through, just to see and be with him.. Yeah, I'm not complaining, but just stating how I really felt then.. :(

Everything was alright, until this morning, when I couldn't see him anymore due to some reasons. :( I was totally pissed and angry, ; LEAVE ME ALONE was what I said. I felt really unhappy that the multiple times, we just failed to meet up! I was and am very angry......... I just don't know how to expressing my feelings.. I just felt as if the world has crashed onto my shoulders, and I felt the heavy burden. I feel super disappointed now, Really am...

The afternoon was my listening comprehension, it was totally screwed up, so I don't want to talk about it.. Went to find Andros for some stuffs. It was totally soothing..Soon I'll get addicted to it, haha! Til then wish me luck!! Went to find the peeps and we went to mac. Me, Andros and someone else went out mac HQ for a breather. I felt so much better and thanks for letting me share my things :{ My head was totally heavy and, yeah I stayed over for a while more before leaving for home.

It was interesting, but on the way back, I had a short/long talk with andy, we had loads of fun talking or should I say I enjoyed it. The time back was alright, til I heard some news from someone else. I felt that I needed to clarify with some man topic. haha! We changed position and went out for a breather. I had loads of fun and of cause was de-stressed! Yeah, I'm trying to rest and think for a while before someone told me something andy :( On hearing this news, I couldn't believe, and I clarified things. But who knew, reality hurts more! I just felt my heart has totally cracked into pieces and went down!! :[

I don't know why, I'm really glad you offered to help me that's why you had this mind-set to help me in any way, to help me feel less stress. :[ But,... I'm just scared, why did you even have this mind-set? Meaning? That in the future, you'll be doing it!! Reality.. I'm going to lose you one day, I know... haiz. I feel, that I've had enough.. i don't know, if this were to happen again, i'd break!.. for sure.... into million pieces.. haiz... I'm really afraid! :[ karma..... haiz.... I'm just feeling really really confused right now.. I need time to think it through......

&&, i totally feel like crying now.. Really...... tears fall upon the eyes... :/ I need time to think it though alone...

somehow, after reading something... I feel, that i'm really a failure.. Why? i haven't been the best girlfriend I can ever be. I've been neglecting the feelings and hidden meaning of his actions.. I used to think, i'm always the right one, he's always wrong. Yet this time, i know i'm in the wrong.. haiz.. I'm the wrong party.... &&, I hate this...... I need to understand people more..... haiz

Monday, July 14, 2008;6:27 AM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared

In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me

Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said

In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)

Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)

Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry

Because a true love never dies.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Read the lyrics, understand the song.
This is how I exactly feel right now; totally the same!

I can't believed when I actually heard the song for the first time, I realise, wow, its exactly how I felt...
Goodbye; its a difficult thing to say, and I'd bet not many like saying it, because it might mean, never to meet again....

& lastly, Because a true love never dies.......
Yes, that's between me to him, I don't ever think my love for him will ever fade off anytime soon because I think..... Nope, I'm sure, he's the best ever. But yet at times, I feel that..... Sometimes god is testing me. He wants to test my love for him, will it be strong enough to hold on and go through all the obstacles together. I'm feeling that I'm really being tested. & at times though I seem to have given up, my guardian angel, always pushes me back on track to continue the lethargic journey...

Guardian Angel; thank you for being there for me. It has been tough on you lately too because I've caused so many problems for you... I really hope that you'll be blessed with loads of love, from someone special.. She might be the one for you, and I must not be selfish to keep you always by my side to take care of me. No I shan't.. You must live your life too as per normal. Go out, have fun and of cause, find the true one. The journey ahead will be a tough and rocky one for you. YOu might meet up with the good people and maybe the not so good type. But its okay, that's life. You have to go through experiences, taste the pain before you gain. "no pain, no gain" [: & once again, thanks for being there for me, I'll support you always, by your side and cheer you on! Til you find the one, i'm here to help you and guide you, trust me (:

Sunday, July 13, 2008;8:16 AM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

I didn't want this to happen, I really didn't. I made a decision and I'm going to see if this will work out. Either ways, I just got news that Andy's going through a lot now, and won't be coming to meet me. Haha. I hate to say this, but yeah, I was once again disappointed...

