//LOVEsensation//

2008-08-11T20:05:00.002+08:00

I'm currently undergoing a pain state right now. It hurts, I don't know why. I thought it was all over between us, but seems like it'll be very difficult. I just want to say, good luck to you tomorrow for your op. I really hope that all well ends well. I believe, you'll be able to do it..

& no, you may think that I won't care or won't notice, but I know I will. Because, i'm going to spam calls and texts to your phone... Til you reply and tell me, "I'm alright"

Please, allow yourself to survive and pull this through. Because.... I know you will... Stay happy baby... please, stay happy..

2008-08-10T23:31:00.002+08:00

kimmy-the-lonelygirl.blogspot.com

another exposed blog of mine. haha, most probably update all my life events there. and if there's any deep dark dark secrets I need to share, it'll be here :p wahahaha...

sillyboy; stay happy always, and i'm not naggy!! I'm just concerned :(

2008-08-10T08:03:00.002+08:00

The whole of yesterday, it was tough to get by.... I'm trying hard, to decide what I want. But it seems like, everything that I do, it seems to go the wrong way. Especially in making decisions. I don't even know whether doing this, is the right thing or not. I really don't know. But what I know, is that... whatever decision I make, either ways someone will be hurt. At times I question myself, do he really love me. Words yes, actions? I really don't know. Maybe I'm just being too demanding or maybe I'm just being selfish. I remember, that time I dressed up for him, just for HIM. Yet, I waited at the shopping mall like an idiot, waiting for him. He was still stuck in the hospital as his dad was watching him. I don't know, I actually hoped that for once, you would sneak out or least tell your father, just for ONE day.. You would just risk it, just to see me. But no, I waited for 3 hours alone, and by then, I still have to wait for van to come over and assist you? She was coming down from home! How long more do you want me to wait?? I looked around when people stared at me. I could feel that they were mocking me, dressing up and waiting for nothing. I felt........
I thought I didn't care about it, but it really did hurt for me. Did it hurt for you?

I realise, if things really did work out, and these things didn't happen. I believe that we would last, til the very end? Marry each other? Have a nice family and a wonderful house to live in. Wouldn't that be nice? Seems like its too late to turn back the clock, but I don't think it can even be done.

baby; you've been doing all the wonderful things for me, cooking my favourite food, sewing, chocolates?? I can't seem to thank you enough. The thing I made for you, for our 2nd month anniversary, its still with me. Everyday I open my closet, I look at it. I thought, when will be the day you come and take it away from me? Hmmm, til now I still hope that you would show up, right at my doorstep, and tell me, the hardship is all over. I want all these sufferings to vanish from your sight. I know, I once said that I'd be there for you always, and I will!! Since I said that, I will keep my promise. But the only thing that have changed is that, I'll be here for you as a friend.
I'll be more than willing to give you all the support you need to get things through, give you the hugs that you need! I would! But please, don't hurt yourself anymore..
I know, beebe had went off, and everything seems to be crashing onto you. I'm sorry for leaving.... I hope you understand that, I had my reason for doing that. But I don't know if I made the right decision, because you seem to be affected by me, in whatever things I say. You, will be the one suffering. I don't want that to happen.
I admit, the feelings for you, has slightly faded, not because of any other but it has.... I was thinking hard, on that Friday, whether I made the right decision. I questioned my friend, he said, if you made it, don't regret because its of no use? I agree with him, so I won't regret, but I really hope that I'll be able to help in supporting you again.

baby; friend or girlfriend, its just a status. I really hope you agree with me on this, and I hope that, after you read this, you'll gain some hope. I just want to say; I am and will always be here for you! I seriously, WILL! But even if I want to give you the support, you have to take it right? Things are going tough for you I know. But then, I seriously blame myself for leaving you in the lurch. But NO, I won't leave you alone. I'll be here for you. Get things over alright? Please, after reading this, I really hope you will at least, give my a text or call. Just tell me, you'll survive the Tuesday op! Tell me you'll be alright. I need to see or hear that. & please tell me that you will take my hand and allow me to support you and cheer you on. I know, status wise, it will be different, but I really hope you won't mind. I'm not going for any other guy, because now, I have a task! Will you accept this hand of mine, to support you? I really want to help you, and help you regain hope in life. I don't know how will I do it, but I want to!! Please give me a chance, to help you.
You can ignore this, if you think its over already.. Because, I wouldn't have anything to say. I'm really trying my best, and I want to give you the best I can. I can't buy you a home, nor buy you anything fanciful because me myself, I'm broke. & I barely have enough cash to get by meals, so its either you see me eat or not eat at all. But I did take care of myself, and I'm not sick.. because I know you need my support! so I cannot bear to fall ill, because I have to take care of you andy~

Stop deluding yourself, thinking that you can do this alone. I don't think anyone can. Since beebe is not there for you, I don't know if you have the support of nette or chun or who. But, I really hope that, I'll be able to help you get by...

please call or least, text me, by today..... 12midnight! I'll be waiting. If you don't text, I think I get you and I won't enter your life again. I'll vanish as a thorn from your life and hope that others will be able to push you on...

Take care~
#kimmy

2008-08-09T07:40:00.002+08:00

I don't know if what I'm doing now is the right thing, but all I know is that, this game is getting too difficult for me to go through... I admit, I haven't given my best in this relationship, but its not because I don't want to. Its because of the past experiences and the previous multiple times of being made a fool out of, that scares me. I don't want to go through this anymore. I want to be strong for you, but I don't think I can make it. I seem to break down, or feel crapped whenever it comes to meeting up. Cause I know... What are the chances that you'll show up?? I don't know.

"Once bitten; twice shy"

I'm feeling down once again. Yesterday wasn't such a good day to start these, because I was in the middle of a school event when we talked about this. It was hard walking pass people and with your red eyes, they just can't bear to see me like that and they stopped me, ask me what's wrong. I can't even open my mouth, because I know if I say anything, I'd just tear. I must be strong, and not let anyone see my soft side. I bit my lips and tried to smile every time anyone looked at me... the day was tough....

After school, some peeps arranged to go to sentosa to slack around, and celebrate Darren Eng's birthday. Being there really kept me relaxed and chilled.. I looked at the bikini babes around, the hunk guys and I thought, how I wish you were here with me. *Sighs* I stoned at the beach for quite some time. I was tired, I don't know why but my day has been an exhausting one I believe. Thanks Huanni for the egg + chicken + mayo sandwich. That kept me alive for the day ^^ Believe it ;
9am - bowl of noodles
5pm - egg + chicken + mayo sandwich
10pm - porridge
Look at my meal.. Nice right? haha. I know I said that I would eat. But seems like for my whole day, I didn't have much appetite and I really didn't want to buy anything to eat. Money issues. haha..

Hmmm, left sentosa at around 5 plus, went vivo to change because there were sand all over me, inside the shirt, pants and all! Thanks to Damien Teo! He's going to get it on Tuesday! Grrrr* Went to find a friend, went all the way to dover and slacked. Didn't know the night view there was super nice! Seriously, the stars were better from that side, unlike my area, tsktsk.. Slacked til around 9 plus before leaving for home. & please, no cab ^^, The cabby uncles scare me :x So went home, feeling all tired, I fell asleep soon after eating and bathing. Didn't study yesterday, so planning to study today. Hope I can spend my time wisely this time..

# not trying to forget you, just give us some space to think it through. If love abide, I believe that things will be better. Don't you?

2008-08-08T12:46:00.003+08:00

Once Again; Kimmy has entered into her emotional world!
TRY NOT TO PISS HER OFF, cause you'll GET IT!

Let me tell you a story about someone;
****** has never been truly loved by any guys before. Most of them, liked her for certain reasons, others liked her to get to her girlfriends. Interesting right?
She has never had a wonderful love life, because they all ended way too early even before anything deep can be formed! She never believed in trusting guys, because all of them were bastards who wants to sleep with girls, or they are just purely flirts!
Around April, that was when things started to change and she felt something special about this guy. Yes, he was nice, sweet, cute and of cause caring. That is what girls need the most, someone to care!! She wanted to give him a shot, so the journey of the sweet couple begun.
First few weeks, it was the best weeks ever spent! Day, night, together! Although faces were not met, but within the heart, you could actually see that there were true love going on between them.
The guy was happy of cause, and so was the girl. But something kept on troubling her, which was the outsiders which kept on interrupting the couple. She started to lose faith in the guy, but somehow, with his sweet words, she manages to get her back. Yes, he had a sweet voice and is able to sweet talk people, but nevertheless, the girl chose to believe that he was the one for her.
Everyone said that he was the wrong choice, and he was just like other guys who wanted to cheat on her! She turned deaf ears on them, and ignored their advices. She made her decision, and she was right. Why?
Because, she discovered something. Something even better than electricity, something even better than toilet bowls! She discovered that... all girls need someone to support them, no matter how strong the girl is, they would still need a strong man, to be there to give them a sense of secure and support them!
She discovered, found, loved, HIM!
She told herself, he was the one, the one whom could enlighten her life, and would be able to give her a secure and enjoyable life. She thought she was right, but things started changing...

The unforeseen things started happening, and both went through a lot a lot just to keep close to each other. Though faces were not met, the hearts bonded.. She felt very lucky even though she has to worry, from day to night, about the guy. She felt that it was a bless to worry for him! She felt that he was a gift to her, to love her and be there for her. She was happy...
She thought she could withstand the things and hardship going through the couples. She wanted to be there for him, 24/7! Just to tell him, "I love you baby and I'll always be here for you."

Ever wonder, always is actually a very scary word to use. Yes it is. Sometimes, to say this to someone, it take... quite some time to process, how long do can you actually promise that always? Don't know? haha.
I believe the girl has regretted all that she's promised, about things that she promised to do, about things she promised to achieve for the guy... She has broken down! I believe the guy must be super disappointed in her right now, because she was suppose to be there for him, support him?! But where is she now? Dammit!
really hope, things will turn out for the better, decisions made, will never be regretted again...
Please, allow that to happen. Please keep him safe from all harm.

I need him, to tell me things........ I don't know how he really feels now...
i need him to tell me, he needs me...

2008-08-07T17:48:00.002+08:00

A quick update before I leave for some dinner, to celebrate (early) for my mommy's birthday. Amazing she born a year before Singapore. So I'd bet you guys know how young is she? :p And she has the same birthday as Singapore ^^ Nice right? Its like, having the whole country celebrate her birthday with her. Plus she get a chance to see fireworks during her birthday? :DD

She's leaving early for her holiday with papa and her friends, to celebrate her birthday. They are leaving tomorrow :( Take care mommy and daddy.. Bon voyvage, and take care!!

Hmm.. yesterday, it wasn't that good. Don't know why. but just felt that I could have spent my time more wise? Anyways, I just want to say, that i'm sorry for the mood swings lately. I think my pms is coming soon. Hope not tomorrow! because I have a sentosa to catch! :p wahahaha!

# baby take care of yourself. I feel very down at times, when you can't be there for me and I can't be there for you when things happen. I feel the.... space.. I'm trying to find means to fill that gap up between.. I hope that it'll be easy..
Everything seem to be going the wrong way. Just as I was ready to give it all, something comes popping up from no where! I shouldn't get affected, but I don't know why.. I am :x Sorry.. I'm trying to get my head into the game... Focus!!

Study hard peeps!! :]]

2008-08-05T22:04:00.002+08:00

Tuesday! SLACK DAY!!
I'll never remember this day, because the only STUDYING period we had, was during CHEMISTRY?! Out of 11 periods, only 2 periods were studying?! The other 9? Were free periods! Haha, for some of my friends..

Period 1, 2 & 3 -- English
It wasn't a free period for me, because the classes were banded. Then my teacher was around. We did some summary and comprehension. It was totally tough going through 3 periods of ENGLISH! But hell, did manage to survive anyway x] Where as, my few lucky classmates got their 3 periods off! Because their teacher were off on course? :] lucky peeps!

Period 4 &5 -- Physics
My teacher had courses to attend to, so we got this free period, but we had some work to do. Did the first and last page, pretend to finish the whole stack and fell asleep :p hehes. Somehow, this skill is passed on by my dear brother of mine! Like bro like sis! :D haha!

RECESS
same old, recess with lunch buddy! Ate til shiok shiok :]]
but during the process, did some stupid thing. asked some stupid question, that totally killed me. ARgh, my and my mouth! Why can't I just shut it up?! Grrrr...! I hate it when I do something wrong! :((

Period 6 & 7 -- Biology
Suppose to have some test on reproduction on humans? But didn't really learn :p haha! Anyways, teacher didn't come! Oh hell XD but we got this relief teacher, totally awesome! He was a great story teller, motivator! He motivated me into studying and got me into high spirit :P Anyways I was eating in class then, crackers? Then the back door was open. Didn't know my dm walked pass. Then I was also texting, as in my phone was exposed! But lucky for me, he took the crackers, and didn't notice the phone ? :X ooopsy! Lucky me! :p

Period 8 & 9 -- Mother Tongue
THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE FREE PERIOD!! &, no matter what, it still is :p hahaha! We did some english paper! this time, I did the first 2 page, last 2 page. & slept. Kuku friend of mine, didn't allow me to sleep, then he tickle me, using his eerie finger. SUPER COLD! then at last, thanks to a smart gf I had, she suggested BINGO!! :D we played... then it was like.. super duper fun!! Love playing with them ^^, my class rocks! hehes.. Better treasure them, while I can, before it dispersed :X hoho!... played til classes end and, a

SHORT BREAK!!

Period 10 & 11 -- Chemistry
Did some SPA skill 3, and had some fun :p Then did more revision.. And that was the first proper lesson we had! WHEEE!!
Could have slept at home, and missed school today luh :( sobs

&&, I shall end here with a .
good nights sweet dreams!!

I miss you still :X hoho, and you too!! ^^ lalala~ good nightes
toodles~

# really hope this friend of mine, and his friend, will make up. Its not good to fight between friends.. :( really hope you two will talk or something ah ^^ please? :x Really saddening to see you two fight.. It hurts... good luck dudes

# haha i was silly to get affected over that silly question.. maybe I should be strong myself too. Maybe just.... not think so much... hmmm, wonder when will the day come?? I need.....you

2008-08-04T19:35:00.000+08:00

There! Here are the pictures I owe :D Haha! Didn't add in some because I'm lazy to upload :p hehes
&&
a quick post about my day? Hmmm, I don't really know what's wrong with me today. Just that I seem all weak everywhere! First, it was my bad flu! Totally noisy and I totally lacked of oxygen then. I had a hard time breathing and my nose were totally block after the 3rd period :((
During PE, we played some ball game. Had trouble running and breathing also XD but I did my best, sorry team for not performing as well as I should! Next week! OH NO! no school :( Next Next week then!! XD we'll rule! :]] Watch out! hehes.
Hmmm, Maths teacher was sick. Hope she's alright :x Actually out of all the teachers I have, I believe the maths teacher is the best and most concerning teacher? :p I'll definitely vote her for the best and most caring teacher !! YEAH! Take care :]
Recess; BEST TIME EVER! It was time to EAT!! So Angeline and I, lunch/recess buddies went to order our usual! This time, I accidentally dropped extra spoon of chilli into my bowl. Didn't really matter that much cause usually, a bit wouldn't kill right? So before I started eating, I realise that my nose was starting to itch? Bad sign? HAHA! YES! it IS a BAD BAD SIGN!! The first mouth of noodles that entered my mouth. IT WAS SPICY HOT! My throat felt like it was on fire! The pain and agony, I teared. I looked for water but as soon as I took the first drink, it didn't get any better? WORSE! CRAP!! I just continue to tear and tear. Until a few minutes, my nose started to tear too :((

"Oh hell"

That was what I said.. My hungry tummy needed food, so I just gobbled my remaining food up; trying to ignore the spicy thing, burning my throat. Finally, after a long war, I won!! Bowl empty, Me satisfied :D
that's was,

"WAR LUNCH"

bleah.. Anyways after that the day got worse. I realise I couldn't even talk. Let alone ask the teachers questions when I get confused :( So I just slept a while during classes, *yawns yawns*
Lastly, finished classes and last period, during chemistry. I suddenly got a headache. It totally hurt! But I couldn't sleep in class as the teacher was going through something important!! Sustained throughout the class. Didn't want to tell him about it, cause it would just distract him. Haha. Hope I did the right thing :]] Jiayou for the tests ^^, Gogo!!

&& I realise I owe something, reward for his effort for studying. :x I better do it now!! Haha, later then eat dinner! Toodles :D

2008-08-03T22:39:00.000+08:00

Today! Sunday, was suppose to go for tuition, but I skipped it, because... I wanted to play bridge :P hehes.
Anyways, I realise, I can't survive a day without texting andy. Like seriously, I CANNOT!! So, I guess our 1 week thing has failed :[ Oh well, I think avoiding him is totally out of point. I don't want to avoid him! I want to talk to him, every minute, every second. Seriously :] hehes~

So, played bridge, and started reformatting my songs again. Played the guitar, trying to smoothen the keys, in exchange of cut fingers now. My index, 3rd the fourth finger are totally soring! Its actually red now? As I type, I can feel the pain, but its okay =] haha..
The whole afternoon, I stay at home. Super super bored. But I managed to spend some time studying, did a TYS chem paper ONE, and a-maths paper ONE paper. Took more time than expected, its sad. Must train more le =] hehes. Then during dinner time, it was same old same old, dinner + this time, I didn't stay in the room, I went out to the living room to watch, "BLADES OF GLORY". Super duper funny show, and the guy really acted super duper retard luh. xD haha!

&&, that was my day, nothing much. Tomorrow have to explain to my teacher for missing her lessons on friday. Craps! :S && I think i'm sick today! Been having flu since morning, the blowing of nose didn't even help. Instead it made things worse :( Drinking water nor hot stuffs didn't even work. Oh well, hope I get better by tomorrow (: I have to focus on studies le! jiayou Kimberly! (#,#) I shall end here, my finger hurts, so does my nose, GOOD NIGHTS PEOPLE! :]

Tim's birthday

2008-08-03T13:20:00.000+08:00

Here's the picture, during the road relay on a Friday. Can't really remember which one though [: haha.

