I didn't want this to happen, I really didn't. I made a decision and I'm going to see if this will work out. Either ways, I just got news that Andy's going through a lot now, and won't be coming to meet me. Haha. I hate to say this, but yeah, I was once again disappointed...

The day you left for LA, I was sad, I was hurt that you were going to be somewhere far away from me. But I knew, you had to go there for your health purpose! I had no choice, for your health, to let you go. It was a hard decision for me, but I did. A few weeks ago, I thought, all the things I had to go through, was all over. But seems like it hasn't and I guess its just the beginning for me. The test, came over and over again. It seems like its never ending...

And now, its beginning all over again. Because I was afraid, afraid of being let down once again by you. It hurts... I have faith in you, to be there for me, catch me when I fall. Somehow things doesn't seems to happen as how I wanted it to be. I had a decision yesterday, I made it because I thought, we should have some time alone, while you focus on recovering and no matter what, I'll still be here to be your supporter, always.

Last night, we had plans for the next day, I was happy, you really managed to lift all the burden off my heart. I was looking forward, but indeed I didn't have too much hope. I didn't want to fly up to the highest peak and just fall straight to the ground, without anyone there to catch me. I feel lost without you, I want you to be alright and healthy. I don't know what else to do. I can only sit there and wait for news about you. But its terrifying! I don't want to receive any calls or text saying that you've been hospitalized, nor do I want things saying that you've fainted and all. I'm scared, andy I'm really scared. I felt so lost last night when I made the decision. Am I doing the right decision?

Yes, I made an excuse. There was a hidden reason as to why I made the decision. I feel that I need time, to think it through, and so should you... Remember the time you told me, it was because of me that you were persevering. Yes, I'm happy that I've been and had helped you in a way or another. But... I really don't wish to see your relying on me. I can't promise what happens in the future, and I too, want you to be strong, no matter alone or with me.. You can do it, so I'm trying to give this test a shot. I want to see the outcome of my decision and hope that all will turn out well.

I made that decision was also to prove something! I don't know what will happen, but the outcome will surface soon, in about a few days time. I'm going to prove something, but if things don't go according to plan, congratulations, and blessings~

This decision, might cause me to lose 2 guys which are important in my life. No comparison needed, they are both equally important. Both whom I need to protect and be there for them. If I really lose them both, I have no one else to blame but myself. I shall not push the blame to others and just blame myself, my decisions made and blame me alone. The two, have played important roles in my life, I really want to thank them for everything. I really do. No matter what, I'll still be there for both of you.

Andy;
If you're the star, I'm the moon.
If you're the coffee, I'm the foam.
If you're the chocolate, I'm the marshmallow.

I want to be the other one for you, but seems like in every way I try, its not working. I've tried ways to be there for you, but seems to me that I'm doing it all wrong.... Every time I think about it, its has always been me hurting you, and I haven't been there for you. I'm a failure. I've not done a good job as your girlfriend. I've always hurt you. I dare not seek your forgiveness, neither will I want to because I doubt I can even forgive myself for all that I've done. You're different, you've always been there for me. You've always cared and shower loads of love to me. I really thank you for that. You even made things for me that you've never made for others. You went to learn how to sew and cook for me. How much more can I ask for? You've given me what every girls want and need. Love, Care and of cause Concern. Some guys just focus on the courtship, and during the relation, they just don't give a damn about buying gifts nor, try to cheer their girlfriend up! For you, its different, you were there for me.. I loved you for that.
But something that I didn't really like, was that you kept things from me. Things that you should tell and you didn't. I don't wanna know if its a white or black lie, a lie is a lie. I thought we actually had faith and trust in each other? I wanted you to be honest that's all. I don't want others to come and tell me things which I don't even know and feel that, as your girlfriend, is this how I'm suppose to be?? Not know anything like some stupid girl, and wait for someone to bring some shocking news which might just kill me? I don't like this, I just wanted honesty, no matter how serious the situation is, I want to be there for you, share it with you, go through all the hard moments with you! please, let me do that... Don't keep things from me, its as if you're telling me, get lost, its none of my business. I was hurt knowing something yesterday...
& you said you were going to leave, please don't leave........... You knew how I felt yesterday, You heard me...
I really hope you can sense me.... Deep inside.. about how I feel and not think otherwise....
Believe me...

{{ i-love-youONLY.blogspot.com ]}


Thinking about you every day and night wondering are you doing the same
The days that were spent together will always remain
Don't give up, cause I'll always be here for you no matter what

I want to feel how you're feeling,
I want to go through the sufferings with you..
I wanna be the strong independent girl for you to lean on,
I want to take care of you..

I want to love you with all my heart,
I want you to not lose hope,
I want to be there for you always,
I want you..

>

Name; laoPO♥
Age; 16 this year
Sagittarius

LIKES
♥ laoGONG {[ 15.05.08 ]}
♥ androsGE
♥ benHANDSOME
♥ sitiJUNIOR
♥ shariSUNSHINE


~.Wish List.~

01. I-pod
02. New Laptop
03. New Casing
04. Ear-Pluged - EarPiece
05. Get into NgeeAnn Poly
06. New Handphone
07. New high-cut shoes
08. 10th Ear Hole
09. NIL
10. NIL

bold ; italic ; underline .

♥laoGONG
♥stepHANIE
♥ragingPIG
♥

It goes out to everyone, including the reader, [YOU]
More love to the closed ones;
TWO in fact, no comparision because they are both my guardian angels~

1.my BABY - my heart has your name written all over!
2.ragingPIG - hongster {[bitch & bastard]}