The day you left for LA, I was sad, I was hurt that you were going to be somewhere far away from me. But I knew, you had to go there for your health purpose! I had no choice, for your health, to let you go. It was a hard decision for me, but I did. A few weeks ago, I thought, all the things I had to go through, was all over. But seems like it hasn't and I guess its just the beginning for me. The test, came over and over again. It seems like its never ending...

And now, its beginning all over again. Because I was afraid, afraid of being let down once again by you. It hurts... I have faith in you, to be there for me, catch me when I fall. Somehow things doesn't seems to happen as how I wanted it to be. I had a decision yesterday, I made it because I thought, we should have some time alone, while you focus on recovering and no matter what, I'll still be here to be your supporter, always.

Last night, we had plans for the next day, I was happy, you really managed to lift all the burden off my heart. I was looking forward, but indeed I didn't have too much hope. I didn't want to fly up to the highest peak and just fall straight to the ground, without anyone there to catch me. I feel lost without you, I want you to be alright and healthy. I don't know what else to do. I can only sit there and wait for news about you. But its terrifying! I don't want to receive any calls or text saying that you've been hospitalized, nor do I want things saying that you've fainted and all. I'm scared, andy I'm really scared. I felt so lost last night when I made the decision. Am I doing the right decision?

Yes, I made an excuse. There was a hidden reason as to why I made the decision. I feel that I need time, to think it through, and so should you... Remember the time you told me, it was because of me that you were persevering. Yes, I'm happy that I've been and had helped you in a way or another. But... I really don't wish to see your relying on me. I can't promise what happens in the future, and I too, want you to be strong, no matter alone or with me.. You can do it, so I'm trying to give this test a shot. I want to see the outcome of my decision and hope that all will turn out well.

I made that decision was also to prove something! I don't know what will happen, but the outcome will surface soon, in about a few days time. I'm going to prove something, but if things don't go according to plan, congratulations, and blessings~

This decision, might cause me to lose 2 guys which are important in my life. No comparison needed, they are both equally important. Both whom I need to protect and be there for them. If I really lose them both, I have no one else to blame but myself. I shall not push the blame to others and just blame myself, my decisions made and blame me alone. The two, have played important roles in my life, I really want to thank them for everything. I really do. No matter what, I'll still be there for both of you.

Andy;
If you're the star, I'm the moon.
If you're the coffee, I'm the foam.
If you're the chocolate, I'm the marshmallow.

I want to be the other one for you, but seems like in every way I try, its not working. I've tried ways to be there for you, but seems to me that I'm doing it all wrong.... Every time I think about it, its has always been me hurting you, and I haven't been there for you. I'm a failure. I've not done a good job as your girlfriend. I've always hurt you. I dare not seek your forgiveness, neither will I want to because I doubt I can even forgive myself for all that I've done. You're different, you've always been there for me. You've always cared and shower loads of love to me. I really thank you for that. You even made things for me that you've never made for others. You went to learn how to sew and cook for me. How much more can I ask for? You've given me what every girls want and need. Love, Care and of cause Concern. Some guys just focus on the courtship, and during the relation, they just don't give a damn about buying gifts nor, try to cheer their girlfriend up! For you, its different, you were there for me.. I loved you for that.
But something that I didn't really like, was that you kept things from me. Things that you should tell and you didn't. I don't wanna know if its a white or black lie, a lie is a lie. I thought we actually had faith and trust in each other? I wanted you to be honest that's all. I don't want others to come and tell me things which I don't even know and feel that, as your girlfriend, is this how I'm suppose to be?? Not know anything like some stupid girl, and wait for someone to bring some shocking news which might just kill me? I don't like this, I just wanted honesty, no matter how serious the situation is, I want to be there for you, share it with you, go through all the hard moments with you! please, let me do that... Don't keep things from me, its as if you're telling me, get lost, its none of my business. I was hurt knowing something yesterday...
& you said you were going to leave, please don't leave........... You knew how I felt yesterday, You heard me...
I really hope you can sense me.... Deep inside.. about how I feel and not think otherwise....
Believe me...