4EXPRESS3' 2008 [<3]>

THE Four Runners - Me, Diana, WenJing, Joy [8thplace]

Those were the fun days, but I totally suck during the race cause I only managed to take over ONE?! I was totally shack -.- *yawns*

Anyways, about yesterday, it was TIMOTHY PETERUS' BIRTHDAY!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE :DD

The wonder FIVE [ Rick, Joshua, Edbert, Aloysius, Timothy ] Organised a dinner outing, to AMK jack's place! Amazing :]] It was a last minute thing, but then I still went :p hehes. Usually my mom wouldn't all me to go, but this time she actually did :] Thank you mother!
&&, the outing was super duper fun! Ehhhh.. Wait wait, let me talk about the morning first :)

Morning was, alright? Was suppose to go out do something, but in the end, I didn't because of something. Haha silly me. Spent the whole morning and afternoon doing homework, neopets and chatting with people, disturbing them :p hehes~ Studied til its in the afternoon, when mommy brought her friends over for a game of mahjong? I had to set the table, set the chairs and prepare the mahjong set before she reached home. Nice one. After they came, I had to get out to make a phone call to andy. Just chatted for a while :] After that, something bad happened. Don't really want to talk about it because thinking about it, just recalling about it, hurts. *sighs* I didn't know what to do or say anymore. For once, he made a decision and of cause I listened, ONE week. That was what I had. After that mood destroying and hurting moment. I went for tim's birthday gathering. Nice right? haha. I didn't know how to smile after that.. I just tried to smile infront of him.. and the rest..

This is

Timothy's idea of SEXY! 2 eyes + a cake as the nose?

Haha, I shall not update more, because there are more pictures being downloaded, but then its taking years to download finish :(( Shall update it next time :]

Til then,
TOODLES~

sayonara -- Love; kimmy

2008-08-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

Funny question, answer me (:
If I add

=???

What do you get?

Answer is easy, you get KIMBERLY ZHANG!

I'm in a very depressed mood right now. I nearly scolded a girl, for being concerned about me. I'm in a very foul mood now. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore. Its.... I can't even differentiate right from wrong; and the good people from the bad people.
Someone was concerned for me, yet I actually had the thought that she was just being a hypocrite! Someone who pretends to show concern but in fact she's laughing her heads off behind my back. Geez~ I can't believe I nearly screamed at her. I'm glad I didn't.

I'm on probation, 1 week probation? Its given by me! Probation to stay away from the outside world except school times. After all lessons, I'm to leave school straight and head home. That's my plan. As to whether I can forgo the outside world, its up to fate to decide. Sighs*

No one knows me...

That was what I heard, that was how I felt too. I didn't know him, not even close. I'd bet even a passerby, can tell how hurt he must have felt, yet me, being someone close, can't even tell. I can't stand myself, you know why? Because I can't keep my promises!! I promised him, that no one is allowed to call me "wugui", and that I would put a stop to it, if someone were to call me that. Yet I didn't! What the hell right?? How could I do such a thing to him. That nickname was given by him, only he deserve to call me that. I agree. I too gave him this nickname "sillyboy" and indeed, I was the only one that called him that! I had the sense of belonging, that he was mine, sillyboy was mine! But yet... I did this to him. Kimberly, What a jerk are you? or a bitch!

&&, For a million of times, he's been there for me, and of cause concerned about me. He's been putting effort into this relation yet I'm taking advantage of him and enjoying!! How could I be like that?! I mean, he IS HUMANE too!! he also needs the shower of love, the warmth right?! Yet what did you give him? NOTHING!! READ THIS!! YOU GAVE HIM NOTHING!
How could you actually do such a thing!?!?! He was someone who was willing to do all for you, go through shitty times, for you... Why can't you just treasure him? Kimberly, you got 1 week to think it through! Think about how much he's done for you, how much he's been there for you! It has always been you!! Stop being selfish for once and think for him?! will you?!

1week, start of 06:27pm.. it starts to count down. You got this week alone to think it through, you better do it, get your mind cleared! &&, once you make the decision, stick to it, no regrets, and love him..
Because you know, a guy as good as him, will never come again. Treasure him!!
think it through please!

Screwed up!

2008-08-01T22:35:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating lately, so sorry readers!
About yesterday;

31st July' 2008
School was as per usual, just that after school, my dear classmates had extra lessons
" Austrilan Mathematics Competition" which I didn't participate so I need not go (: hurray!
After lessons, slacked in school for a while, before leaving for town to catch a movie :]]

"prom night"

Total waste of time, thanks to the ending! The show was alright, plus the awesome scenes :D With the killings and of cause the beautiful girls + guys in dresses and tux! Totally awesome. Andros was totally drooling at the cleavage of the American girls! Don't lie, think I didn't saw it? XD After the show, I nearly left my handphone on the chair, thankfully I checked my pocket for it before leaving :x *phew* After that, we went around to slack a while, before I had to leave for home. Dinner with family (: hurray!
The food was awesome, totally nice and.... CHEAP! First seafood meal, though the service wasn't that good, but least there was a television broadcasting the channel 8 show. :]
Went home, totally satisfied and used the computer again. I feel that lately I've been slacking, TOO MUCH! I really really need to continue to mug, no matter how tough it is. I need to get my mind off the useless stuffs like, eating? NAH!! Kill me, as if I'd do that (:
I'd cancel the time for going town, for movies, for going hottie gazing... && many many more!! Too many to be named :x haha!

jia you! you'll be able to do it..

I admit, I'd miss the times, where you used to shower loads of love to me. I miss them
But I have to stay at my side of the fence, to see and gain my confidence back that you'll be able to give me the sense of secure... Will you be able to do it, and soon?
Somehow, things have been becoming blur each day.. I wonder.. will you turn blur soon? I don't want that to happen, because I know you fear of losing me. I hope you'll persevere on, to salvage this.. good luck!!

1st August' 2008
Today, its the day (: haha
Anyways, my day today was alright in the morning, til after 4 plus, that was when my day was screwed up, thanks to HER! CRAPS!
Today, it was actually a 2 subject period only? Mathematics and Biology. I love Biology period, because its my napping time (: hehes~ Mathematics, we were totally slacking, sorry my dear teacher for making you unhappy. I had a friend, who's hair got cut my the form teacher, so he asked me to do a make over for him :DD Ahhhh, super fun!! I had fun cutting his hair, super super fun! But.. someone insulted my skills :( I totally emo-ed for the last 2 periods, I kept quiet and stoned... Haiz~ I'm such a lousy hair person.. :(( Oh well...
I was ready for biology lessons, but then seems like I got a wrong timing for the lesson, so I had to run over to meet someone. I skipped my lessons :x Oh well, ONE TIME?! no harm right? so I didn't really care about it and went off to meet my dear friend! Haha~
On reaching, my friend didn't say anything about her taking attendance, so I thought it was okay,. I enjoyed my fun day, doing crazy stuffs before going kap to study with tobias! :]] study buddy!
Seems like today was his lucky day, because he tore his pants while playing soccer? Rugby? I don't know, but I was up-pants-ing him! Haha! Just kidding! but the hole was totally BIG!! && he was shouting all over, ITS BREEZY!! XD What an arse!!
Before I knew it, I was enjoying myself, then my teacher called my parents about me not attending lessons?!?!
Whatever luh! Its just ONE class? Does it really make a difference? I really gave up on biology since a few months ago, but it was too late to drop, plus its impossible to drop?! Bull-shit.. Someone dropped it, yet we couldn't?! No fair :(( Oh well, looks like I have to apologise, or explain myself to her on the following school day. What a joke? haha!!

"I;m sorry that I skipped your lessons"
"Why did you skipped it?"
"Because I didn't want to see you *smiles BIG BIG* "
"And I have no interest in your lessons, so I don't think I should waste my time sleeping there, instead I could do something more productive like studying for some other IMPORTANT subjects? *smile BIGGER*

I'd bet she'll freak out!! HAHA. Anyways, after that I chionged home and went out to pastamania for dinner with my mom and 2nd brother. Ate to my fill, went for tuition and now i'm dead tired :( Sobs... I'm going to bed... Good nights...

#somehow I feel that you're losing faith towards me too, haha, just be honest if you feel that way. I know you do. Its because of my actions that made you feel this way right? I'm sorry.. SOON, that's the thing you need to take note of. waiting is alright.. I'll wait... but prove to me, that you won't need to make me wait too long.. Its tough waiting alone.. I need support...

2008-07-30T21:59:00.000+08:00

What a tiring day!! *yawns*
Lately, I've been sleeping in class, not sure what's the actual reason, but all I know is that as long as I lie motionlessly for a minimum of 5minutes, you'll be able to see me in my lala, land :p haha!
Oh gosh, as I type this, I'm dozing off already! Argh!

Okay let's make this short and sweet? School was tiring, and the afternoon lessons were cancelled as the teachers had something on. Tomorrow will be a better day definitely :]
&&, today after school, went to find some peeps and hanged around. *yawns*

All i can say, my day today have been quite tiring, not sure why, but definitely FUN! :DD
alright, I'm going to stop here..

# please don't worry about me. I'm okay.. Just let me think things through first. I believe the doubts would clear up soon. SOON!!

2008-07-29T18:38:00.000+08:00

"help me up pls. help me up frm this fall. help me up like u always did. i dunno how i am going to stand again but i need u to support me up. there's no one else willing to anymore.

You said this to someone else. I thought I was over it, but every single time I read this sentence, I realise that.. It hurts.
I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do anymore. I realise, you need someone else, not me..
I haven't been able to be your support, like she has. I haven't been able to be there for you, like she does..
It's not about her, but its about me and my incapability to be able to give you what you need. I'm such a failure to you. Why the hell do you even like me? I'm nobody whom you should sacrifice for. I'm not worth the pain and hardship you've been through.
I'm ....

NOBODY!

you consider this friend of yours, you might feel that she's a better choice than I am. Think about it. I'm going to accept your decision without any questions, so as long as you make the decision, just tell me...

I'll just say, goodbye, and you'll never hear me pester you anymore....

2008-07-27T19:54:00.000+08:00

I don't like making decisions, but every time I just have to be so stupid to just make some silly decision, and cause someone else to feel hurt. I knew, I knew it was going to hurt him real bad, yet you still have to suggest this stupid solution! Why??

"你说的到, 我会办得到 "

That was what he said, isn't it obvious that he doesn't agree with you, but as he's willing to listen to you. He's willing to silently suffer, without letting you know. I... I failed to notice something as important as this. I don't know why, why is he keeping these from me. I really want to know how he feel!! I really want to... I know, he wants me to be happy, but without knowing what is he feeling, I can never be happy. I need to know what's going through his mind, and what he really wants. I want to be someone there for him. I want to support him everywhere he go and take care of him when he needs a helping hand. But why? Why can't I just stay on by his side? I always have these thoughts, about being there for him always, but at times, I'm scared. I don't want to be hurt by those scary thoughts about being alone again. I had thoughts, thoughts about myself being alone even though I have him. I just don't get it. Is it the sense of secure? I don't know how to put it, but every time I feel the insecurity about the surrounding. I guess the thing about guys being able to give their girlfriend a sense of secure, really matters. I don't know why. I feel that, I have to still protect myself even if I'm with him. I want to have someone, able to protect me, to show me our comfort zone, and when being with him, I feel secure and feel that there's something surrounding us, which will be protecting me. Yes, I believe that's what I want. He has been there for me, always been there for me to give me support and all, but I guess the thing I'm lacking now... is the sense of secure.

haha~ amazing why am I talking about all these shitty things, when I know that I've already torn his heart apart from his fragile body? He's not enjoying the moments spent with me, and I've been giving him troubles ever since I came into his wonderful life. I haven't been able to give him what he needs. Every successful guy has a female beside him, and because that female is me, his successful life has overturn into a chaotic one.. *sighs*

I want things to restart, things to turn out for the better. When will that day come? Time is running out, I have no time for games... If this continues, I might have to wait til next year til graduation.. hell...

2008-07-26T23:25:00.000+08:00

Once again, its the same ending. *laughs* I don't know what to say, neither do I want to say or comment anything about my day...
True, the morning was awesome because I managed to finish my E-mathematics papers, with the help with the handy dandy ragingPIG! Took some effort to persuade him to do the E-maths paper 1, while I did the E-maths paper 2. It was awesome, and its productive! [:

After that, left Marco and Andros, on my journey to some place, don't know where..
I shan't elaborate it, because I'm not really in the mood right now...

Just that, I really have to comments about things now. 7 times... Once bitten Twice shy... I realise.... at times, I must never get hopes up too high, because at times the sky might not be strong enough and just cause you to fall down.... Yes, I admit, I did spent my whole afternoon, for ONE purpose. It was worth it definitely!! Because whom I'm going to see, its definitely worth it, I swear...
Yes, the thoughts were there, but my hopes were not high, not close. I've been hurt, for quite some time.. So, I'm just being prepared.... 3.10pm, the time the wonderful text came in! My hopes flew up!! I was excited, oh my gosh... In a few moments time, I'm going to be able to see him {: I was high, as if I was on drugs! then, I waited...... & waited....

As time pass by, I begun to lose the hope again.. I didn't want to say this, but the words kept ringing in my head.. "he's not going to show up".. I kept on thinking, or at least hoped he would! til 5.45pm... That was when, I said goodbye.....
Goodbye day, goodbye everything. I just went back, disappointed once again. I didn't want that to happen, I was trying my best to put things aside, keep my good spirit mood up, but seems like... its difficult!!

I haven't felt like this... Neither do I want to feel this EVER... I don't ever want to be disappointed again!! I really don't want to!! I don't blame anyone, but myself only!! I really, can't make any decisions now. I'm having the devil and angel conflicts on my shoulders, telling me two different things about what is right, and what is wrong.. I can't decide, but I guess............. the ending of our story will not be like those fairy tale books, where they lived happily ever after... unless you can count on a miracle.....

You said, you needed me. I know! That's the thing that's keeping me by your side. I want to be there for you and support you in every way that I can. Yet on the other hand, I don't want to be a fool, a silly dummy who went to the opposite side of the country, to find herself... all alone...
I don't deny that you've been there to love me and given me every support that I need... I don't deny that meeting you, was the best thing that ever happened to me. i don't deny the fact that I did loved you whole-heartedly and wanted you to be mine to badly that I went head over heels for you.. I don't deny all these facts...

But you do know, there are factors that are erasing these happy memories off me. You do know that these factors are starting to make me change... Either for the better or worse~

I did want you, I did love you, I really do. But this is driving me nuts!! I'm in love with cyber dude! that's YOU! I barely, or haven't seen or felt you.... Its been all the texts, calls and MSNs.. That's all it is to our relationship. Our relation, its like a distant one. Those from LA, and Singapore. Its far and soon the feelings will definitely fade... You should agree with me on this area, because you know its all true.. Maybe you're feeling like this too, I don't know.... &&, we're definitely drifting. I don't know how or what to do already....

Every time, I try to take a step to find you, it'll be a failure plan. Or I try to force things, the results would turn chaotic... I'm going nuts, I don't think I can take it anymore... I want you, yet factors are affecting our happy ending results. Its turning them into horrible nightmares.. I'm sure you're feeling this too, and I'm glad that you tried to carry things on... You've worked hard enough, I think its time to just relax and chill. Get some breather.. Be a happy living person, be yourself and take care... i will always be here for you, no matter what status I have.. Even if one day we turn out to be foe, I'll still be here for you to support you. You can count on me....

Think it through about things... Today wasn't the cause of my decision. It was the trigger to let my emotions out... Think it through and tell me how you feel honestly okay? & this has nothing to do with other parties. Its just us and our problems.... We must solve it soon..... jia you..

2008-07-25T23:24:00.001+08:00

75% drained! 25% left to survive through this blog post before saying goodbye to the day and good riddance (:

Let's see... My day was quite a tiring one although classes ended at 12.50pm. Classes... majority was Mathematics, so out of 7 periods, 4 were Mathematics, 2 for biology and 1 for chinese [slacking] time!
Mathematics was super stressful, because we started on a new topic and it was quite hard to understand for me. I was trying to pay attention, but I just couldn't. My mind was off the board and just thinking/hoping that it would rain. Then the road relay would have been canceled! Means we need not run for that short distance, hehes.
Actually, I'm okay with the event, if I'm the one going there to support? But definitely not going there to run, thanks to my health condition now. I've been catching a cold lately, and feeling some giddy spells lately. Didn't let anyone know about this, fearing they might not allow me to run. But I know they definitely need me, just as much as I need them {:

& as I was running, I thought of giving up because my lungs felt they were on fire!! I seriously thought about giving up, but then I thought about baby.. He was my boost for the race, I kept on running til I finally reach the end point. I let out a heavy sigh.. Finally its over, thanks baby for keeping me going on. I love you [: You were the motivation for me, and because of you I pushed on. Without you, I doubt I'll be able to carry on life. But please know, I'm glad too that things got better between us, and of cause we had put in loads of effort to bring the relation closer :] Thank you darling...

On running; we, teams for 4 had different running positions --

Joy - 1st runner
WenJing - 2nd runner
Diana - 3rd runner
Kimberly - 4th runner

Congratulations girls, we did our best, and it definitely paid off :] Thanks joy, for coming to replace Qi Yin. You did your best and we make a team! From the first runner we were 21st position, then slowly the rest of us caught up with a lot of others :D Til me! Last runner, I ended up being the 8th position :D Hurray~~ Congratulations 4EXPRESS3~! Three cheers for the girls and guys team [: whom are -

Dickson - 1st runner
JooChuan - 2nd runner
WengKit - 3rd runner
Aloysius - 4th runner

Went home with the dudes after taking some photos :p and, they bullied me ah! I was trying to find out some secret from the class, yet they kept me in suspense! Not fair!! Went home and got ready for tuition!
Tuition was another drain! I was totally out of gas already!! 2 hours, 8pm to 10pm of A-mathematics questions being shot at me. Urgh~.... At last,after coming home, it is computer time, and soon its going to be bed time (: Whee~~

# thinking about you all day long, keeps me awake! Been having sleepless nights.. Is it because of you???

2008-07-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today was an awesome day [: Though it was tiring, and of cause, studying?! I still liked today :D hehes~

For once, we didn't fought, as in didn't agree with one another? We were totally being "cool" with each other :p &&, for once, I actually felt that I had a status to call of? Not saying that I didn't have it, but, now I feel that its clearer and of cause, the feeling was there. hehes..