Saturday, July 12, 2008;11:33 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Separated;Lost; Heartbroken;

I have nothing else to say... Today have been a tough and a rough day. Even though I had fun with the people today, its been quite a long and tiring day for me. Hehehe.
The day started off, I woke up late! Gosh, I thought he was going to kill me, seems like I was earlier though I was late ;] *whee~*
Took a bus to Bukit Timah and went shopping for some ice-cream, marshmallow, snacks and lastly, an Eeyore! We went to read some "x" magazines all about FEMALES~ haha! My secret is EXPOSED x)
Anyways left the area, left the items at his place and went to sit down and relax a bit. Just had fun looking at the scenery & being the best bitch and bastard EVER! haha!! After an hour? We started roaming around the area, & finally on walking under an overhead-driveway, we saw this couple, they were sitting there, in an awkward position. I didn't know until SOMEONE asked me to look?! haha. I saw then I turned and I wonder, what in the world were they doing? LC?! haha! Who cares, but sadly, I didn't get a free show :( *sobs*
Went off to find Sze Ern and Marco! Amazing how much I missed them. :o boohoo~~ Went off to meet up with the rest of the peeps and the weather was super duper warm! Reached the place soon and today, it was different! Instead of the usual things, we had dancers coming! They were called "Nubian Gents and Feminine Fire". They were American Black dancers which came today to dance for us, and it was super duper nice! haha! I had loads of fun watching the dancers dance + sing. They were super good!! ;p
I had loads of fun at the service, and of cause, with great company, of Sze Ern, Marco, Andros, Jeslin, Shu En, Kong An, and many many more! They were being the nice people they can be again! haha!
Then for after-session time together, we had this get-together at Andros' place. So we got together and had chocolate fondue! It was super super nice, yet it wasn't dinner definitely! I didn't want to eat so much! After eating, there were more games, & I did some homework alone upstairs as it was quite noisy. Who knew, Lu Wei came up and started playing the guitar, + Andros and they sang! Kuku heads, they totally distracted me, yet I was de-stressing with their amazing singing talents! haha! Serious uh, its quite nice to sing duet "Always Be My Baby".

The time really pass very fast when you're having fun. We had more food and food! + games and games! It was fun! Then I was enjoying my time, me + the air-con. Our special moments together. Air-con gave me the cool air, I showed him a smile and he blew more cooling air at me.. BLEH! just crapping, once again x)
Went to finish my homework and that was when I started to think A LOT!! I was thinking, of different things and more things. I just thought and thought... Til I finally BROKE!~ I was at the edge of falling, I just couldn't stand it anymore and said it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you and make you tear for me. I'm such a bitch to do that. I didn't want to sit there, not doing anything. I knew I had to do SOMETHING! but it matters as to, WHAT and HOW am I going tot do it!? Haiz, I'm just feeling super down right how. I don't know why.... Have I made the right decision? Is things going to be okay? I don't know, its hard to find out, but I really hope that I'll discover it asap!
I went to solo night~ Spam the "kens + light" and finally I seh diao~ I was tired, and I am right now, but I'm going to type a bit more. I really love you, it has always been you and always you. I need no one else to add on things to confuse you more, or make you think too much okay? You have any doubts, clear it with me~ No problem, I'll answer you honestly.... Don't ask outsiders, as me. Okay? [:

Went home at around late late at night, and finally reached home.. Tomorrow... AKA Today... will it be awesome?

I feel like the world has turn its back on me...
I don't know, the feel of walls closing on you....
Darkness falls upon the soul,
& I can't take anymore~~~

Savage the situation, that's all I need to do. SOON!! Let's see what we get...