Anyways, the day, was ALL the subjects, EXCEPT English. haha! Had history test today, which was a total mood-destroying thing! Early in the morning, doing history was the last thing anyone want for the start of their day right? plus I had social studies first then followed on with history!! Humanities in the morning! Whoopy~ haha
That was the day, mathematics after that, was alright. My mathematics teacher was getting angry over some students that totally destroyed their school when they actually threw WET tissue towards the celling of the homeroom?! Plus it wasn't theirs! It was hers!! She was freaking pissed off over it and went to find the teacher-in-charge! *funny* =p
Recess was alright, seeing the couple in front of me. Seeing them being so close really makes me so jealous! Argh~! Oh well, mine will come... SOON I believe? haha! then it was chemistry, and I got back the results for yesterday's test! I got, 13/25! I actually passed uh! But it wasn't good! I agree with what Tobi said.! Only by half mark. && it was a really really easy paper, yet I only passed by half a mark? How pathetic right? Tsktsk!
Chinese, did some English thing and for 2 periods it was total slack! hehes~ Lastly, biology! Finishing up about fertilization! && I was being ME again, total boredom and tired.. *yawns yawns*

Made our way straight for remedial after that, didn't take any lunch cause I wasn't that hungry! So, Angeline and I were waiting for classes to start, before we knew it, the teacher sent us on an errant to change the whiteboard duster. Then he wrote a letter... "please allow Kimberly of 4e3 to exchange this duster for me, signing off~ ******" It was super cool. We went to the general office, then showed the lady the note. Then she recorded the date and the paper note in a mini book. i believe this is to note that my teacher exchanged a duster. Then I was like, oh my gosh, how much can 1 duster cost?? Need to record too? *oh my tian~* haha!
My teacher promised to release us on time! So i wrote on the board.... *~~~ promised to release us on time, 3:40pm! *
& he did :d Super nice!! Chiong off to kap after that to meet Tobi to study!
&& that was when the fun started to come!
There was this chio bu at the table below, then we were like. "eye-candy", "goddess" etc.!! Super super funny! Before we knew it, the girls left for some shop somewhere else, then I was persuading Tobi to give the number to her?? Like, CALL ME ;; haha!!
He didn't want to, but I wrote his number on a paper, and included, CALL ME~ or at least text? hehes, and i added the [<3] signing off TOBIAS [TOBI]
HAHA!! super fun!! Then Andros came and left he note on the table for Tobi..
He may seem not interested, but in fact he was ANXIOUS!! "where's the girl?!!? Why so long still haven't come back?!?!" SUPER FUNNY!! A few of us, including some of the ACS [barker[ dudes were laughing our asses off! HAHA!! good luck Tobi (:

&& the girl saw the note and she was being all cocky luh! Like seriously, she saw she smiled and folded it and.... "threw" it somewhere else... Oh my gosh la! I seriously didn't like her attitude :((( poor Tobi, all heart broken now and crying?? hahahah, just kidding! But he left soon, and didn't have anything to do with her anymore ^^
but after he left, this mix-blood girl came in.. Eurasian Singaporean? Super cute super hot and..... (: don't want to judge already, but I believe that Tobi would like to park himself opposite their table and just STARE at the eye candy [: hehes!

After that, went some place to slack before going home by the bus.. The ride was long and cold, then..... it started pouring! Wet and soaking, when I got home and bathed... today was a fun day =] thanks for making my day people!! ^^

&& I DID STUDY TODAY!! I DID MY HOMEWORK!!!

&&, thanks TOBI for waking me up today with the morning text??!! But I was still late!! HAHAH!! OH WELL! BEATS being LATE-ER?!?! =)))
& today; or should I say later in the morning, someone's going to give me a wake up call!! whee~!!!! Let's hope he'll be on time =)) lalala~

# that was my day~ Sayonara byebye!
baby, sarang haeyo =]]
stay healthy and take care!

2008-07-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

Smiling (:
See, I'm smiling which means, the day today was a nice one ^^,
I didn't post yesterday because I was falling sick. I actually puked when I got home and felt super weak after that. I didn't have any appetite and went to rest early after doing my daily revision :D
I have my schedule all ready! I'll be studying from any time til 9pm, then after that I'll be going online to crap with the people :DDD

TODAY~
School was super, fun today? Not really fun, but just that it wasn't that stress today. The weather was super duper cold this morning and the wind was awesome! I think its strong enough to blow clothes off? Haha! Just kidding [: Morning was also cold and windy, then I was totally enjoy the wind and dreamed about bed *drools*...
Recess was still alright, texted andy through out the afternoon.
Then after school, went to junction eight with wangkang, shari, angeline... Went around roaming.. THen wanted to collect my stuffs, secretly?? But in the end, it turned out to be not secret! Crap crap luh! nevermind, hope I don't get into any trouble...

Chiong off to kap to meet Tobi there. Sorry dude! Was late thanks to that important and essential thing :D haha!.. And we did homework there, REALLY we did homework there!! SERIOUSLY!!
Then the "majesty" came -,- same old same old. haha!. We studied and Tobi went off first.. We left later, & I went to see the optician :]] I thought I was going to be blind, but they were saying my eyes were just tired. Must let it rest. Side-effects are, giddy spells and headaches.. So..... I guess, I have to zao now... I need my rest :[[[

# it feels weird.. I'm just being the stagnant me.. Accepting what it is now, and not doing anything....

2008-07-21T18:19:00.000+08:00

I'm in a confused state right now.. I just feel super fed up at myself. How can I do something like this to someone whom have showed me with loads of love, plus, taken care of me, being there for me always.. How could I have been so insensitive to not notice the pain going through in him? How could I, be so selfish to think of my own needs, and not care for his? How could I do all these to him? How could you!?! I'm a real selfish girl, know that? Yes!.. I'm acting all bitch just cause he's kind-hearted and doesn't calculate on the things that you've done wrong. Instead of thanking him, I took advantage of him! Ain't I like the other girls? Those whom took advantage of him, where he really did put in effort in the relationship, to keep it going on!! How could I do this... to him.
Finally after knowing the pain he has to go through, instead of being there for him, I did things that made him pissed off! That made him do harmful things to himself! I'm feeling crap right now... Its all my fault. If only I didn't do this, if only I didn't do that. If only.... I had left them alone..

I realise, this isn't the only thing that's happening to me. Its.. 2 things, same category situation! If only I had left them alone, I haven't met them.. What would their life be now? Better definitely! Why?
because he haven't known me! The jinx of his live, to screw up his live and, bother him.. If only I hadn't met him, he'd be with some nice, sweet girl, concerned for them whole-heartedly, and love them!! Knowing me was the greatest mistakes of their lives. I believe they must be regretting knowing me, and screwing up their lives....Honestly, I've thought about, death... For once, I'm loosing it! I've been saying stupid things about others killing themselves for silly stuffs like, BGR, but I guess I didn't know how must pain they must have felt, before deciding to take the plunge!.. Now I do.. I'm really, at fault... When I was able to make things clear, explain, I didn't! I hide and ran away from the problem, thinking that it would solve on its own...
I was wrong.. During this period of dragging, someone got hurt in the process. I didn't want that to happen, but selfish me, caused him to feel sad.. I made him sad!! how the hell can I do that to him??
A few hours ago, I thought, let's end it all to the pain, and stress I'm feeling now.. Once i'm gone, things might change for the better... Yes, I was on the verge.. I wasn't in the mood to study, my happy smile faded. I just lay... on my table.. Thinking of the different methods of death. Before I knew it.. I was... there... At the edge, looking down..... How would I end up? I don't care.. I didn't want this to happen anymore.. ..................

Before I left, I saw.... wugui.. hanging there... I felt the sharp pierce in my heart. How could I bear to leave him?? He was my first guy.... the first whom I loved truly.. The first, whom has loved me for me! Someone who actually know me inside out, found out my weak point and.... tried to change me for the better...
I once said, no one can change me, NO ONE!
But he did it! I changed, into someone else.. I don't know if its good, but I changed for him.. Realised that wugui was named after him
Wugui - hard on the outside, yet soft inside...
Yes, that's me... I may look very strong and mighty outside. But that was just my outer appearance.. I didn't realise this, until he came to prove to me.. That I needed support too.. He made me realise, I needed someone to rely on, so that if I were to break, I'd have someone to rely on.. Yes, someone.. To my luck, he was that one! We went through thick and thin, just to be together.. Yes, we did. Loads of sufferings, loads of hardwork... I want it to last, really.....

But come to think, I'm a jinx, what will I do to him?? Will I cause more pain into his agony life? Will I cause more tears to fall, just because of my selfish acts? What will happen?? I fear.... the most... I can't stand this... Maybe.... If......

Maybe... you might, feel better? I don't know, i don't like to make decisions!! Because every time I do, I make the wrong choice..... & harm myself or others. I don't like this. i really don't..... *sighs*.... What should I do??? Someone lead me the way....

Seeing your sweet photo, really brings the smile to me... I can't believe that, this is the cute you!, smiling all over... You once said, you've never laughed truly before, I was there, I wanted to make you smile to the max! But, seems like I can't do it... I failed... I'm a loser... If you have given me a chance, I want...... to make you smile, I want to leave the deepest impression on you. I want to be... there for you... because, you mean a lot to me...

# be honest, tell me the truth, tell me things and it shall only be meant for me...
# I want to change for you, because only you have the right to do that... You mean a lot to me....

2008-07-20T15:47:00.000+08:00

Hello (: Its a great sunday morning, waking up at 5.30am in the morning, got changed and guess where we went?!

TOWN!!

for?

2008 Nike Womens' 5km Run!

Whoot!! How EXCITING is that?! haha! Its like, 5.30am in the morning, 8,000 females showing up at town, for the 5km & 10km run!! Imagine that?! haha, how many of you out there would wake up at 5.30am, pay money for the registry fee, and RUN?! Oh gosh! You pay them to let you run?? xDDD I was laughing at my silly-ness! How silly can I get? But its okay, because I had mommy with me =] plus a few of her friends, with a daughter! total, 6 ladies, wearing the nike outfit and we were READY!! We did the pairing up of running, then we went off after some MASS warm up exercise.

*note; some girls were cam-whoring in the nike outfit cause it was translucent, and the coloured bras were........ *andros would be laughing at this part if he reads this ;p*

Me and aunty nellie went off to run, we were totally "hot"! As in on fire?! We managed to overtake, at least.... 1k? people, NO KID! I actually ran around 2km without stopping? :p After what I did yesterday, its TOTAL record breaking okay? :]] hehes~ But, i was totally faint-like after the 2.5km turn. Before I knew it, aunty nellie was a few metres away and I was walking :) That's the good thing, you walk around town, plus the tall buildings, no cars, no people, its HEAVEN! I felt like I was "queen" there hehes~

Then I was jogging the last few km, then I saw the finishing line. I must beat the timing! I ran!!!! Sprinted actually, and tried to push ahead of the girls infront, but instead I got elbowed a few times :(( Sobs! But oh well, what to do? They were strolling into the finishing line!! I was sprinting!! What are the chances of getting knocked at?? :D

SO NOT MY FAULT I GOT TOUCHED!! :x

Lalala....

I didn't go for tuition because I was awefully late :[[ And I went for lunch/breakfast with the ladies. Had fun of cause eating tim sum! Its been a while since I last ate there :p hehes~ &&, my day ahead, was totally boring, don't think it'll be any better, because.. someone's sleeping his ass off since last night... 12midnight? til now?! I don't know cause the phone is totally enganged! ARGH! Its so not fun, he calls himself the hot-line, yet where is he when I want to ask something?!?!?! crap crap crap!! Oh well, least I had andy to accompany me :]] which was good, but........ remember the promise? To make decisions on your own. Alright?? :]

~signing off!

I'm still feeling the funny feeling now; it feels as if, its drifting...
I may be wrong, but I definately don't want to find out..
I miss the warmth of the talks; the sillyness of the jokes; the cuteness of the voice..
Everyday, its been sad times. Its either who's or who's fault, it has never been OUR fault. WE cause these problems together. Not one side alone.

"It takes 2 hands to clap" - I agree!

Indeed, if there's no one to anger someone, no one to fight back, will there ever be a fight?
Never blame yourself for the things that happens, because its not solely your fault..
True, I often blame myself for the things that happen, and I don't want to burden others, thus I take all the blame solely on myself. An example would be what happened yesterday, when I caused a problem, and Andros got it! I blamed myself for that, and Andros, I'm sorry!!!

The drifts scares me, I get confuse at things. & lately, I've been "stoning" a lot. Its not because I'm weird, but I've been trying to think, about the consequences of my actions. Would doing this, harm the others around me? Would it cause others to be miserable? Its a question to be asked, but the answers would only come out, soon.....

# imiss the warmth of the hugs, teddie~

# wonder how'd you taste? :x

2008-07-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

Saturday, one of the best day ever in the week [: Why? Because, I get to go somewhere, where no one control me, no parents, hanging out with people around my age, and just be myself! That's the best thing ever! hehes~...
This morning, before everything started, I went out, to try taking a new bus to the church area. Didn't know that the difference duration of the bus ride, 52 VS 157, is of half-an-hour!? So I guess I reached the place, SUPER DUPER early?! I waited for the MR. ANDROS YIU for 40minutes! haha, can't really blame him because I didn't say how earlier was I going to reach, plus I didn't know the time difference was, THIS MUCH!? haha~ *PS; don't feel guilty, hehes.* So on waiting, I was pretty bored, so decided to "smile" at every bus passengers on-board :p AMAZINGLY, I managed to "seduce" the sweet uncles, and they smiled back at me. :]] HEHE!! I'm faithful okay?! Just that I was bored XD Sorry~~ :[[
After 40minutes, the KING finally arrived, with his RED CARPET! haha!! Just kidding! hehes~ Walked and hanged around, then I finally SAW IT!! IT!! ZIPPO DARLING!! my honey bunny zippo~ I L.O.V.E it VERY VERY de MUCH!.. its purple, and its new and clean and smooth!! Unlike someone's!? HAHA!! Zippo darling~ ^^, Tried to season it today, by flipping, lighting, flipping, lighting.. WOO~. PERFECT! XD
Went around, went to McDonald, find Marco and we ate (: Whoo~! Pei Jun, Sze Ern, Joshua came.. We were eating and having loads of fun questioning Joshua about what kind of girls he like! x)) Haha, we were totally laughing out heads off! xDD But but, after that went to find some other peeps,and went for service. I guess service today was alright, they were talking about being honest, and having integrity. Which totally blew me off! i need to confess loads of things man, like seriously! :x *shhhh* After that, we had this cel group thing, where we were discussing about things and played finger-guessing game. XD I don't even know what I'm doing ah; but I won XP
Then after that, something happened, I went out for a while to do something, and the whole thing was EXPOSED!! Sorry for causing so much trouble :(( I was really guilty for causing things, I'm so so sorry!! ;[ I emo-ed for the night through, and of cause, hanged out with some people, before going home.
&&, thanks to KING ANDROS; he made me walk millions of miles away! for a bus, which was located a few steps away only, but he gave me directions all the way to the other part of the WORLD!! SOBS, but lucky for him, I ran back!! Then the bus came and I got on board! LUCKY ASS!! Got home before I knew it, and home sweet home (:
I confessed to someone, about something wrong I did today, and I'm super super relieved!! XD Thanks for giving the push to confess the wrongdoing that I've done, I really hope I can be honest to others about things that I've done wrong too :]
Thank you Lord.

2008-07-18T14:58:00.000+08:00

Zippo zippo~ Its coming to me baby!! [<3] I'm so going to love it, bring it everywhere I go, play with it in school, and maybe plus the fluid, burn the school down!! Haha! Just kidding. Maybe just burn some peep's arse out of them! BURN BURN!!~
Thanks andros for going all the way to Far East to get it for me :D Exchange cash with goods! ^^, Anyways, because of this zippo, been cutting down on the food intake everyday. Instead of having recess, I've been eating breakfast = 1 raisin bread to survive for the day, til night maybe? Dinner! haha~ Pro right? Maybe in the afternoon, during recess I'll eat a bit then til night, I'll have dinner at night. Haha cool right? 2 meals in 1 day! Its okay, a bit suffering for zippo! My lovely darling~....

My day today was a relaxed one, because, its a friday!! hehes, first two period, biology. My teacher didn't come, guess she was pissed yesterday? haha I'm sorry!. Heard that she cried, and she's not feeling well today, so she didn't come. I think she's having some mental breakdown.
:[ Sad right? Aww, then biology remidial was cancelled! Hurray~. Then it was a-maths. I was doing my best,straining my brains in and out :[ But seems like I made some careless mistakes, which might cause me to lose a lot of marks! *yikes* Then it was chinese, another slacking period.! Yawns, that was my day before recess. Ate something during recess, before back to a-maths to learn more about integration! Totally confusing, I guess that's why I didn't get a chance to score, cause I was busy texting. :p hehes~..

Then after school, went for SS remidial, which was, watching "italian job" the ending, and once we finished it, we were allowed to leave and I accompanied angeline to some bubble tea shop, drank something and homed.. My day was so boring, yes it was... I was having my mood swings a few minutes ago, totally moodless to do anything. Had 10 miss calls, and I feel guilty... I guess, I'm just not the best gf I can ever be. I've been having mood swings, not caring for him, not shower love? tsktsk.. Plus, when he needs me the most, I wasn't there for him, some other girl was. I just feel that... Karma's coming.. Haha~ Maybe yes, maybe no.. I kept quiet the whole conversation with him. I just, stared into space.. before I knew it I broke into pieces once again. I didn't know what was wrong, neither do I think its his fault. But I guess I kept all the bad stuffs and memories inside me, they piled up and burst out of me just earlier. I was upset and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Thanks for andros, volunteering to buy the ZIPPO; awesome.. Thanks alot, claim if from you tomorrow~...