Thursday, July 10, 2008;10:44 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

It was another lethargic day, tiring yet I had fun and loads of experience today [:

Today is a Thursday, my time table for the day was totally packed, and definitely a drag, as it consist of Biology, Social Studies, History and Chemistry!
I had Social Studies, followed up with History, consecutively? It was such a drain! Lucky for me, I didn't sleep in any of the classes, honest! ( Do I get a reward for this? haha ) Anyways, during break time, darling called. Cutey was still sleeping, *awwww* Cute pig pig. We talked for a few minutes only before I started my break and ate. Super duper hungry. I guess its because I forgot breakfast? Or am I just stuffing myself? *yikes* Well, 5 steps before I reached the next homeroom after break, dear texted and wanted to talk to me for a while. So sweet, he missed me so much =p haha!. Missed you too! But I was totally focusing during chemistry, after the break. We just started on a new topic all about organic chemistry; and all I can say is that I ain't getting any idea about this thing? I was totally stunned and guess what? Its mostly memorising! How better can it get? haha!

Chinese; listening comprehension and I failed. Crap. I really hope to be able to get at least a B3 for my O's chinese, so I can just put the subject down for the few months and focus more on other subjects [: *let's hope for the best!*
&&, lastly biology. I really wanted time to pass quickly as I wanted to get over to ngee ann open house ASAP! But guess what? i got over to a wrong bus-stop and had to transfer buses to get to some place? *gosh!* Was talking to dear on the phone, and he was laughing at me being such a silly girl and a noob at directions :( *sniff sniff* Well,got on the bus and took like super duper long to reach the destination! Argh! But it was all worth it because, GUESS WHO CAME?!

ANDROS YIU

haha. Shocking isn't it? Yeap! Sneaky ass! Anyways he fed me "black forest" cake, and as to how it taste, I shall describe it later on [:
Okay, on visiting Ngee Ann, the wonderful humongous school which made me feel lost?! We were finding our way in and thankfully we found the crowd! We pretended to be looking through the courses, and I went to ask some stuffs. Then..... haiz... let's not talk about what happened. It was totally depressing, well well, its the responsibility I have to take for my own actions. I suggested it, the action was taken, now its too late.. Sorry!!! :((
Well, Andros had his female friend along too, Rachael? Yeah, nice girl, totally the English-type of girl, haha, still cute!.We went to the IT-course school and went for some trial coursework. I wasn't alright, but I tried to look alright :] It succeed! I was busy listening, then there was this group work thing. They asked what kind of drawings do I want, I just said, PIG! She used the programme, and started typing codes in! "oval" "colour" and coordinates! It was a trial and error thing, so much changes need to be made over and over again, to be perfect :x Poor girl. Then I started crapping a lot, while Andros was busy texting someone? Didn't manage to peek though, but I want to know who he/she is! haha! Curious!! *hmmmmm*
Anyways we went to the waiting area, and Andros got a call!! SUSPICIOUS!!! I wanted to like "tou ting" but he ran to the other side! *argh!* Very good! haha! Then we got on some bus to the other side of the polytechnic. && guess what?! ANDROS brings MAXIM to school!! *naughty boy!!!* But its okay, interesting goods should be shared [: BLEAH!. haha!
Went to collect our goodie bags and off we went!. Me, Andros and Rachael, 3 of us went to MacDonald's HQ, they ate there, I ate the cake, AWESOME, DELICIOUS, MAGNIFICENT! It can't be explained, but it was totally nice!! :D haha! Thanks ANDROS!!! you're the best! (:

Food really makes me melt ^^, *dear should know that ah :D *

It started to rain, and I had problems getting home :( Sobs, lucky for the umbrella (NOT MINE). I got to the bus-stop safe and sound, and DRY! :D Andros waited for the bus with me, and goodbye!.. Texted darling on the way home, it was fun :] Okay, I'm weird. But I'm really glad I had someone to text to, because the bus ride was super duper long! & I didn't have any seat until 30 minutes later. Sobs, poor feet!.
Got home safe and sound after 1 hour, went to wash up, and locked myself in the room to MSN + do a mathematics paper. That was my day [: long and draggy...

Tomorrow is going to be worse, and Saturday is going to be Awesome!.
Sunday is even better :D cause I sense the LOVE DAY! x)))

Alright, its 12.15, have to go now or else someone might nag!! *yawns*
GOOD NIGHT FOLKS!!!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008;11:15 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Topic for the day, QUANTITY vs QUALITY!

Hmmm, just to ask you people out there. Quantity VS Quality, which is better? Which one do you think its worth? haha. Its such a random topic, I know! But just thought about it and I have an example for it, yet I'm not saying what it is (:
Been having loads of fun, getting high lately. Due to various reasons, example, talking to beloved ANDY, hearing handsome ANDROS strum his guitar and singing "Tongue Tied by Faber Drive", realising how lucky I am to have andy loving me, because he's really really nice! Lately he has been doing loads of things for me, and planning loads of surprise gifts or meet-ups for me [: cutey!~

Anyways, my day for the day was... straining!! This morning, it was raining cats and dogs. I have a slight phobia of thunder, and especially sudden light from the lightning, following by the thunder *BOOM!* I used to cover my ears when I was young, that was being CUTE, but now if I do that, I just look retard, and wimpy! So I try to put up a brave front, and... keep my fear from others. Its super scary and definitely difficult.
Got to school on time, and the day started! I was having fun for the first half of the morning, planning on an exciting movie outing later on that afternoon after our classes. I was so psyched! Its been a few months since I last watched any movie, so I guess I was kind of excited. Yet, at that same afternoon, I realised that dear wanted to give me a surprise visit! I was shocked! Happy and excited too! I wanted to cancel my date with my schoolmates, yet instead something happened. We fought. Sad, first time. I felt so angry with myself. I knew he was joking, yet at that moment I suddenly felt the adrenalin rush up to my brains, causing it to FUME! I blew my top and threw a tantrum at him. I felt crap after that, and made him sad. Sorry dear, I hope that you'll forgive me, I really didn't mean to do it, I just lost myself to anger, I'll try not to do it again, promise. Really!
But after that, I was totally drained and tired! I walked like a zombie and dragged my heavy feet back for science practical. Yet, I thought within 1 hour, I could get things done, instead, I had to do TWO practicals?! Which totally took 2 hours to complete?! I was suppose to end at 3.50, and go for the movie at 4.20. YET, my biology teacher made me complete the practical and took my movie time away! *sobs* I really hated her and lost mood about biology. She said we can do on our own, yet she made us do another practical before that.! Dang.. I hate this...
In the end, I ended up finishing school at 5, and went to find siti to teach her mathematics. It was Super fun teaching her (: &, went home after that, talked to dear on the phone, blah blah~~ *our secret*
Homed and went out again at around 8 for some awesome dinner! woot! I love eating there, and at last went home... My day was just like that, pure boredom, but I bet tomorrow will be better, because I'm going somewhere else! :D haha!

*quantity VS quality* which is better?

Labels: Tell ME

Tuesday, July 8, 2008;9:32 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Today has been a tough day for me. I had a long night, thinking, crying, and definately a noisy night thanks to somebody. haha. Yes, I had some problems, not sure what it was, can't remember, neither do I want to anyways. I was just thinking... Can I forget the past, forget and erase all sight, execpt for him.. I want everyone to disappear, other girls to disappear.. I'm selfish, that's me! I want him all to myself, but looks like its impossible. Things can happen, so I don't hope for the best and always get myself prepared to fall anytime soon. My thoughts for the night, was vivdly clear. I remembered, we fought. Over slightest thing as to, why didn't you take care?? & we blamed each other for the things that happens, thinking that its all our fault!

We were too busy fighting, that we didn't think of the good side of this? Why are we blaming ourselves? Its because we love the opposite, and care for em. Yes, sorry andy for what happened last night. I just hope that you're alright & over that incident ...just saw something.... I wasn't but I AM disturbed by it.

*~~Its such a leisure seeing him...~~*

Crapped! I just feel so jealous on seeing this, i really am. Haiz, Its not fair. Others get to see him everyday, look at his wonderous features from head to toe, his cute actions and get to hear his voice 24/7. Yet what about me? I barely can do these. I only can hear him, let alone touch or see him.? Oh crap~ I hate this. I really hate this. *sighs*. Oh what the hell! I'm going to go into my depression mood soon. & i'm just, happy that I know that someone will always be there for me, supporting me. Yes, its you! the person who requested and rushed me into blogging. haha!