&, i'm going to bed now, I'm just pure... drained..... I need a break, from the world, and when I wake up, its time to study, study, and more study. Til tomorrow, that's when I start to PLAY~ and of cause, HAVE FUN! :D

2008-07-17T21:09:00.000+08:00

A silly photo for the day, me and little junior (: Given by someone special.
Little junior; lucky guy, brought him to so many places, and he tried to snatch the lime light from me uh! so mean x) I've brought him to, church, MRT stations, town, and a lot a lot of places! Lucky dude! Everywhere he goes, he'll get the attention seeker from all the people around, looking at his directions. Both guys and girls! Not fair!! x) SO cute right? :]]

Anyways, my day today was, quite.... high and low at times... This morning, talked to andy for a while before going to school, same old same old. On reaching school, we started off with social studies, which was a total SLACK period. Thanks to the teacher, she allowed us to watch a show called "Italian Job". Interesting show, and of cause, its such a nice time to watch a show, early in the morning! Then it was history. Thursday, its the humanities day, social studies and history consecutively! How bad can it get? :( The thing about history, the teacher didn't come, yet we still had to do some essay thing. Sobs, it was super boring.! Urgh~
After that, it was a-mathematics. We were going through this A-maths test, which i totally could've scored?! But the problem was because of the last question, a 5 marks question, totally easy to score, yet! Due to the lack of time, because I was busy texting instead of focusing on the question. Bleah~ So I left the last question blank! whee~ But but! GUESS WHAT?! I got correct for the first question, which is.. ONLY I DID!! *shocking!* isn't it?! hehe~ I'm going to get a lollipop from my mathematics teacher!! haha~ My reward~ :D
Recess was the same same.. *shhhh..*
Went for chemistry then, it was totally quite draining then. My head totally hurt and it was so warm! I nearly slept, but I made it through! haha, after that, chinese cum chemistry. We did some chemistry homework during chinese lessons and that was it!..
Lastly BIOLOGY!!!
my favourite! haha! Something exciting had to happen today?! Like super super funny! We were on this topic about, "sexual reproduction in human beings"
*like FINALLY?!* - quoted from the guys
Then the teacher was going through this topic, menstrual cycle! Then she teached, I stoned because I was totally tired! My dear girl beside me was already in lala land! haha. Then suddenly; my teacher took out 2pads! Which was, 1 with wings, the other without. She was talking about it, then I heard, from one of my guy friends, "where the wings go? Stick on the butt is it?" Then I laughed out LOUD!! It was freaking funny!! Then the teacher too talked about tampons~ About sticking it somewhere???? :/ don't know where? XDD haha! Super funny, but something had to happen after that, and I nearly got a demerit point!! ouch~ My records are totally CLEAN!, no way because of pads will I get 1 black dot! haha...

Anyways, talked to andy again, super funny ah! Purposely make me de! *BU YAO BI WO!!!* hehes... Went for physics, then homed... Totally studying like, from 5pm til 9pm!! SERIOUSLY AH!! haha, just that in-between I had breaks. XDD toilet breaks, dinner break, call breaks.. haha!.. and now, 9pm to 10pm, its computer time! &,... I'm going to bridge now! someone's waiting!! HOHO!!! toodles~

iloveyou

2008-07-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

Confused! I'm super super confused right now!
A short post, maybe about my previous days, I got my 9th piercing! It was done on the Sunday because of some reasons. I was disappointed, but oh hell. Predicted!... Monday was a total bore! Ended classes at 5pm, and went home straight after that. i really hope that, Tuesday 15th July 2008 was the best day ever! I was looking forward, but seems like... these things were predictable. haha

&&, I was excited from this morning, because I'm going to see andy! Like after a few months?! how cool? I knew, that my chances of getting to see his was totally low, but I hanged on, and I wanted to really, get what I wanted. I "ren" throughout. I didn't know what to do, I just pushed myself, to tahan the hard sufferings that I've been through, just to see and be with him.. Yeah, I'm not complaining, but just stating how I really felt then.. :(

Everything was alright, until this morning, when I couldn't see him anymore due to some reasons. :( I was totally pissed and angry, ; LEAVE ME ALONE was what I said. I felt really unhappy that the multiple times, we just failed to meet up! I was and am very angry......... I just don't know how to expressing my feelings.. I just felt as if the world has crashed onto my shoulders, and I felt the heavy burden. I feel super disappointed now, Really am...

The afternoon was my listening comprehension, it was totally screwed up, so I don't want to talk about it.. Went to find Andros for some stuffs. It was totally soothing..Soon I'll get addicted to it, haha! Til then wish me luck!! Went to find the peeps and we went to mac. Me, Andros and someone else went out mac HQ for a breather. I felt so much better and thanks for letting me share my things :{ My head was totally heavy and, yeah I stayed over for a while more before leaving for home.

It was interesting, but on the way back, I had a short/long talk with andy, we had loads of fun talking or should I say I enjoyed it. The time back was alright, til I heard some news from someone else. I felt that I needed to clarify with some man topic. haha! We changed position and went out for a breather. I had loads of fun and of cause was de-stressed! Yeah, I'm trying to rest and think for a while before someone told me something andy :( On hearing this news, I couldn't believe, and I clarified things. But who knew, reality hurts more! I just felt my heart has totally cracked into pieces and went down!! :[

I don't know why, I'm really glad you offered to help me that's why you had this mind-set to help me in any way, to help me feel less stress. :[ But,... I'm just scared, why did you even have this mind-set? Meaning? That in the future, you'll be doing it!! Reality.. I'm going to lose you one day, I know... haiz. I feel, that I've had enough.. i don't know, if this were to happen again, i'd break!.. for sure.... into million pieces.. haiz... I'm really afraid! :[ karma..... haiz.... I'm just feeling really really confused right now.. I need time to think it through......

&&, i totally feel like crying now.. Really...... tears fall upon the eyes... :/ I need time to think it though alone...

somehow, after reading something... I feel, that i'm really a failure.. Why? i haven't been the best girlfriend I can ever be. I've been neglecting the feelings and hidden meaning of his actions.. I used to think, i'm always the right one, he's always wrong. Yet this time, i know i'm in the wrong.. haiz.. I'm the wrong party.... &&, I hate this...... I need to understand people more..... haiz

2008-07-14T06:27:00.000+08:00

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared

In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me

Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said

In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)

Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)

Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry

Because a true love never dies.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Read the lyrics, understand the song.
This is how I exactly feel right now; totally the same!

I can't believed when I actually heard the song for the first time, I realise, wow, its exactly how I felt...
Goodbye; its a difficult thing to say, and I'd bet not many like saying it, because it might mean, never to meet again....

& lastly, Because a true love never dies.......
Yes, that's between me to him, I don't ever think my love for him will ever fade off anytime soon because I think..... Nope, I'm sure, he's the best ever. But yet at times, I feel that..... Sometimes god is testing me. He wants to test my love for him, will it be strong enough to hold on and go through all the obstacles together. I'm feeling that I'm really being tested. & at times though I seem to have given up, my guardian angel, always pushes me back on track to continue the lethargic journey...

Guardian Angel; thank you for being there for me. It has been tough on you lately too because I've caused so many problems for you... I really hope that you'll be blessed with loads of love, from someone special.. She might be the one for you, and I must not be selfish to keep you always by my side to take care of me. No I shan't.. You must live your life too as per normal. Go out, have fun and of cause, find the true one. The journey ahead will be a tough and rocky one for you. YOu might meet up with the good people and maybe the not so good type. But its okay, that's life. You have to go through experiences, taste the pain before you gain. "no pain, no gain" [: & once again, thanks for being there for me, I'll support you always, by your side and cheer you on! Til you find the one, i'm here to help you and guide you, trust me (:

2008-07-13T08:16:00.000+08:00

I didn't want this to happen, I really didn't. I made a decision and I'm going to see if this will work out. Either ways, I just got news that Andy's going through a lot now, and won't be coming to meet me. Haha. I hate to say this, but yeah, I was once again disappointed...

The day you left for LA, I was sad, I was hurt that you were going to be somewhere far away from me. But I knew, you had to go there for your health purpose! I had no choice, for your health, to let you go. It was a hard decision for me, but I did. A few weeks ago, I thought, all the things I had to go through, was all over. But seems like it hasn't and I guess its just the beginning for me. The test, came over and over again. It seems like its never ending...

And now, its beginning all over again. Because I was afraid, afraid of being let down once again by you. It hurts... I have faith in you, to be there for me, catch me when I fall. Somehow things doesn't seems to happen as how I wanted it to be. I had a decision yesterday, I made it because I thought, we should have some time alone, while you focus on recovering and no matter what, I'll still be here to be your supporter, always.

Last night, we had plans for the next day, I was happy, you really managed to lift all the burden off my heart. I was looking forward, but indeed I didn't have too much hope. I didn't want to fly up to the highest peak and just fall straight to the ground, without anyone there to catch me. I feel lost without you, I want you to be alright and healthy. I don't know what else to do. I can only sit there and wait for news about you. But its terrifying! I don't want to receive any calls or text saying that you've been hospitalized, nor do I want things saying that you've fainted and all. I'm scared, andy I'm really scared. I felt so lost last night when I made the decision. Am I doing the right decision?

Yes, I made an excuse. There was a hidden reason as to why I made the decision. I feel that I need time, to think it through, and so should you... Remember the time you told me, it was because of me that you were persevering. Yes, I'm happy that I've been and had helped you in a way or another. But... I really don't wish to see your relying on me. I can't promise what happens in the future, and I too, want you to be strong, no matter alone or with me.. You can do it, so I'm trying to give this test a shot. I want to see the outcome of my decision and hope that all will turn out well.

I made that decision was also to prove something! I don't know what will happen, but the outcome will surface soon, in about a few days time. I'm going to prove something, but if things don't go according to plan, congratulations, and blessings~

This decision, might cause me to lose 2 guys which are important in my life. No comparison needed, they are both equally important. Both whom I need to protect and be there for them. If I really lose them both, I have no one else to blame but myself. I shall not push the blame to others and just blame myself, my decisions made and blame me alone. The two, have played important roles in my life, I really want to thank them for everything. I really do. No matter what, I'll still be there for both of you.

Andy;
If you're the star, I'm the moon.
If you're the coffee, I'm the foam.
If you're the chocolate, I'm the marshmallow.

I want to be the other one for you, but seems like in every way I try, its not working. I've tried ways to be there for you, but seems to me that I'm doing it all wrong.... Every time I think about it, its has always been me hurting you, and I haven't been there for you. I'm a failure. I've not done a good job as your girlfriend. I've always hurt you. I dare not seek your forgiveness, neither will I want to because I doubt I can even forgive myself for all that I've done. You're different, you've always been there for me. You've always cared and shower loads of love to me. I really thank you for that. You even made things for me that you've never made for others. You went to learn how to sew and cook for me. How much more can I ask for? You've given me what every girls want and need. Love, Care and of cause Concern. Some guys just focus on the courtship, and during the relation, they just don't give a damn about buying gifts nor, try to cheer their girlfriend up! For you, its different, you were there for me.. I loved you for that.
But something that I didn't really like, was that you kept things from me. Things that you should tell and you didn't. I don't wanna know if its a white or black lie, a lie is a lie. I thought we actually had faith and trust in each other? I wanted you to be honest that's all. I don't want others to come and tell me things which I don't even know and feel that, as your girlfriend, is this how I'm suppose to be?? Not know anything like some stupid girl, and wait for someone to bring some shocking news which might just kill me? I don't like this, I just wanted honesty, no matter how serious the situation is, I want to be there for you, share it with you, go through all the hard moments with you! please, let me do that... Don't keep things from me, its as if you're telling me, get lost, its none of my business. I was hurt knowing something yesterday...
& you said you were going to leave, please don't leave........... You knew how I felt yesterday, You heard me...
I really hope you can sense me.... Deep inside.. about how I feel and not think otherwise....
Believe me...

2008-07-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

Separated;Lost; Heartbroken;

I have nothing else to say... Today have been a tough and a rough day. Even though I had fun with the people today, its been quite a long and tiring day for me. Hehehe.
The day started off, I woke up late! Gosh, I thought he was going to kill me, seems like I was earlier though I was late ;] *whee~*
Took a bus to Bukit Timah and went shopping for some ice-cream, marshmallow, snacks and lastly, an Eeyore! We went to read some "x" magazines all about FEMALES~ haha! My secret is EXPOSED x)
Anyways left the area, left the items at his place and went to sit down and relax a bit. Just had fun looking at the scenery & being the best bitch and bastard EVER! haha!! After an hour? We started roaming around the area, & finally on walking under an overhead-driveway, we saw this couple, they were sitting there, in an awkward position. I didn't know until SOMEONE asked me to look?! haha. I saw then I turned and I wonder, what in the world were they doing? LC?! haha! Who cares, but sadly, I didn't get a free show :( *sobs*
Went off to find Sze Ern and Marco! Amazing how much I missed them. :o boohoo~~ Went off to meet up with the rest of the peeps and the weather was super duper warm! Reached the place soon and today, it was different! Instead of the usual things, we had dancers coming! They were called "Nubian Gents and Feminine Fire". They were American Black dancers which came today to dance for us, and it was super duper nice! haha! I had loads of fun watching the dancers dance + sing. They were super good!! ;p
I had loads of fun at the service, and of cause, with great company, of Sze Ern, Marco, Andros, Jeslin, Shu En, Kong An, and many many more! They were being the nice people they can be again! haha!
Then for after-session time together, we had this get-together at Andros' place. So we got together and had chocolate fondue! It was super super nice, yet it wasn't dinner definitely! I didn't want to eat so much! After eating, there were more games, & I did some homework alone upstairs as it was quite noisy. Who knew, Lu Wei came up and started playing the guitar, + Andros and they sang! Kuku heads, they totally distracted me, yet I was de-stressing with their amazing singing talents! haha! Serious uh, its quite nice to sing duet "Always Be My Baby".

The time really pass very fast when you're having fun. We had more food and food! + games and games! It was fun! Then I was enjoying my time, me + the air-con. Our special moments together. Air-con gave me the cool air, I showed him a smile and he blew more cooling air at me.. BLEH! just crapping, once again x)
Went to finish my homework and that was when I started to think A LOT!! I was thinking, of different things and more things. I just thought and thought... Til I finally BROKE!~ I was at the edge of falling, I just couldn't stand it anymore and said it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you and make you tear for me. I'm such a bitch to do that. I didn't want to sit there, not doing anything. I knew I had to do SOMETHING! but it matters as to, WHAT and HOW am I going tot do it!? Haiz, I'm just feeling super down right how. I don't know why.... Have I made the right decision? Is things going to be okay? I don't know, its hard to find out, but I really hope that I'll discover it asap!
I went to solo night~ Spam the "kens + light" and finally I seh diao~ I was tired, and I am right now, but I'm going to type a bit more. I really love you, it has always been you and always you. I need no one else to add on things to confuse you more, or make you think too much okay? You have any doubts, clear it with me~ No problem, I'll answer you honestly.... Don't ask outsiders, as me. Okay? [:

Went home at around late late at night, and finally reached home.. Tomorrow... AKA Today... will it be awesome?

I feel like the world has turn its back on me...
I don't know, the feel of walls closing on you....
Darkness falls upon the soul,
& I can't take anymore~~~

Savage the situation, that's all I need to do. SOON!! Let's see what we get...

2008-07-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

It was another lethargic day, tiring yet I had fun and loads of experience today [:

Today is a Thursday, my time table for the day was totally packed, and definitely a drag, as it consist of Biology, Social Studies, History and Chemistry!
I had Social Studies, followed up with History, consecutively? It was such a drain! Lucky for me, I didn't sleep in any of the classes, honest! ( Do I get a reward for this? haha ) Anyways, during break time, darling called. Cutey was still sleeping, *awwww* Cute pig pig. We talked for a few minutes only before I started my break and ate. Super duper hungry. I guess its because I forgot breakfast? Or am I just stuffing myself? *yikes* Well, 5 steps before I reached the next homeroom after break, dear texted and wanted to talk to me for a while. So sweet, he missed me so much =p haha!. Missed you too! But I was totally focusing during chemistry, after the break. We just started on a new topic all about organic chemistry; and all I can say is that I ain't getting any idea about this thing? I was totally stunned and guess what? Its mostly memorising! How better can it get? haha!

Chinese; listening comprehension and I failed. Crap. I really hope to be able to get at least a B3 for my O's chinese, so I can just put the subject down for the few months and focus more on other subjects [: *let's hope for the best!*
&&, lastly biology. I really wanted time to pass quickly as I wanted to get over to ngee ann open house ASAP! But guess what? i got over to a wrong bus-stop and had to transfer buses to get to some place? *gosh!* Was talking to dear on the phone, and he was laughing at me being such a silly girl and a noob at directions :( *sniff sniff* Well,got on the bus and took like super duper long to reach the destination! Argh! But it was all worth it because, GUESS WHO CAME?!

ANDROS YIU

haha. Shocking isn't it? Yeap! Sneaky ass! Anyways he fed me "black forest" cake, and as to how it taste, I shall describe it later on [:
Okay, on visiting Ngee Ann, the wonderful humongous school which made me feel lost?! We were finding our way in and thankfully we found the crowd! We pretended to be looking through the courses, and I went to ask some stuffs. Then..... haiz... let's not talk about what happened. It was totally depressing, well well, its the responsibility I have to take for my own actions. I suggested it, the action was taken, now its too late.. Sorry!!! :((
Well, Andros had his female friend along too, Rachael? Yeah, nice girl, totally the English-type of girl, haha, still cute!.We went to the IT-course school and went for some trial coursework. I wasn't alright, but I tried to look alright :] It succeed! I was busy listening, then there was this group work thing. They asked what kind of drawings do I want, I just said, PIG! She used the programme, and started typing codes in! "oval" "colour" and coordinates! It was a trial and error thing, so much changes need to be made over and over again, to be perfect :x Poor girl. Then I started crapping a lot, while Andros was busy texting someone? Didn't manage to peek though, but I want to know who he/she is! haha! Curious!! *hmmmmm*
Anyways we went to the waiting area, and Andros got a call!! SUSPICIOUS!!! I wanted to like "tou ting" but he ran to the other side! *argh!* Very good! haha! Then we got on some bus to the other side of the polytechnic. && guess what?! ANDROS brings MAXIM to school!! *naughty boy!!!* But its okay, interesting goods should be shared [: BLEAH!. haha!
Went to collect our goodie bags and off we went!. Me, Andros and Rachael, 3 of us went to MacDonald's HQ, they ate there, I ate the cake, AWESOME, DELICIOUS, MAGNIFICENT! It can't be explained, but it was totally nice!! :D haha! Thanks ANDROS!!! you're the best! (:

Food really makes me melt ^^, *dear should know that ah :D *

It started to rain, and I had problems getting home :( Sobs, lucky for the umbrella (NOT MINE). I got to the bus-stop safe and sound, and DRY! :D Andros waited for the bus with me, and goodbye!.. Texted darling on the way home, it was fun :] Okay, I'm weird. But I'm really glad I had someone to text to, because the bus ride was super duper long! & I didn't have any seat until 30 minutes later. Sobs, poor feet!.
Got home safe and sound after 1 hour, went to wash up, and locked myself in the room to MSN + do a mathematics paper. That was my day [: long and draggy...