Anyways thought there are bad stuffs, but there are some good things too. Like.... I got home by 4 and slacked around. I managed to not feel pissed off with some unwanted peeps that I met or talked to. &, i managed to fool a silly guy today with my wonderful written work :] naive! plus, dear called to talk to me, haha, how often do I get this? RARELY, but i still treasure every conversation with him, no matter how long it is. &, i finished my chemistry homework though i'm postive that 50% of the answers are wong? &, Andros-ge played the guitar for me? Song; its all about you; by someone? && TongueTied - FaberDrive! LOVELYsong! xD And... Last but not least, a gift, picture from deary andy. Sweet right?

don't know why lately he has been so nice to me lately that I'm feeling the.... strange feeling. That something is going to happen :( but i hope i'm wrong!

baby, i love you too!!, always be mine?

Labels: always, willyoubemine

Monday, July 7, 2008;9:05 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

I'm feeling super tired and drained from the activites I had today. Indeed, I had a late night sleep, and I had the weirdest dream of my life! Seems like I had some soul exchange with ANDROS! He's becomed me, and has nice sweet dreams + long comfy night sleeps. Whereas me? I got his sleepless-night illness! Argh, what a nice timing. But anyways, last night's dream was about Andros and his ALPHABETICAL names of girlfriends [EX] *bleh*, I shall name some of em, but I only met a few. Example, alphabet P to X!

Pauline, Quinna, Racheal, Stella, Tiffany, Uvonne, Viola, Wendy, Xiaomin. Interesting right?? Amazing how someone would be able to do that ^^, Shall I try? 26 boyfriends [EX + Current] Wolala~ hehes. Nahh, just kidding. I won't be like that, I'm faithful to one :3

Anyways, got up for training, bathed, changed and went to court with Rick& Darren eng. We reached there, only to find that loads arrived already! whoots~ But some didn't come, due to the reason, [GF]. I'm sorry, I know the GF is important, but so is the team. I really hope they can set their priority right, and of cause, the training is only once a week? I don't believe that the person would be so busy that he/she can't even come for that DAY! *tsktsk*

In short, training was fun + tiring + WET! It sorta rained in the afternoon, and they were nuts to play in the rain! I can't believe myself that I was also NUTS to join them :( haha! But we had loads of fun :]

left; Rick, Grayson, DarrenEng, Me, Quinfei, Edbert, Darence, Siti, Ivan [photographer; yuchen]

Our wonderful stinky shoes! 5 bball, 1 being used for playing [:

I remember, that we had a conflict with some other guy from the other side of the court and they nearly called back-up :] so did we. But thankfully it was solved in a jiffy~ & siti was super scared about the gangs showing up :p haha!

We finished the game at around 2 plus and went to have our lunch at forks&spoon. It was super COLD! dang, we were wet and we went into a food court? AIR-CONDITIONED? dang, haven't we died before? x) haha! Ate and left. But we left a present for them too! WET SITS! Our asses were totally SOAKED and wet, but we didn't care. Bleah~

Anyways, went home after that and saw my grandma around the area. She was looking for some herb medicine and removing some of em from the nearby garden. I didn't know if it was legal, so I just watched her. But I felt super sad for her, plus she's getting on her age, I must help! So I decided to pluck some too, and Vollah~, i got more blisters on my fingers :p haha! .. Congrats :]

okay, last but not least, something for my darling for trying out, making something new for me ^^, love you dear!

;12:10 AM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

I'm so proud of myself, and satisfied with what I did today [:
For once, I did something meaningful and didn't waste my time slacking around and using the computer for hours! Yes, I still did use the computer for HALF the day, and I did stay at home to rot for HALF the day. Guess what I did?? [:
I made presents! Okay, let me start from the morning. I woke up early in the morning, feeling super duper pissed off! But lucky darling managed to bring me back to being the cheerful girl :) Had a talk with him in the morning, what a sweet morning ^^, Went to wash up and went for tuition. 2hours of physics, I learnt new stuffs, and once I got out of the classroom, they VANISH! *poof*

Anyways, went to cut, trim my hair a bit. It was getting irritating that it was curling :/ Oh well, no money for rebonding, no talk :p haha!. Well, went to bishan park in vain search of saga seeds. I heard its a romantic seed, plus its red! I could actually make something out of it (: But to dismay, I didn't find anything in bishan. Sobs~ I went to other parks around the neighbour places, but nothing! I went home disappointed, what am I going to do for dear now? I promised to make something for him but I couldn't find the goods :( No fear, PLAN B! Using something else :p hehes~

Indeed, I started making from 3pm onwards when I got home. Did one for baby, and one for andros. *later he start nagging why he doesn't have one ;/* haha! Just kidding ^^, Total I had to "design" two types of "art" and glued the pieces together. Shockingly, this was the second time? third? Using super glue! I was super freaked out! :( But oh hell, I still got em spilled over my hand, shirt, shorts, arm and the worse thing of all FINGERS! My middle and fourth finger got stuck together! I was panicking! I tried to peel the glue off but it hurts!! :( sobs~ Oh well, least its seperated now. hehes. I love you fingers!

Thankfully, after all the making and designing + touch-up. I guess I finally ended my long day!
conclusion;
2 presents, 3pm - 11pm
That was how long I took! Imagine that? & to think its such a simple design and all :[[ Hope the two would like it *bites*...

Anyways I promised darling to sleep early, and its already 12.22am xD Haha, OOPS~ anyways he's cooking something for me! or sorta, LEARNING! HEHES~ sweet right?? Plus its my favourite food.! SO TRUE!! I wanna taste it asap :p hehes~ Jiayou darling!

enjoy your day tomorrow~ [<3]

Labels: i love you~

Saturday, July 5, 2008;7:46 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Tell me, how do you feel on seeing this?
-Funny?
-ForREAL?
-Silly?
-Love?

hehes, yeap, these was the feelings I had on seeing this. I saw this the first time some where, and I stared at it? Haha, so cute and funny! Yet I looked at it over again, oh gosh? I can't believe that you can actually TAPE it x) and it was really silly =] The last time, I saw was when I was scrolling through my pictures, then I saw this. I saw LOVE, it was so romantic, so funny, so cute and loving? Imagine if someone, example your boyfriend was being this silly guy, he saw that you were sad that something of yours broke. He didn't want you to be sad, so he took tape and taped the broken pieces up =] indeed, it looks as if brand new, but is that the main point? No, the guy was sweet, just because he didn't want his girl to be sad, he pieced the heart up :] sweet right?? I totally love this picture, so here's a short post to comment about it
[<3]

Labels: 1month19days

Thursday, July 3, 2008;10:24 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

Hey, just here to write a short post about my day. I'm feeling very lonely right now, and super stressed up and I hate myself for not being able to do well for anything!
Time's running short, darling has left for his operation.. Its been 13hours since his last text, and I'm getting worried. I don't feel like texting or calling him, which might end up being answered by his sister, and maybe I'd hear her cry or what? Which will, definately, make me cry too. I told him, I'd wait for his text, and that will be from him. A text from him to tell me its all over, and everything is going to be alright from now on. Yes, I really want to recieve this text from him, soon!

But I shall let on another secret that happened, or should I say found and clarified with today. It was shocking to me, and after knowing this news, I'm really confused right now. Yes indeed, it has to do with someone, and someone, and... more someone :D It's my secret, and I shan't reveal it here?? But I'm just confused. really confused and lost. "i'm LOST, BROKEN, CONFUSED~" I don't know what reaction I should have, neither do I know what should I do next. I just want time to pass, so that things clear or suface clearer? Yeah, I'd need a guide, seriously. I'm feeling that whatever decision, I'm going to hurt someone. So I have to make a clear and strong decision. Kimberly jiayou!

&, to cut short, my chinese o's oral topic today was about the youth olympic 2010. Why did singapore won the place to hold this event? I was stunned!? You know how easy is this right? But I had this stubborn thought, that the youth olympic WILL NEVER come out?! Because I thought, since its only a recent thing that was announced, they wouldn't have the time to change the oral topics or what? But who knew? thanks to that topic, I think i'm going to flunk my exams. I was practically chased out of the examination area?! They were like, you have anything else to say? Then okay, that's all, good bye~ and ask me to leave!! Oh hell, how embarrassed or sad I was? I was depressed and cursed and swear at every sentence! What the?? -.- I'm sorry darling and andros for not being able to do my best for the paper. I really hope that my listening might bring my results up :( i really hope!!! sobs...