Tomorrow is going to be worse, and Saturday is going to be Awesome!.
Sunday is even better :D cause I sense the LOVE DAY! x)))

Alright, its 12.15, have to go now or else someone might nag!! *yawns*
GOOD NIGHT FOLKS!!!

Quantity VS Quality

2008-07-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

Topic for the day, QUANTITY vs QUALITY!

Hmmm, just to ask you people out there. Quantity VS Quality, which is better? Which one do you think its worth? haha. Its such a random topic, I know! But just thought about it and I have an example for it, yet I'm not saying what it is (:
Been having loads of fun, getting high lately. Due to various reasons, example, talking to beloved ANDY, hearing handsome ANDROS strum his guitar and singing "Tongue Tied by Faber Drive", realising how lucky I am to have andy loving me, because he's really really nice! Lately he has been doing loads of things for me, and planning loads of surprise gifts or meet-ups for me [: cutey!~

Anyways, my day for the day was... straining!! This morning, it was raining cats and dogs. I have a slight phobia of thunder, and especially sudden light from the lightning, following by the thunder *BOOM!* I used to cover my ears when I was young, that was being CUTE, but now if I do that, I just look retard, and wimpy! So I try to put up a brave front, and... keep my fear from others. Its super scary and definitely difficult.
Got to school on time, and the day started! I was having fun for the first half of the morning, planning on an exciting movie outing later on that afternoon after our classes. I was so psyched! Its been a few months since I last watched any movie, so I guess I was kind of excited. Yet, at that same afternoon, I realised that dear wanted to give me a surprise visit! I was shocked! Happy and excited too! I wanted to cancel my date with my schoolmates, yet instead something happened. We fought. Sad, first time. I felt so angry with myself. I knew he was joking, yet at that moment I suddenly felt the adrenalin rush up to my brains, causing it to FUME! I blew my top and threw a tantrum at him. I felt crap after that, and made him sad. Sorry dear, I hope that you'll forgive me, I really didn't mean to do it, I just lost myself to anger, I'll try not to do it again, promise. Really!
But after that, I was totally drained and tired! I walked like a zombie and dragged my heavy feet back for science practical. Yet, I thought within 1 hour, I could get things done, instead, I had to do TWO practicals?! Which totally took 2 hours to complete?! I was suppose to end at 3.50, and go for the movie at 4.20. YET, my biology teacher made me complete the practical and took my movie time away! *sobs* I really hated her and lost mood about biology. She said we can do on our own, yet she made us do another practical before that.! Dang.. I hate this...
In the end, I ended up finishing school at 5, and went to find siti to teach her mathematics. It was Super fun teaching her (: &, went home after that, talked to dear on the phone, blah blah~~ *our secret*
Homed and went out again at around 8 for some awesome dinner! woot! I love eating there, and at last went home... My day was just like that, pure boredom, but I bet tomorrow will be better, because I'm going somewhere else! :D haha!

*quantity VS quality* which is better?

2008-07-08T21:32:00.000+08:00

Today has been a tough day for me. I had a long night, thinking, crying, and definately a noisy night thanks to somebody. haha. Yes, I had some problems, not sure what it was, can't remember, neither do I want to anyways. I was just thinking... Can I forget the past, forget and erase all sight, execpt for him.. I want everyone to disappear, other girls to disappear.. I'm selfish, that's me! I want him all to myself, but looks like its impossible. Things can happen, so I don't hope for the best and always get myself prepared to fall anytime soon. My thoughts for the night, was vivdly clear. I remembered, we fought. Over slightest thing as to, why didn't you take care?? & we blamed each other for the things that happens, thinking that its all our fault!

We were too busy fighting, that we didn't think of the good side of this? Why are we blaming ourselves? Its because we love the opposite, and care for em. Yes, sorry andy for what happened last night. I just hope that you're alright & over that incident ...just saw something.... I wasn't but I AM disturbed by it.

*~~Its such a leisure seeing him...~~*

Crapped! I just feel so jealous on seeing this, i really am. Haiz, Its not fair. Others get to see him everyday, look at his wonderous features from head to toe, his cute actions and get to hear his voice 24/7. Yet what about me? I barely can do these. I only can hear him, let alone touch or see him.? Oh crap~ I hate this. I really hate this. *sighs*. Oh what the hell! I'm going to go into my depression mood soon. & i'm just, happy that I know that someone will always be there for me, supporting me. Yes, its you! the person who requested and rushed me into blogging. haha!

Anyways thought there are bad stuffs, but there are some good things too. Like.... I got home by 4 and slacked around. I managed to not feel pissed off with some unwanted peeps that I met or talked to. &, i managed to fool a silly guy today with my wonderful written work :] naive! plus, dear called to talk to me, haha, how often do I get this? RARELY, but i still treasure every conversation with him, no matter how long it is. &, i finished my chemistry homework though i'm postive that 50% of the answers are wong? &, Andros-ge played the guitar for me? Song; its all about you; by someone? && TongueTied - FaberDrive! LOVELYsong! xD And... Last but not least, a gift, picture from deary andy. Sweet right?

don't know why lately he has been so nice to me lately that I'm feeling the.... strange feeling. That something is going to happen :( but i hope i'm wrong!

baby, i love you too!!, always be mine?

2008-07-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling super tired and drained from the activites I had today. Indeed, I had a late night sleep, and I had the weirdest dream of my life! Seems like I had some soul exchange with ANDROS! He's becomed me, and has nice sweet dreams + long comfy night sleeps. Whereas me? I got his sleepless-night illness! Argh, what a nice timing. But anyways, last night's dream was about Andros and his ALPHABETICAL names of girlfriends [EX] *bleh*, I shall name some of em, but I only met a few. Example, alphabet P to X!

Pauline, Quinna, Racheal, Stella, Tiffany, Uvonne, Viola, Wendy, Xiaomin. Interesting right?? Amazing how someone would be able to do that ^^, Shall I try? 26 boyfriends [EX + Current] Wolala~ hehes. Nahh, just kidding. I won't be like that, I'm faithful to one :3

Anyways, got up for training, bathed, changed and went to court with Rick& Darren eng. We reached there, only to find that loads arrived already! whoots~ But some didn't come, due to the reason, [GF]. I'm sorry, I know the GF is important, but so is the team. I really hope they can set their priority right, and of cause, the training is only once a week? I don't believe that the person would be so busy that he/she can't even come for that DAY! *tsktsk*

In short, training was fun + tiring + WET! It sorta rained in the afternoon, and they were nuts to play in the rain! I can't believe myself that I was also NUTS to join them :( haha! But we had loads of fun :]

left; Rick, Grayson, DarrenEng, Me, Quinfei, Edbert, Darence, Siti, Ivan [photographer; yuchen]

Our wonderful stinky shoes! 5 bball, 1 being used for playing [:

I remember, that we had a conflict with some other guy from the other side of the court and they nearly called back-up :] so did we. But thankfully it was solved in a jiffy~ & siti was super scared about the gangs showing up :p haha!

We finished the game at around 2 plus and went to have our lunch at forks&spoon. It was super COLD! dang, we were wet and we went into a food court? AIR-CONDITIONED? dang, haven't we died before? x) haha! Ate and left. But we left a present for them too! WET SITS! Our asses were totally SOAKED and wet, but we didn't care. Bleah~

Anyways, went home after that and saw my grandma around the area. She was looking for some herb medicine and removing some of em from the nearby garden. I didn't know if it was legal, so I just watched her. But I felt super sad for her, plus she's getting on her age, I must help! So I decided to pluck some too, and Vollah~, i got more blisters on my fingers :p haha! .. Congrats :]

okay, last but not least, something for my darling for trying out, making something new for me ^^, love you dear!

2008-07-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

I'm so proud of myself, and satisfied with what I did today [:
For once, I did something meaningful and didn't waste my time slacking around and using the computer for hours! Yes, I still did use the computer for HALF the day, and I did stay at home to rot for HALF the day. Guess what I did?? [:
I made presents! Okay, let me start from the morning. I woke up early in the morning, feeling super duper pissed off! But lucky darling managed to bring me back to being the cheerful girl :) Had a talk with him in the morning, what a sweet morning ^^, Went to wash up and went for tuition. 2hours of physics, I learnt new stuffs, and once I got out of the classroom, they VANISH! *poof*

Anyways, went to cut, trim my hair a bit. It was getting irritating that it was curling :/ Oh well, no money for rebonding, no talk :p haha!. Well, went to bishan park in vain search of saga seeds. I heard its a romantic seed, plus its red! I could actually make something out of it (: But to dismay, I didn't find anything in bishan. Sobs~ I went to other parks around the neighbour places, but nothing! I went home disappointed, what am I going to do for dear now? I promised to make something for him but I couldn't find the goods :( No fear, PLAN B! Using something else :p hehes~

Indeed, I started making from 3pm onwards when I got home. Did one for baby, and one for andros. *later he start nagging why he doesn't have one ;/* haha! Just kidding ^^, Total I had to "design" two types of "art" and glued the pieces together. Shockingly, this was the second time? third? Using super glue! I was super freaked out! :( But oh hell, I still got em spilled over my hand, shirt, shorts, arm and the worse thing of all FINGERS! My middle and fourth finger got stuck together! I was panicking! I tried to peel the glue off but it hurts!! :( sobs~ Oh well, least its seperated now. hehes. I love you fingers!

Thankfully, after all the making and designing + touch-up. I guess I finally ended my long day!
conclusion;
2 presents, 3pm - 11pm
That was how long I took! Imagine that? & to think its such a simple design and all :[[ Hope the two would like it *bites*...

Anyways I promised darling to sleep early, and its already 12.22am xD Haha, OOPS~ anyways he's cooking something for me! or sorta, LEARNING! HEHES~ sweet right?? Plus its my favourite food.! SO TRUE!! I wanna taste it asap :p hehes~ Jiayou darling!

enjoy your day tomorrow~ [<3]

2008-07-05T19:46:00.000+08:00

Tell me, how do you feel on seeing this?
-Funny?
-ForREAL?
-Silly?
-Love?

hehes, yeap, these was the feelings I had on seeing this. I saw this the first time some where, and I stared at it? Haha, so cute and funny! Yet I looked at it over again, oh gosh? I can't believe that you can actually TAPE it x) and it was really silly =] The last time, I saw was when I was scrolling through my pictures, then I saw this. I saw LOVE, it was so romantic, so funny, so cute and loving? Imagine if someone, example your boyfriend was being this silly guy, he saw that you were sad that something of yours broke. He didn't want you to be sad, so he took tape and taped the broken pieces up =] indeed, it looks as if brand new, but is that the main point? No, the guy was sweet, just because he didn't want his girl to be sad, he pieced the heart up :] sweet right?? I totally love this picture, so here's a short post to comment about it
[<3]

2008-07-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

Hey, just here to write a short post about my day. I'm feeling very lonely right now, and super stressed up and I hate myself for not being able to do well for anything!
Time's running short, darling has left for his operation.. Its been 13hours since his last text, and I'm getting worried. I don't feel like texting or calling him, which might end up being answered by his sister, and maybe I'd hear her cry or what? Which will, definately, make me cry too. I told him, I'd wait for his text, and that will be from him. A text from him to tell me its all over, and everything is going to be alright from now on. Yes, I really want to recieve this text from him, soon!

But I shall let on another secret that happened, or should I say found and clarified with today. It was shocking to me, and after knowing this news, I'm really confused right now. Yes indeed, it has to do with someone, and someone, and... more someone :D It's my secret, and I shan't reveal it here?? But I'm just confused. really confused and lost. "i'm LOST, BROKEN, CONFUSED~" I don't know what reaction I should have, neither do I know what should I do next. I just want time to pass, so that things clear or suface clearer? Yeah, I'd need a guide, seriously. I'm feeling that whatever decision, I'm going to hurt someone. So I have to make a clear and strong decision. Kimberly jiayou!

&, to cut short, my chinese o's oral topic today was about the youth olympic 2010. Why did singapore won the place to hold this event? I was stunned!? You know how easy is this right? But I had this stubborn thought, that the youth olympic WILL NEVER come out?! Because I thought, since its only a recent thing that was announced, they wouldn't have the time to change the oral topics or what? But who knew? thanks to that topic, I think i'm going to flunk my exams. I was practically chased out of the examination area?! They were like, you have anything else to say? Then okay, that's all, good bye~ and ask me to leave!! Oh hell, how embarrassed or sad I was? I was depressed and cursed and swear at every sentence! What the?? -.- I'm sorry darling and andros for not being able to do my best for the paper. I really hope that my listening might bring my results up :( i really hope!!! sobs...

13hours, when will you reply? i'm waiting by the phone each minute, each second, just to wait for your phone call. Darling I miss you`

The END!

2008-07-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

I nearly gave up, gave up from the hardship I've been through.

School was alright today. I've been trying to focus real hard on the various topics that the teachers are rushing through, yet at times I'm still blurred about some questions about the topic, yet I didn't bother to ask cause I knew that if I did, I'd be dragging the day more. *sighs* I was wishing for home when I was in school, and now I'm at home, I'm wishing to go to town to grab some ice-cream, or pop by jurong to meet up with darling. *sobs*... I just got news about some stuffs, and I'm going to emphasise on it later on. But for now, all I can blog about is about my 2nd home [school], which I usually spend almost half my day there? Early morning 7am, I step into the home, I looked at the different rooms we have, wow, so homey~ From 7am, until 5pm usually? Around 10hours in school. wow, I barely spend this amount of time at home unless I'm really lazy or sick! &, the amount of time I spend with my teachers, its definately more than my parents, DEFINATELY! I wonder, would my teachers one day, become our gan-mom or dad? How cool is that?

From a teachers' point of view, 40 newly adopted kids! whee~ & defaintely for me, a new mommy/daddy! How nice? :D another mother to take care and pamper us :p hehes~ Well, yes, school has been my 2nd home since, forever. But not to drag on about this, I just want to say and maybe pray for tomorrow...

Dear lord, I really hope that god, you will be able to take care of andy and make sure he manages to survive through the major thing tomorrow. Lord, he's actually a nice guy, and I believe that as long as he puts in effort to change over, he'll be a good kid. I really hope that dear lord, you'll be able to give him the strength and hope to pull this through tomorrow. Its a big day for him, yes indeed, so is it for me. I'm about to have my o's oral examinations paper tomorrow too. I really hope that lord, you'll be able to give me the hope and strength too to be able to do well for my paper, so that I'll be able to do well and make my parents, andy and definately, you lord, proud. I really hope for the best for tomorrow,and no matter what the outcome is, I will always believe that, dear lord, you've done your best to help me. I will thank, you lord, for all that you've done, and pray.... Amen.

Darling, I know you've heard me nag a thousand, millions times about your health, so I'm not going to nag at you again here. You've been there for me, always been there. I'm happy to just even know you, let alone got a chance to love you?? Gosh, I don't know how blessed I am already??? Haha. I'm sorry about the mood swing and about how I acted earlier. I had the feeling that our first quarrel was to start, yet lucky me, you were nice to allow me to have my mood swings and flare my mood swings towards you. I'm sorry. The suggestion of leaving was super silly and a stupid thing to do. I really had the thought to say the sentence, I was on the verge of breaking, yes I was. I just stared at the laptop screen and told myself. I'm going to lose you, definately. Why not let you go peacefully? and maybe you'll feel better leaving this world without worries? But what the?! I'm talking about death here! Its serious!! I'm going to get serious too :( I'm DEAD serious right now. And I want to tell you this, you listen up.. I want you to do your best, to fight all the pain and sufferings. I really beg you, just ONE MORE!, please just do it for me. Survive this, and all pain cum sufferings will be over. Promise you that i'll take good care of you!!

Andros-ge once asked me this question, STUDIES VS BOYFRIEND, after much thought, BF won! believe it? haha. Yes, I mean it! You can take all your time to study, all the time to get a diploma, degree, masters, phD, but you don't have time to accompany your bf?? You're important to me, yes you are. I want you to know that, Wo Ai Ni!! Really really love you to the max!! [: I don't know how to express, neither do I know whether you're able to feel my love? But just that, I want you by my side, ALWAYS by my side to support me whenever I fall. Yes darling?? ^^ okay... I guess I have to go soon... Its 12midnights, my eyes are droopy again, sobs~. Well, good nights people,& i really hope darling to be able to see this before he goes :)

2008-06-30T22:16:00.000+08:00

Yawns~ At times I just wonder, will stuff bears talk?? Will they always be there to accompany you 24/7 and always be there when you need them? If that would work, I'd be glad to have little junior here to accompany me... He's currently under my chin, staring into the computer screen. hehes...

&&, today it was a rough and hectic day for me indeed. Morning was english period and I realise something, my english teacher has the potential of being a nanny! During english period, she was talking about us, and the 'O' Level Examinations arriving soon. & she started talking about taking care of our body, drinking loads of water and of cause exercise well! She starting talking about the consequences of our body getting ill, and hence causing us to miss this miss that. Or, if we were to end up at the hospital, we would have to take the paper IN the hospital~ Cool right? Alone in the ward, me & the invigilator staring at each other as I take the paper. No stress, with our own comfort zone. PERFECT! But what are the chances? Unless I try to commit some suicide "accident" of getting into a car crash, maybe? haha! Just kidding...

Next period was physical education. Again, FREE&EASY! We had the time to do our things, so we had this 4 round warm up and I was panting! Gosh, its not right! I want and needed to do well for the upcoming school running event! I can't fail my classmates neither my boy, who might be coming ^^ Really hope to see you there, cheering for me! Yes, I'm planning on going to gym every weekend for a run and work out? Or maybe just to a park to do running would do, hehes.

Mathematics was bore, as I've lost my A-maths book which totally sucked! Why would someone wanna steal a front page-less book? Even though it cost $28?! Gosh, I just hate it when I lose something, first my HUNDRED dollars pair of shoes, then my "present" keychain which was super important to me, and now my A-maths textbook! Dang, why am I so unlucky? *sighs*

Worse thing, after recess, we had CME, I was being the "high" me, being all talkative about some "voting" system and our point of view. We debated about things. & I had this comment that having the jury system in a court is fair, whereas 36 of my other classmates think otherwise. ME, alone VS all of em. Wow, it was tough :S But I tried my best, haha, quantity does beat quality! :p haha

Physics was bore, doing some SPA paper 3 thing, designing our own experiment. It was definately the worse time of my day, just pure writing for an hour, no talking.. I was bored to tears! But instead, I was being goodie girl today, I didn't slept in class, neither did I text! I switched off my phone during classes, and only turn it on when I'm having my break :) nice ma? hehes... I shall do this everyday, then I'll be able to focus well in my subjects and start preparing for my o's! hoho!

Break again and I had this conflict with someone today. Well, I kinda said something jokingly, didn't mean it but I guess I did say something wrong and in the end, got hurt in the process. I accidentally knocked my back side spine into the side corner of the table and for the whole maths period I was lying on the table in an awkward position, hoping for lesson to be over. I went to the sick bay for a while after that and didn't want to tell anyone of this silly incident. :/ kuku girl told andy about it! Urgh!! I knew he was going to nag ALOT, so didn't plan to tell him, but yeap, he did nag, ALOT! hahahah! Okay la, its for my own good =] thanks baby for the nagging sessions! haha..

I persisted in going for tuiton today, so limped my way for tuition and texted andros-ge and asked how he was. Yeah, he said he'll call tonight to crap with me, but I guess due to the nagging mom thing, he decided not to. well, not to blame, disappointed I am, but what to do? I can't force him right?? &&, dar is another one, with the mom being naggy, which is understandable~ So I guess I can't blame em. 2 most perfect choice of crappers to crap with me, yet both unavailable, guess 3rd and final choice would be the best, which is LITTLE JUNIOR! Realise that was what I asked in the beginning of my blog. Yeah~ Little junior, will you ever talk to me and hear my sorrows or joy or words? Be there for me 24/7 and give me comfort?? I miss talking to andros-ge, and of cause baby. Just cause he just called me 5mins ago to say good night? :] haha sweety~.. But I still didn't say much, and I'm in a moody state right now. A bit tired, yet a bit blur~ Tomorrow is going to be triple science and double languange period. Crap! I don't feel like going to school tomorrow, someone apply leave for me :(((

I just want to crap with someone, is that hard? I guess its too much to ask for.... Little junior, talk to me...

Last day of church;

2008-06-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

I've enjoyed going to church for the past 2 weeks. Been there twice, inclusive of today. It was fun indeed. I'm going to miss there, as due to my parents, they forbid me of going to church of weird and funny reasons; and ended the sentence with, " you have no choice of whether you want to go, you listen to me! " Interesting right? Yes, indeed. I thought we had this thing of choosing what religion we want to believe? But I guess all these only works when you turn 21. TWENTY-ONE! What an age. Looks like I have to wait til then, before being allowed to attend church, and hurray, another 5 years more to go. How short is that?? tsk, I hate this, I want to have a say, yet I don't want to rebel them. I really respect their decisions, and I could have continued with telling lies all the way? & never inform them about me going church, yet I picked the courage to tell them the truth. Yeap, I expected them to respect my decisions, but seems like they didn't. Oh hell, nevermind.... I'm just glad I enjoyed the day today..

I woke up quite early today, got ready and took a bus to meet up with andros-ge. This time, I was super happy about the bus ride to Bukit Timah, cause the bus driver was, not only HOT, but he was kind-hearted too! As bus drivers, as long as your passengers get on board safely, you can just drive on and continue with your journey. But instead, this bus driver waited for the old lady to walk up to her seat, then smiled and drove off. He was super super hot "/ *baby don't get jealous* =p haha! &&, finally met andros-ge and we went to have lunch together, me, him, little junior (aka bear) & we waited for marco to arrive. He took super long and we just waited while staring at each other; "stoning" for half-an hour? Not moving, and waiting for marco to arrive.

Soon, he came, they bought some lunch while I stoned and went to "church of singapore"! Was late, thanks to andros ^^ and the group people ate together, while andros was playing the guitar. Super nice "/ I envy guitarist, cause I can't play the guitar though my dad volunteered to teach? *sighs* Oh well, baby; know how to play any instruments? x) hahaha... We went up to start the session, and I told a lie about going to the library to study as I knew my parents would disapprove me of going to church. But, I did tell them in the end, but seems like its what I predicted, failed!! &&, we started the session, pastor Daniel was being his usual friendly and hillarious dude :D Andros was being his MSN 0.5 again!. He wrote it on his notebook and started passing to all to write.. Example Marco *online*, Sze Ern *online*, Andros *online*, Jesylin *appear offline* x)) Super cute! &&, during the session, other then listening, we were drawing. Gosh, didn't know he could draw? and its really draw?? He should have taken art, instead of pure geog which he's failing, BADLY!! haha. poor boy. But anyways, there's this kid infront of me, his name is Darren, Kawaii boy. Barely primary 3? & he kept on pointing towards "little junior"! He wanted to hug it, but being selfish me, I wanted him to myself, cause it was from someone special to me, :D bleh~~

For the whole session, it was disturbing Darren, Andros, drawing and hugging "little junior".. JEALOUS? :p just kidding ^^,
And after that we went for some games, and of cause Darren being sticky to me, he started to tickle me, then anyhow! Lucky never touch anywhere ah. I guess he's really high, sugar level to the max :/ hahah!.. Then I had to go home after that, Andros walked me to the bus-stop.. & we had to jay-walk -.- Great! One day if I happen to get caught for jay-walking, we shall know who to blame :) haha... Thanks alot, for dragging me across! Going home was a bore, so I drag my feets and didn't cross fast.....it was super dangerous :/

Took a bus back and home sweet home.. Discussed, or shall I say, consulted my parents about the church thang, and they were "NO!" but least they tried to give a reason, but in the end it is still, cause I say so :p hahaha! cute ah... anyways, that was my day... So tiring....

"~One way, jesus. you're the only one that I could live for"
One way - Hillsong (the one played by the church band was nicer :/ ) haha!

&&, did you know something?? Andy darling's going to sew something for me!!! well, it's going to be a handphone pouch, but hey that's not the point!! how often do you see a guy sewing for his girl?? Not me, I've never seen someone like him, to sew something!? :((( I'm so touched!! Seriously touched that he's going to make something like that for me.. awwwww, though he isn't the first, andros was 1st, making some simple yet it was hardwork for him "/ thanks!! But, baby, i'm proud of you!! sew!!! I can't even sew to be honest :p hahaha, maybe you shall be the one doing the house chores at home and take care of the kids while I go to work? x)) just kidding!!!.. *DREAMING* Can't wait for the end product :D wheeee~~

2008-06-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

Its been quite some time since I last posted online. I've been quite busy, or let's say frustrated due to some fact of meeting unreasonable people, and another point to pin out is that I've been disappointed over and over again, that I've totally lost hope...

A few days ago, the first operation was made and let's say it was quite successful and some things have been removed safely. That's good. But the thing is that he's bald now, and he often has headaches which hurts me deep inside whenever he tells me about it. "/ I just wonder why can't I just help him lighten his sufferings just a bit? & help him, through cheering him up! That's my goal for the period~ [: Finally for once, I had a goal. Congrats to me ^^,

Anyways, I just want to say about today was that the O's Chinese ORAL examinations are here, and I'm freaked out about some topics and especially during the convesation part where I'd start to freak out about the topic and lose all my concentration about the answers. That would actually kill me in the exam hall and I might cry there, cause I ain't close to strangers, and especially strangers.. :/

&&, today I went to find andy baby, right after school to get something from him. A bus ride of an hour or more? Just to get there to get this teddy bear!! It must be a real important package as it made me travel so far for it :( But my motive was to meet up with andy, yet he didn't show up? Instead his sister passed the present to me and on seeing her, I saw the other one behind her. Yeah, its weird to see her, especially the facial expression she gave?!?!? I don't owe her a living and I deserve what I should get now!! :D kuku. Her facial expression killed me and gave me the idea that I owed her something big!! dang!! But on seeing her, I took off and left van with her.. Wellwell, i'm sorry van for not helping you :((((....
anyways, went to get some ice-cream and homed.. Once again, he failed to meet up with me, and I was disappointed and sad of cause. But luck me he called me to talk to me. (: nice right? hahaha... Took another hour home and walked home after that.....

Met up with alot fo familar people =D miss em all!! sobs... homed and rested a while before going to tuition.. mr low bought cookies and cream hershey chocolates for me!!!: D omgomgomg, its been a long time since I last saw it...!! then tasted it?! its heaven!! [<3]>
but one thing good about it is that..... it barely sticks onto his wrapper and I can eat it til i'm shiok xDD thanks mr low!!!!

went home and chatted online with phone.... so bored now and tired... going to sleep then?? toodles~~~

2008-06-25T14:38:00.000+08:00

Up til now, I have actually thought that I needed a long time to think it through things alone, but no, I don't need that time, I don't ever want to be alone!! Andy, what ever happens you cannot leave me you hear? I need you, I really do. I've been stupid to think about the previous things.. I can't do without you... You're my batteries to keep me running and living.. Without you, its the end of world for me.. Yes, at times I may be disappointed but hey, I still want you, I NEED you!! BADLY!!

For the whole morning, you've been on my mind.. ALWAYS!! I don't know why? I thought I needed some time alone, but no, I needed you! But you weren't available, and I didn't know any other option of how to get through to you. I'm worried baby. I want you :( Yes, you're going through alot, I must be understanding.. I guess that is one point that you liked me for, so I must be that!! Understanding and willing to hear your problems, stand by you and be with you! YOU ONLY!! You're mine! No one will be able to steal you away, NO ONE! Who ever comes and challenge me, i'll fight through, fight with all my energy and soul, and never give up til I have you =]]

I'm sorry for being the childish me yesterday, but I really really hope you'll read this, I REALLY DO! and please, call me when you're awake, :[ i'll be waiting by the phone.. & take care... I'll date you some other time alright? but i'll be the one going to find you so you can just relax and rest at some place while waiting for me okay?

baby i love you...

Thanks andros-ge for enlighten me =] you're the best, thought it through about that question, and i can answer it to you with all my confidence and soul TONIGHT!

2008-06-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

I really, don't know what to say....
My day has been a hectic one, chaos all over.. Plans, that was what we had. But things had to go wrong, ALWAYS! Why? Why must this happen to me always? Is it me, or did I do something wrong that I have to deserve this?? I don't know..

Tuesday, the worse day of the week, yes indeed. The day was filled with triple science subjects, each for around 2 periods, and 3 periods of enligsh with another 2 periods of chinese. Interesting right? Total, I end up studying up til 4pm today. It was tiring but the thing that kept me going on and motivated me for the day, was the meet up with andy baby.. Yes, it was him all along. My source of energy and happiness! Hmmm, I didn't hope much, and yes, something did happen and the meet up was delayed. I was hurt and sad at first, but thank god he called after an hour of wait in school. He was coming over so I just waited happily, with HOPE! Yet things had to happen more than once. The bad news just come crashing onto me, I fell! I was depressed, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to say this "I knew this was coming" but I can't bear to say that. I know what he's going through and his sufferings. As his girlfriend, I must understand things right? I was wrong to think that way, and then I waited still. Texted his sister to get information of him, but I got this text "You shouldn't have left him waiting for a cab alone."

After reading that, I felt guilty. It was my fault. I shouldn't have left him waiting for the cab. I should have known better right? I can walk,run healthy but no, I didn't take the initiative to look for him! Crap! Kimberly, its all your fault!! Its ALL your fault!.. But I as I thought, why not find him wherever he was? Yeah, I went up, planning to go woodlands, but instead I went to boon lay. Some very foreign place for me ;[ I was alone again, I really really hated that feeling, but for him, I risked going to some weird place that I barely can even remember being around there? I got directions and wanted to visit him. But seems like mommy was being all "why ain't you back yet?" As you guys know, boon lay to bishan, it takes minimum an hour or so? I don't know. But seriously, time seems to pass more slow when you're in the rush! I was freaking out and wanted the train to move faster. But the speed didn't seem to increase, and the time taken between each station grew. I panicked! I wanted to see him and be there for him. But seems like as soon as I reached boon lay, it was already late! I didn't know what or where to go, but lucky for van, I got to the destination and gave what I wanted to give to andy, and went back.. Imagine an hour of transportation from one area to another, just to give him something? I wanted to visit him, but seems like the father is someone who's very strict. So I guess the only thing is that, I had to go through meeting van to pass her the things..

I went opposite to catch the next bus back home. I waited and looked at the time. It was running faster than expected! I worried again, so I decided to switch off the phone, and avoid all watches or anything that shows the time. I was worried for andy, and I was worried about us! On the way home, on the bus, I thought about things... I can't and didn't even get to see him... The only thing that connects us is the handphone. & I know that as soon as my handphone gets confiscated thanks to the overpowered bill, I'd be lost! I can't and will not be able to contact him, neither will I be able to talk to anyone.. Sad and lost.. The handphone, is all I got, and the main item that brings us together closer each day. With it gone, what am I going to do? Anyone willing to tell me? I'm really lost, and I don't like this kind of relationship. I want to be able to hold my boyfriend's hands, able to hug him and feel his warmth. & instead not sweet talk through typing texts, nor through the phone? I don't want to only see his words, nor hear him. I want to be able to hold him while hearing him talk, feel the warmth of his words and hands. I really would love to have that, but I really can't bear to tell him. I know typing it hear, he'll be able to read it. But I just want to say, I don't want to put you in a bad situation, to have you force or strain yourself. Baby, your health matter most. I don't give a shit about the warmth or whatever, as long as you're alright yourself, health-wise! You know your own health right? Why?? Why can't you just take care of yourself?? I don't want nor wish to nag on, because I know you're already feeling the guilt. But I just want to say, I want you to be alright.. Operation coming soon? Just do it, chances of success are low, but I have faith in you. I trust you'll be able to do it, yes you can. Do it for me... baby, i'm sorry to make you worried when I switched off my phone. I guess I needed some time to relax and think through.. Love you always...

i've lost all hope for another meet-up... I really have, i've died from dates...
& i haven't eaten since the lunch break, but seems like i won't be for the next few days, I have to appetite and i'm depressed, confused...
Someone show me the light path out of the darkness, show me the fun and leave the sufferings! I want the sunshine after the rain!! :/

Disappointed;

2008-06-22T15:41:00.000+08:00

I was all ready for the day out!! Too psyched up for the day that I actually woke up at 6am! I can't believe it. That was the first time, my reaction for a day out with baby?? Yeah, in simple term, its called "excited"!
I was waiting for the time, hoping it would come soon, but at the same time, I didn't hope for much. I didn't want to fall from a great height of hope. But nevermind, some things happened and I had to wait for him. Its okay, because for him, i'm willing to wait. I waited for hours, and it was super awkward to wait, in a dress in junctionEIGHT! Everyone was staring, I just looked at my feet. HEELS! I was freaking wearing heels :[[ *got a blister* I waiting, until I finally told him, you stay at the hospital, I'm going over to my friend's place earlier, so see ya~.. Disappointed I was, sad about the failure in meeting up. But I put up a fake front and.... called the friend but seems like she's sleeping still... DOTS!
Looks like calling andros-ge was the best thing!! Free and available as always~ [: But didn't really know where he was, instead I took a bus to BUKIT TIMAH!! oh my....! Super far, and plus we were going CHURCH! Haha~ What a fun thing? I didn't even had the slightest idea about church, cause that was the first time going there.. Andros-ge was being all nice again! So scary! "/ I made him wait around half-an-hour for me just to reach there :] nice right? haha! We actually WALKED a distance to the place, it was tiring :((( I guess inside was fun! WE had some session where the pastor was giving his talk, and the amazing thing is that, everyone was listening!! how nice if school was like that too :p hahahha! I WISH!!
Anyways, after that, went around the area with andros-ge, then suddenly we saw this vase of flowers and asked whether do i like purple flowers.. SO SMART! :D Well, not like i've recieved it before? But i don't mind :p Went around the "balcony" and up and down some stairs, having so much fun!! Then some singing and went to meet with his "group" peeps! What nice people!! (: went into some room together, played some games and had loads of fun!! hehes. Saw andros-ge laughing for once!! Thanks to marco xD what a funny dude (: But after some discussions with the peeps, I had to go. WAS LATE!! super duper late!!
Andros-ge sent me off at the bus-stop, I got up the bus and *sighs* all alone in a crowded bus. I don't even know where to stop, neither do I like being alone in a strange place. I just stood there, at the walk-way.. Then they were squeezing each other until...... some peeps knocked into me... Owww and ewwww.. Zomg. I really wanted to run out of the bus :/ but i just stood there, and........ ah dang... i finally got off at little india station, and felt relieved... Took a train to serangoon station and was LOST again :((( I hate this feeling of being alone and lost :/ haiz.. i nearly cried!! Like wth, where's this strange place and how to get to somewhere familar?! ARGH!! I was pissed with myself being so useless... I can even get lost in singapore?! What if its somewhere else like malaysia?? Haha..
Finally, after a long wait for some weird bus, i got there, just only 1 hour 45mins late.. xDD I was being all weird again for the night. Watched some movies with the peeps, talked with baby on the phone.. and went to sleep... The night was lonely, I was worried about what might happen :/ intruders in his house!! But, i believe he won't do anything, he has my trust... [:

Next day, woke up with such a huge headache, and ate some breakfast asap! Just in case someone might nag at me again ^^ Well, i don't wanna type anymore.... Ain't in the mood.. *haiz!* stupid ear, why must it hurt so much!!