13hours, when will you reply? i'm waiting by the phone each minute, each second, just to wait for your phone call. Darling I miss you`

Wednesday, July 2, 2008;11:29 PM Y

And I Wanna Be Your Everything For Life x3

I nearly gave up, gave up from the hardship I've been through.

School was alright today. I've been trying to focus real hard on the various topics that the teachers are rushing through, yet at times I'm still blurred about some questions about the topic, yet I didn't bother to ask cause I knew that if I did, I'd be dragging the day more. *sighs* I was wishing for home when I was in school, and now I'm at home, I'm wishing to go to town to grab some ice-cream, or pop by jurong to meet up with darling. *sobs*... I just got news about some stuffs, and I'm going to emphasise on it later on. But for now, all I can blog about is about my 2nd home [school], which I usually spend almost half my day there? Early morning 7am, I step into the home, I looked at the different rooms we have, wow, so homey~ From 7am, until 5pm usually? Around 10hours in school. wow, I barely spend this amount of time at home unless I'm really lazy or sick! &, the amount of time I spend with my teachers, its definately more than my parents, DEFINATELY! I wonder, would my teachers one day, become our gan-mom or dad? How cool is that?

From a teachers' point of view, 40 newly adopted kids! whee~ & defaintely for me, a new mommy/daddy! How nice? :D another mother to take care and pamper us :p hehes~ Well, yes, school has been my 2nd home since, forever. But not to drag on about this, I just want to say and maybe pray for tomorrow...

Dear lord, I really hope that god, you will be able to take care of andy and make sure he manages to survive through the major thing tomorrow. Lord, he's actually a nice guy, and I believe that as long as he puts in effort to change over, he'll be a good kid. I really hope that dear lord, you'll be able to give him the strength and hope to pull this through tomorrow. Its a big day for him, yes indeed, so is it for me. I'm about to have my o's oral examinations paper tomorrow too. I really hope that lord, you'll be able to give me the hope and strength too to be able to do well for my paper, so that I'll be able to do well and make my parents, andy and definately, you lord, proud. I really hope for the best for tomorrow,and no matter what the outcome is, I will always believe that, dear lord, you've done your best to help me. I will thank, you lord, for all that you've done, and pray.... Amen.

Darling, I know you've heard me nag a thousand, millions times about your health, so I'm not going to nag at you again here. You've been there for me, always been there. I'm happy to just even know you, let alone got a chance to love you?? Gosh, I don't know how blessed I am already??? Haha. I'm sorry about the mood swing and about how I acted earlier. I had the feeling that our first quarrel was to start, yet lucky me, you were nice to allow me to have my mood swings and flare my mood swings towards you. I'm sorry. The suggestion of leaving was super silly and a stupid thing to do. I really had the thought to say the sentence, I was on the verge of breaking, yes I was. I just stared at the laptop screen and told myself. I'm going to lose you, definately. Why not let you go peacefully? and maybe you'll feel better leaving this world without worries? But what the?! I'm talking about death here! Its serious!! I'm going to get serious too :( I'm DEAD serious right now. And I want to tell you this, you listen up.. I want you to do your best, to fight all the pain and sufferings. I really beg you, just ONE MORE!, please just do it for me. Survive this, and all pain cum sufferings will be over. Promise you that i'll take good care of you!!

Andros-ge once asked me this question, STUDIES VS BOYFRIEND, after much thought, BF won! believe it? haha. Yes, I mean it! You can take all your time to study, all the time to get a diploma, degree, masters, phD, but you don't have time to accompany your bf?? You're important to me, yes you are. I want you to know that, Wo Ai Ni!! Really really love you to the max!! [: I don't know how to express, neither do I know whether you're able to feel my love? But just that, I want you by my side, ALWAYS by my side to support me whenever I fall. Yes darling?? ^^ okay... I guess I have to go soon... Its 12midnights, my eyes are droopy again, sobs~. Well, good nights people,& i really hope darling to be able to see this before he goes :)