&&, there;s school tomorrow!! boring? but i can't wait for tuesday (: whee~~

2008-06-21T06:34:00.000+08:00

Early in the morning 6.30am! What the hell am I doing up so late and indeed, updating my blog. [: its a surprise, and all I can say, I've been waiting for this day for quite some time already. ^^,

Anyways, yesterday was super duper fun!! Meeting up with JASMINE MOO MOO MILK; aka my primary school friend was SEX! She's still as fun as she can be, being the cute little girl like I've known her since primary school. *sighs* I miss my primary school days. [: Wellwell, met up with her early in the morning. I tried on a suit my aunt bought for me, with some eye-shadow and stuffs. But I really really can't get used to this "/ But its okay, i'm going to try it again today!! But you know, one thing about these eye-thangs; you can't rub your eyes :(( Even it itch like HELL! Wellwell, sacrifices must be made to look pretty right? Hehes..
&&, I met her, went to hougang to get some "stuffs" from some peep! Wow, didn't know she does that too "/ but i'm still proud of her to be able to be so independent! :p Wahahahaha~ I feel so evil.. &, chat up with her on the train ride to vivo city.. Its... super tiring!! :[ I realise that I need to learn how to withstand long distance rides of the train; STANDING!! I don't mind sitting cause my butt gets to rest :p, but definately not sitting though =] Must train!! Everyday early in the morning, taking the first train to jurong, and back to bishan then to school xD I must be real nuts!!
Well, vivo was as big as usual, we kinda got lost looking for the cinema "/ But, we were smart, we followed the crowd and we saw... LONG QUEUE!! Omg, we wanted to use the AXS machine but no card ;[ Oh well, we queue with the peeps, and wanted to watch "don't mess with zohan!" BOOOO!! i ain't officially 16?! what the hell?! its just the month!! Why not let us in on the accord I wore make-up to look older?! xDD Just kidding. Oh well! Kungfu panda was selling fast too, so I guess that leaves us...... INDIANA JONES! Oh MY GOSH!!! One hell of a cute, funny, adventureous yet lame show ;/ What a waste of my cash! now, i;m officially broke! hurray xDD UFO ain't suppose to be in the dang show!! It spoils everything :] Oh well, what our luck!
Went around, Jasmine wanted to get a NOVEL to read! NOVEL!! What the? She's those bung girl, with piercings and highlighted hair [nice colour] WHO READS A NOVEL?! Oh my gosh! that part of my really shocked me :]] and she goes to the library!!! xDD what a cute girl!! omg, i miss her so much now :p
Homed after accompanying her to pierce her upper ear, so proud of her! *sniffsniff* and too, i helped her refill her zippo!! Thanks to watching kor refill it once, but too, mine overflowed!! ;/ i thought I was going to die!! I had flameable liquid on my hands!! xDD Sweet~
Sent her home, and I too went home, enjoyed the breeze of the air when I came home.. So cooling and refreshing..
HOME-SWEET-HOME baby!

welcome back [: and too i can't wait for later!! xDDD tuition was a bore, yet I knew some secrets from my school peeps from there :DDD hoho~.. Hurray to the day!!

iMADEamistake

2008-06-20T08:14:00.001+08:00

a mistake indeed. I wasn't sure. I was not clear-minded when I said those stuff. I don't know.. I told a lie... I didn't want him worried... I drank to my fill and fell fast asleep after baby left. I'm sorry..

My day yesterday was a fun one, after chatting with andros-ge, I was quite alright. I just suddenly had this attack of 'the-conscious' at my brains. I was guilty of things that I should not have done. I wanted to tell him. Yet, at least now I know, baby's been there for me always too, I shouldn't be so self-thinking and just think for myself. True, I had to pick. Yet that doesn't mean the other have to leave right?! *sighs* I really don't know what to do. Beer really can drown your sorrow, but only for that moment somehow. After you wake up, you get a huge headache and of cause, remember the things that happened before. I guess drinking was a wrong thing, especially on empty stomach. I didn't want anyone to worry, so I just said I ate rice and some weird stuffs. I'm such a jerk....

This morning, after that particular text, I felt the world has crashed. Its like, losing a loved close one? So hurt and depressing. *grrr* I can't believe it!! But, if you insist, I'll leave you alone for that moment. & let you decide on how things can carry on after that. I'm sorry I said those stuffs to you that night. I was wrong, I didn't want to say anything but I too told baby about it. He was nice, and that's one thing that I really loved him for. He thought about others before himself. :] &&, of cause, if I treated him like crap, i'd get striked by lightning once I step out of house! But, this will not be called "repay" feelings, cause I know, I really love him, for all that he has done, and of cause being there for me, loving me and giving it all. I must be faithful to him.. Yes I must. No mixed feelings. I once said, 'only he can leave me, I cannot leave him' and of cause, I mean what I say! So I guess, SADLY, i'm going to stick with you for the rest of your days! haha! Torture you :D whee~

Andros-ge, you're my gan-ge, its wrong... haha, anyways, you're already going through alot, i'm here to help lift your burden instead of adding it on.. Hope you take it that i've never said anything yesterday [: &&, i guess if I really had mixed feelings, it'd be one sided and.. its too, no happiness.. Soo its okay to let it go.... Forget it...

Baby; i'm looking forward to saturday (: i can't believe what i'm going to say but, i'm going to dress-up!! ^^, i'd bet, walking around in my town area would really really attract all those familar peeps cause, i look feminine ^^ I'll try to become one too, NO PROMISES.. &, i want to see you in a dress!! I'd do the make-up for you pretty boy (: you'd look great! Sisters day out! you can qiao your pi gu and walk in heels, i'm so going to love it :p.. Love you baby~ I can't wait. don't disappoint me.....

*doubt plan B can be carried out now...* Hmmm, i wonder...

Wheee~

2008-06-19T17:47:00.000+08:00

I love my aunt!! She's the best :D Well, she definately can't replace my mom, but I'm sure my aunt knows me more than me mom! My style of fashion that suits me, and of cause the colour I like! Somehow she always makes me feel that she's my second mom :D The one who really understands me, and of cause, she's being the "miss nicest" here today! Buying me new outfits!! [<3]!!

Anyways, let's start off with the introduction of the day! Got ready and left the house, not sure about where to meet her and I ain't familar with AMK central. So I ended up wandering the whole estate just to find her!! Urgh! Its like playing hide-and-seek :D Told you peeps i'm not good at directions!! *f9 to geog! hurray!*

&&, my grandma who was working there, she bought me some wonderful porridge to eat! Hmmmmmm~ Wonders* that must be what andros-ge must be eating for the past few days now.. SO NICE!! :p hahahhaa~ And.. Off we started with our journey!!

WITHIN; amk area, I bought... 1 black shirt, 1 shorts, 1 jumper? Or is that what you call that with the pants with those strip-like thing connected :D yeahyeah! That!! &&, on walking, a puma shirt, and a present tee for someone :D Wonder who uhhh?? ^^, A secret.. Depends actually.. :/ I guess one would like it, while the other...... I ain't sure cause..... Urgh! Its frustrating!....

Left AMK, went to bugis to get some stuffs from there too :DDD Ended up at MacDonalds, ate some snacks and replenish our energy before leaving to buy MORE!! :D got a dress then.. Hmmm, I guess i'll be wearing that.. It's the most feminine outfit that i've got? & I guess I'd look pretty young in that? :x haha!! You'll know it soon baby ^^

&.... Off to bugis street, to walk around.. Wanted my aunt to buy something for herself. I spent like... about hundred?? Gosh... But in the end, we ended up at some cosmetic shop, she got a "pencil" and some glitter thingy. For the eyes (: Guess i'll be using that too. Haha! I'm going for a make-over!! Be GLAD OKAY?! I don't usually do these :p

Off to find more things, but got real tired and went back to home town!! [<3]!!
Went to get the last item, which is a bag.. Hmmm, wonder will it match? hope it will cause.. I really hope my aunt's effort won't go to a waste :[ & make sure you like it too uh!! Or else... :/ Nvm, got no comments xD.. What i'm going to do to you, will be something that you'll FEEL!!! AGONY AND PAIN!! :DDD hahahhaha...

Home-sweet-home at last.. okay got to stop here!!!
Have to call kuku andros-ge to cheer that dude up!!! toodles :D

PS; [<3] TONIGHT- FM static

2008-06-18T08:10:00.000+08:00

*yawns* Can't believe I woke up at 8 even though I tried to sleep more. Tsktsk, looks like i;m bent on sleeping less :p
Anyways, had a great talk with baby last night, Hmmm, I've thought it through. As his girlfriend, I'm not going to blame myself with stupid things. Neither will he. We will be going through thick-and-thin together, supporting each other in whatever ways we can. And especially, being strong for each other. iloveyou~ Just trying to hang on for each other, and one thing.... I'm missing you like hell now ^^ *shhhh* Trying to keep this a secret, or else you'll be airing your heads up high again. Tsktsk.. Just want to say, never blame yourself for the things that happen. NEVER! I'm going to hate you if you do that.. Promise me, you'll be strong no matter what. the ending Outcomes decides it all, but as long as I know you've been strong and had the fighting spirit to the end, I'm going to say this... "I'm proud of you my dear!" Yeap! Memories will be kept within me, happy things! I'll never forget you. [: you've enhanced my love life, and though there are ups-and-downs, I still feel blessed being with you. I don't blame you for anything okay? &, i will do things for the best for you. I don't know but I'm going to follow what I feel. Even if it means having to erase your memories of me, just to make you happy. Yes, it'll hurt for me, but for you, i'm willing to go through anything..
you're my everything.~But if you really left, it'll be hard on me definately, but to repay you for being strong, trying to hold on til the end, I'm going to be strong too! i must be.! I'll survive, and for you, help you to fulfil the things you've missed out {: okay? ^^ Take care baby~ Drink more water and of cause.. Miss me! :p [<3]

Seems like, due to the phone bill constrain. I guess it will definately be confiscated :/ I;m sorry peeps for those who really want to contact me or what. I'll find a way out. Either by buying a pre-paid card, or something ^^ But, don't worry. I guess i'll still have my laptop.. Soo, its still available? {: lalalala~

I want to apologise to ben for not jioing him out for the past few days :[ Seems like i'm on a tight schedule for the time being. But when school reopens, we can go out together right? Just in school uniform? :p haha! That's cute okay?!

Andros-ge, remember to stop zilian!!! Everytime take photo of your tongue! Aiyoh. Worse than me uh.. (: Just take care.. Til we meet next time, let's see how your tongue heals and we start being the best bitch and bastard siblings ever to evil-ly laugh at peeps!! huawahaha~~ Best at the...... "ehem security guard" but please control your adrenaline thingy. So scary :[ doidoi! okay, that's all!!!

having bball training soon! toodles peeps!

Happy 1st month

2008-06-17T19:31:00.000+08:00

One month anniversary (: Hurray~ I guess, my relationships would really last long {: though its only the first month, I guess... its going on strong! baby, I love you loads~ I really do...

Okay, A bit on what I did today. Met up with andros-ge today.. & he was being all "i'm early, you're late thing!" Okay we're even so stop it ^^ Went to town, clark quay.. In short, Its just pure walking, jay walking across the street, stoning at star bucks, at some staircase, at the roof of the esplanade, and quarrel with the esplanade security guard!! Okay that scene was totally horrible and terrifing :/ I guess I wasn't used to it.. Please don't be so fierce anymore, its totally scary! Argh~
Went for more walking, stoning and back to town, far east (: Waited for the piercer, upskirt some girls (not me!! So innocent) And we were totally being the bitch and bastard siblings :D we were totally in love with being the worse! Looking at one couple below, laughing at the girl crying, trying to guess what exactly happened! We were guessing things like, 1. She's crying cause she broke a nail... 2. She's pregnant and she's worried that the mom will kill her! etcetc. it was super fun!! :DD
Other thing, SHORT TONGUE!! Said by the piercer by himself!! Short tongue, wanna pierce tongue. Ouch!! I saw the process, I looked away. Too scared about the pain! Eeeee~ Okay, I don't want to pierce my tongue anymore!! No one can force me (: lalala~ Kuku short tongue!! Eat more ice!, Drink more ice water! Take care of the tongue! ONE MONTH!! after that, you can do anything you want, pierce the fork through (: be my guest! haha.. And after that we went back.. He went for school, i went home.. Standard.. But I guess I listened to his wishes and too pierced.. But it was my ear instead. (: soo total of EIGHT piercings!! woots!!! Loving it!...
17.06.08
This day, one of my fav days, yet, it wasn't suppose to be spent with andros-ge.. Instead, it should be my baby... But its okay. I enjoyed my day, and really hope he did too..

Actually, til now.. I'm really shitted about things.. Is it me or what.. BUt I feel like i'm failing.. Fail to be the gf.. I don't know.. Each time he tells me about his headache, and the pain he's feeling. I can't help but just to ask, "are you okay?" But in the end, he'd just say, yeap! not to worry.. *THE END*
nothing else.. I really don't like this.. I want to be there, to help cure baby of all his pain.. BUt seems like i'm more than useless... I'm not trying to say that i'm suffering, and no, don't blame yourself.. I just..... feel this..... I don't know how to say, and I doubt I even know the thing myself... Baby, I really want to talk to you... But I just don't know how to start, so I guess running away is my choice of solution... I want to ask... About how you really feel.. right now at this moment.. Its not about being who's right or wrong, but I want to understand you better... Sometimes, I'm feeling that i'm losing the faith in myself.... I don't like the feeling of being constrained when helping you.. Example of, when I hear you sick or in pain, I can only ask. Are you okay.. I can't do anything more.... I want to do something, I hate to just sit and wait... I don't know what to do anymore, but just to be there for you spiritually...
The feeling has definately fade, its my wrong and my problem this time, not yours... But i'm trying to get it back.. don't worry.. i'm going to stay faithful and strong towards you.. til the end...

baby i love you...

2008-06-17T01:03:00.000+08:00

Somehow, my feelings are twirling up. The uncertain feelings surface and I think i'm losing it. Or in simple, I think I'm going to lose it.. My mind most likely. The whole week has been trying to fight through, having faith. Yes, I'm willing to go through all these, and I shouldn't complain. I know. Yet, after that sentence " let's break". The whole world crash onto me. I lost all my hope, I cried all my sorrow out. Til noon, I finally let go of things.. I didn't expect anything, but seems like, the journey for us didn't end. I'm happy, I really am. I'm feeling the whole of a heart again, but somewhat, the feelings ain't how it used to be anymore. I'm sorry... I'm finding the feelings back, yet I'm scared too. One setback of a break-up is one hell of an impact to me already, I fear that "death" might actually come across my mind, though I've been trying to be strong, fighting all the way.. Another fall, might really bring out the "outcasted" side of me.. I'm afraid, but neither ways do I want it to turn out. I want you, yet I'm losing it! Okay, I guess I don't really make much sense.. But anyways,

happy one month anniversary~

I shall start telling about what I did today. Had to wake up at 5plus today, as I promised myself, NOT to be late for the appointment. Reached there on time! But somehow.. Someone was LATE! haha, I'm so going to suan til I'm satisfied (: hehes.. He came, and we went off to town! Early morning 8am, for breakfast. Going to town, thought of the nice food there? Yeap! But guess what we ate? MacDonalds!!! Awesome, kuku head spoke chinese!! China man!! :D He ate someone which he hated, but it was his first time, so sorry :/ We went around town, visits to hotel toilets!! Awesome times spent!!! To think we were dreaming of staying there?! Each room cost hundreds, each meal cost hundreds! Total equals to thousands! Then we just went out, looking depressed. Well, least I got a chance to use the toilet (: hurray~ Went around the place again, around far east, around paragon, around herens, more hotels and finally we left town and off to ACS [barker]. I couldn't believe his description about the school so I thought why not check it out myself? :DDDD AWESOME PLACE!! dang, I'd kill to get there!! Sadly its a boys school. Hmmm, I don't mind becoming like the drama show, "hana kimi" and start changing into a guy, just to get into that school!! :D Woot!!! 1st sight was the swimming guys!!! AWWWWWW.... It was sooo nice to see em reflex their muscles and swim laps. Too bad the water polo team had training in the afternoon, so wouldn't be able to get a chance to check em out :( saddenning! But went to check out the places, with the lockers, library, basketball court, canteen, tennis court, concert hall, and we took lifts!! LIFTS!! they have LIFTS!!! what the?? I was filled with so much envy I didn't want to go :((( SOBS!! But in the end, went back to far east, and we stoned while waiting for the 12noon to strike and it'll be his dooms day :D haha! We had fun, strolling around, talking! plus crapping alot and we bought this anklet together. Dang, everytime he forces to pay! Its not fair! :/ I guess I owe him x( But nevermind, will try to get a mirror for him, hello kitty~~ :DDD pink pink!! :x In the end, things happened, stuff myself with bensandjerry icecream, I was desperate for ice-cream.. He too bought me that.. I spend soo much cash on him!! i'm guilty!!!! :[[[ Then I sent him off for school, he gave me some nice eclipse~ Which was my present :D lovely!! he actually made em for me... and one thing is that, he was there when I was down.. argh~....

2008-06-16T15:56:00.000+08:00

Life is so fragile.. If you don't treasure it now.. I guess before you know it, it'll be over...

I guess our journey ended a day earlier than expected.. I was shocked, yet when I heard the news, I was numb... I didn't feel anything, neither sad nor did I want to cry.. I didn't know why, but I felt, I needed to cry, and wanted to.. Tears couldn't come out... Showing my tears to andros-ge was a bad thing, I guess I controlled it real hard.. & sorry, I might have spoilt the day out with him just cause of my mood change...

I didn't want this to happen, I was looking forward to the 1st month anniversary.. I was... Although I knew and hoped that there would be more than 1month of anniversary, I guess god was selfish.. I didn't know, have I owed people things, that i'm having this curse?? For once, i've finally put in all my feelings into this relation, yet... It has failed me.. Seriously, this was the only time, I loved my boy deeply... But it never exceeds the 1st month.. Its my curse, I can never have a relation... I don't feel like and have no confidence in having a new relation again...

i really loved him, why must god take him away from me?? WHY??? I can't even celebrate our 1st month together? Can't god let me have him, just for that day? Why?? Why must it be today????!!! **** hell! I don't know whether to scream now, or just cry silently in my heart... My day out, was a great one.. I was out with my ge, yet... Things have to happen. Why today?? Why?!?! Can someone tell me why??? Why must I suffer? Am I fated to not have a loveable relation? I hate this.... I really wanted someone to love me, and me love him... Is that wrong??? & why me?? What have I done to deserve this?? Why can't god punish me in another way, why must it be the ones I love.. If its something that I've done, LET ME SUFFER ALONE!!!! Why must you take him away???? I had faith.. He was going to be okay... He was going to suffer.. I don't mind losing half of my living years just to let him live!! I want him to live... Why?? Why must he suffer??? I want him to live life!! Just like a normal teenager! There's so many others concerned for him! I must have been that jinx in his life... Maybe if I haven't come into his life, maybe if I was just away from him, he would have lived....

I don't mind.. I don't mind losing half of my life, don't mind to have to leave him, or maybe if he does forget his memory, just let him live... I don't mind, having to eat vegetables and cut off meat, just to let him live... As long as he lives, I'm willing to do things... I love him, please don't take him away from this world.. There are many who needs his concern and he's a nice guy.. I'm sure all those sin that he've done, he'll change... But please, don't take him away from this world...

A miracle is needed, I know its hard, But hope is not down.! I'm sure he'll live.. and get cured from all illness!! Please, let him be able to do that... I'll do anything for him to be able to live....

As i write these, tears fall upon my keyboard, It feels flooded... I guess all my woes are all out... I was harsh to him, to his last texts... I'm sorry.. I just wanted to be alone for that moment.. I couldn't accept the fact that he's leaving me.. I love him so much, i sacrificed for him... True, I don't expect anything in return, but I guess, I just wanted his love... towards me...

Time's running out, I can't talk to anyone nor let anyone know these.. They'll laugh, they'll mock at me. I want to transfer out, I don't want to study there anymore.. My friends will be there, laughing at my sillyness, loving a guy whom I haven't met. Well, I guess i'm really stupid huh? Well, one of my close friend, I thought he knew me well, and will be there to support me. But instead, he insulted me and felt that I was a disgrace to him. Nevermind, I let that aside.. But instead, he joined forces with peeps outside, to go against me!! ME! Why me? I don't care at that moment.. Because I had him to go through things with me.. I was secured and safe...

But now??? I can't say anything... I don't know what to say.. I feel an emptyness inside me.. An empty hole, unable to be filled with anyone... Memories will definately be held, and I'll remember him... I want him to be able to forget me, able to forget all that we've been through, lose his sad memories and sufferings and start over again, that's what I want him to have.. I don't mind... I'll just watch, him being happy with a new and more successful girl, with better career, and enjoy the future.. I'm content already... But now... i'm at home, I can't really talk much to people.. Neither do I want to say anything much.. I rather keep my burden to myself... & maybe just try to erase things....

Again, i wanna apologise for spoiling the day out with my mood swings, I hope to repay you some day.... Sorry andros....

I don't know anymore, whether to live or die.

I'll be strong as promised, but.......

I'll live, my life, and definately live for him...

I still love him deeply, even if I don't show, all I want to say,

Please bring him to a peaceful place,

Let him enjoy

Let him have his fun and happiness

I'll always be there for him

& I love him,

To The End!

2008-06-14T20:51:00.000+08:00

Hey, I guess the blog is just some place for me to write something about? Well, I just want to crap some stuffs now... (: ha~

These few days, after coming back from my trip.. My boy... He left for his operation... I was quite down, thinking and trying hard not to imagine the hard pain and sufferings he had to go through.... Just to clear some stupid illness within his body organ... My poor baby... I knew, I knew he was strong, he will make it through the operation and survive! For me :]
I had faith, and trust with him... I was happy and looking forward for his text, to tell me..

"Hey darling, sorry to make you worry, the operation was a success and i'll be back soon to visit you.."

That was what I hoped for... Indeed, I recieve a text, but guess it wasn't from him, but someone else.. It says...

"The operation wasn't a success and, if he doesn't wake up by tonight, no one knows when..."

It was okay, though a bit down because it wasn't successful, but I didn't lose the faith in him! I know he'll wake up (: I know he will!!

Waited the day, watched more online japanese videos , kept myself occupied.. So I just waited and waited.. Thinking.

He'll be alright right? He promised he'll be back.. he promised... I trusted him

(: yes~ He managed to hear my calls for him.. He woke up, even though it was later than expected, he did! I'm so proud of my baby~ :] I really am!! I'm proud he pulled it through, he made it... baby i'm happy~

I fell asleep, been having sleepless nights, but somehow, knowing that he's awake made me relieved.. I slept the night through... But when I woke up, I looked around. It was pitch dark.. I search frantically for my handphone, hoping for some text, but no, none.. Its okay, no new means no bad news (: taking it easy, I went to wash up... Switched on the comp, more jap videos to complete my hana kimi (jap ver!) Love it.. ikuta toma? is that his name. LOVEABLE sweet! (: So the morning was quite alright, but I was hoping to hear from him... i really did...

Things changed after the clock striked 12... It was around noon and his best buddie told me something... Something which I fear the most!! He fainted.. In the toilet.. & the worse thing of all is that he had to hit his head onto something!! Oh my gosh, I nearly fainted on hearing that.!! I was afraid.! Blood clot. In drama shows, people usually lose their memories when there's blood clot.. I thought;

"what if? What if he forgets about me, what am I going to do? I haven't got proof about our relation. "

"HOW?!"

I totally freaked out! I panicked! I thought loads of things!! Thankfully for his best friend, I had her to accompany me... I calmed down..

"he'll be okay, not to worry, just have faith!!"

Yeahh, that's what I thought... But then, things start to happen otherwise.. The bad stuffs just come pouring down, even though you're at your wits end of holding on and having faith, the bad things, they just appeared on my mind.. SLEEPING! one of the way to keep me from thinking too much, yeah~ I slept for a period of time... But who knew, sleeping wasn't the best solution ever... I went deep into thoughts, thinking about all the "what ifs" questions;

what if he forgets me?
what if he decides that it was troublesome to return back?
what if he found another love one there?
what if he suddenly left........ me, this world.....

I thought about stuffs, i'll be alone.. I gave everything up, for him.. I'm willing to make more sacrifices, just to have his time with me.. I just....... wanted him to be with me......

I woke up, finding myself lying on the couch, I woke up and found blood!! I guess I accidentally knocked my nose when i was sleeping and I thought...... this must be a bad omen! something must have happened!! I really panicked!!!!! I wanted to text, but i was barely 3am there??? I just waited for the best friend to online before asking her for information... I didn't want to disturb her anymore, but I guess that infomation is really important to me...... She was asking me to relax, I thought I should.. But the moment I sat back on my bed, I teared.... I've never teared this badly before! It was for more than a minute... I thought, how I wish I could call andros-gege now? I thought.... oh my gawd, i'm crying at that moment, how can I call him?? :/ But who knew? He called me instead?! At that moment, I breathed and was ready to talk, but the moment I hear his voice, the crying didn't stop.... Sorry, for hearing that moment of unglam moments, I could help it.. Wrong timing uh? :) haha.. dang, I felt so foolish..

Thanks for telling me, that I need not think so much... Although I didn't want anything to happen to him, and I did promise to be strong.. Yeah~ So I must! Until he comes back, I can just fall, and I believe he'll be there to catch me.. =)

After talking to him.. Buddies came online.. GOOD NEWS!!!

"sillyboy woke up!"

"& he sounded happy when I talked to him earlier"

"seems like he's able to make it back on time"

And does anyone knows what that means?! He's ALRIGHT!!! He woke up, he's happy and he's able to make it back.... 17th june... our 1st month. I was so happy then!! :) Thank the gods :') But but, seems like the man upstairs stilll didn't let him go. He left baby a present, a blood clot.. I thought, usually its hard to move with a blood clot, let alone sit a plane and come back?! I'm worried. I haven't got a chance to say anything but I really hope he could take care of his health first...

"Healthcare is more imporant than promises"

Even if he didn't return cause he needed to go for a minor check up, i wouldn't blame him. I really really want him to fully recover... I rather have him in top shape, and give me all his time, rather than have this minor time, just cause of the anniversary.. We can celebrate it next month or so? (: it doesn't have to be this alright?? I want you to take care... Iloveyou~

Breaking...

2008-06-13T18:51:00.000+08:00

I don't know, I can't promise you anymore...
I'm trying very hard to perserver, but it seems to me that you're giving up.. please don't... I know I did promise that I'll keep going on strong.... Even if.......

But It seems like you're not doing what you promised... You said you'll be back.. And give me a surprise.. You PROMISED!!!! & I know that you will, so you cannot give up now! I don't care!! you have to come back... please...... I've lost many things, went through a lot just to be with you, you cannot leave me here alone!! YOU CAN'T!!!!

Hais.. Saying all these don't matter anymore, i'm lost and confused... Its like, I want to think positive but the bad things start appearing in my head!!! I don't know what to do...

She said... If you don't wake up by tonight, you might never......... You said you'll be back... How could you lie.... You said you'll never lie to me... But you did this time.. I really...... don't want to lose you.....

Baby please come back....

FOR BABY!!

2008-06-11T12:22:00.000+08:00

Just a quick post... From msia.. Expensive place... $3 per 20mins! Argh~

anyways sorry baby for not being able to return back earlier, to shower you with loads of love ^^, but baby, please do know that i'll be waiting for yoto come back alright? please don't give up and return! I'll be waiting! 17th june.. you promise for my wonderful surprise right? haha! since you promised, you must make sure you do it (: I don't CARE!! wahahhaha!
& sorry for not being able to return home soon! I'll only touch down at around 12midnight today :(( Sorry baby...
But althought you didn't get to hear my trip story, you can come back and listen alright? (: yeahyeah! you must ^^ you'll have the shock of your life!! hhahahaha!! and maybe a bit jealous :x HOHOHO!!

hope you'll read this before you leave for that 10 hours thang.. Just wanna let you know, i'll be there to support you, ALWAYS!! baby you're mine! ^^ and you better come back asap.. & never ever ask me to look for another bf again alright?? it hurts dammit.. :x aishiteru~
maybe its hard to express how much i hope to be able to talk to you now, but seems like due to some distance problems, we can't hais.... but when you're back, that's when everything will be alright!! right right? (: don't you ever dare to forget me of lose your memories of me ^^ and....... i got something for you! actually. its made by me! haha more meaningful! better get healthy and come back so i can give it to you ^^ hehehs

anyways i gtg! runing out of time! :D and...

andros gege and ben, i'm coming home1!!! get ready for my touchdown text!! :D 12midnight!!!!! HOHO!!!
misses you guys so much!!!! and don't laugh when you see me all black-ER.. i went body tanning!!!! :D seems like my limbs were also tanned.. so its.... from black to blacker :X lalalala..

2008-06-06T23:04:00.000+08:00

"If mcnuggets, mcchicken and mcflurry are the best in the world then I guess you are mcgorgeous.."

-silly boy

Tell me readers, does this sound corny, or is the writer just being plain silly? (: Imagine, a guy writes this for you, what would be your reaction? Awwww~ ain't that sweet (: Yeap! That was my reaction ^^ I'm glad, for once, althought posting it on his blog, he'd have a chance to kill 2 birds with 1 stone, but anyways, I trust its for my eyes ONLY! The other intruder woman should get loss! (:

anyways, few more hours! around 6 to be exact? To wake up, wash up and make our way to the airport. Its super irritating having to put all liquid items onto luggage? Then in my bad, have to stuff all the clothings which I have to CARRY! dammit! :( Just came home from tuition, was wearing a striped tee, with a skirt to tuition?? God, it's definately not what I usually wear! haha, all my FBTs are either packed into the luggage, or torn! xDD Stupid fence incident, got me exposed my.... :x okay~ *past VANISH~* Anyways, wanted to find gaogao out to talk, but seems like he didn't want to come out, so I didn't force him at all :x & they asked me to help em buy some food, so I helped ^^ Nice right?? ;p Baby scolded me. Sorry for making you worried!! But i'm alright! (: no one wants to attack me, cause they know that you'd get revenge if you find out xDD So they are... scared?? Noo~ Aiyah, don't even know what I talking about le :x anyways, I guess I have to stop here cause I'm leaving soon...

PS: i've carved out something.... I guess it might be permernant onto me, but hey, its not sucidial (: iloveyou darling.. Take care when i'm gone... Remember to eat your medications..... sleep early..... Drink loads of water.... Take your temperature often!!... Update your blog!!!..... and miss me!!!!!! (: ^^

2008-06-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

How's the new blog skin? (: haha~ My faithful reader! benjamin! Tag luh ^^

Wellwell, i'm leaving spore soon, seems like I've made some people pissed off, when I talked about not being able to return safely? :x Sorry people! I didn't mean to think that way, but actually, I was just thinking about the WORSE scenerio :x Sorry to make those around me worried...

But anyways, I'd say 7th to the 11th would be the fun yet the loneliest period of my life.. being away from baby hurts.. :x haha.. Haven't been a good girlfriend lately.. I guess~.. Been trying to make him jealous all the time that he's either hurt, or couldn't be bothered about me anymore.. Tsktsk, i'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't play anymore, though I really find that when he's jealous, its when he acts the cutest (: But... At times,people do have their limitations... When things get to far off hand, they blow. Baby has that too, i understand, I should really treat him well now, knowing the sufferings he's going through now? The pain and agony :( Baby take care... Imagine having to eat pills, injections, and chemotheraphy daily basis.. Its tough yet at times, I ain't there for him, yet I had to anger him more! Start crapping about him finding the other girl when he didn't text me.. Or even when he did, I'd be, you texted her 1st, and me next right?? All those crappy things.. I was SUPER jealous. I don't know is it me or my species that we tend to get jealous even at the slightest thing?? i;m trying to change (: I think the power of love has changed me.. Lately, erm, maybe treating to friends is no difference, but I guess towards baby, i've been "soft" :x Okay, me being soft is BAD!! real bad!! I have to be strong, and protect my andros gege from getting hurt! (: Haha, that's a promise I made him ^^ cute fellow~

Oh yeah, speaking about him, let me talk more about him, he's... ME! Me = him! we're going through totally SAME experience. We can even finish each other's sentence and feel how each other feels about a thing (: COOL huh?? :p That's why, he gives me advices, I give him advices.. Not sure whether they even work? but hell, I did try ^^. And dear andros-gege.. YOU DON'T THINK TOOO MUCH!! because you got your mei here to take care of you! hahaha.. Don't worry, at most if you get left on the shelf, you can come live with me and my husband (: WELCOME~~ or the other way round? :p if you're okay with it? xDDD hahah !!

and ben ben ah.. You stop keeping things to yourself can? Its like. CONFIRM CHOP STAMP will blow de!! I don't want you to be like my gf ah. :(( damn sad de ah. She may be a bit better now, but there's still trace of her saddness in her :( YOu cannot' be like that k?? i'll be the listening ear, but even if I can't answer, I'd still be your sandbag to let your anger out.. But keep your hands to yourself xD I meant.. VERBALLY! scold me, treat me as your enemy (: alright??? i'll be here.. (:

& to darling!. Don't know will you ever know this blog, cause haven't told you yet xD wait for you to find out (: I love you!! take care, remember to update uh!! And.... i'll be here for you always~ (: better take care of yourself, our journey has only just begun! we have loads to do.. and baby.. take care!!! drink water, grow more hair if your head get shaved xDD jking (: just make sure you live on, i'll be waiting.. Love ya~

I thought about things....

2008-06-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

Went out with tall dude today, I was frustrated. I was pissed off. I thought a lot of things..

I did something which I promised him that I wouldn't do, or else he would have to ignore me for the days! 3days.. That was the max... Tall dude, couldn't bear to take more from him.. haha.. But anyways, SP was a total bore, no hotties, but the place there looked nice.. Worth considering as its near to handsome's place (:

But anyways, was thinking about things, and planned on asking god-bro out. Seems like last minute rejection, well.. A huge blow at first, but after a while, got better. Hey, it's not your fault, (: I get it all the times. Last minute rejection or cancelling of appointments.. Soo, xiguan ju hao.. Haha.. &... Planned to play ball in tp, in the end.. Things happened and thanks to "rain" we had to cancel it and, I went to emo with my old buddy!!

Sat at some void deck and talked... the air was much more refreshing than usual, so was talking to the void deck cat, super cute, yet such a dao-er.! He was talking to her loved god-mom, and I went for a walk, and suddenly thought about the word.. KARMA! How freaky can it get?? Dammit.! What I've done to others, will come back to me.. I know it! I can feel it!.. I just wonder, will I be able to take it when that comes?? I don't want to love him with all my might, and he ends up leaving with another girl.. That's all I'm afraid of.. & another thing, my dearest ge leaves too.. i don't know how i'd react to that.. I'm lost...... I really hope that...... we would last long and I'll love you, for a long long time..

I have a bad habit, that I can't love someone for long? I can't! i don't know why? I guess that's why my relationships never pass 3weeks, NEVER!! 4 relations, all lasted not more than a month! haha. I guess gaogao really made sense.. WHAT YOU SEE, is more important and believe-able than what you hear (: thanks gaogao. i had fun today...

I love my darling, and i'm leaving, not sure when will I be back? Or will I even be back?? I might..... hais.. Don't think so much.. Til then, i'll miss you guys (:

~to ben, never forget you (:
~to andros-gege, LOVE YOU GE! i've got your back (: FIGHT EM ALL B-ia-TCH! xD

I broke down....

2008-06-02T22:41:00.000+08:00

I dont know what to say or do, neither do I like avoiding the subject...? I'm fucked up about what happened, I'm sad about what wk said to me.. Its not that he's saying something wrong, but he made sense!! I HATE IT!! he ACTUALLY made sense!!! What the hell??

Being the 3rd party, is hard... I didn't want it to be this way. I expected my relationships to be pure love and one-one thing, who knew I had to be the spoiler of the relation?? HELL! I hate myself, I hate being myself!! I knew it was wrong, why did I have to continue?? Why did I have to fall for someone who's already taken?? I love him, i know that clearly.!! He's the only one that I loved deeply that even without texting him for a day, i'd DIE! i don't know why?? I think i'm love sick, every text he sent, i'd never fail to re-read the whole text over and over again, thinking about what he said. Sick right? Yes.. I know... But tooo, i thought about it, if only she didn't show up, and me and him were together one-one thing. How nice would it be? I love him, he loves me.. We were meant for each other...

But there's something I don't like about him, which is his... "xiguan" attitude.. Why? why must he have this attitude that, "xiguan ju hao" thing, which actually allows those other bitches to over-ride him?? why?? fuck hell! I hate it whenever i show him some attitude, and he says sorry instead?! Why?? why did he have to let me?? Can you stop pampering me? I hate this, i don't want to be spoilt by you, especially you! Hais....

Anyways, talked to some peeps today, 3 person, and one of them.... said something and was accurate about it... I don't know but..... being the 3rd party is difficult.. I might end up getting hurt, because of karma? yeah? maybe... but yes, there's a probability that he'll be hurting me, once I give it all into this relation.. I sacrificed my friends for him, even at times, during my free times for basketball , I give it all to him, It was all for him.. In the end, I nearly lost a few of my friends and they hated me, cause of my stupidity! hell, i agree with them that I was being stupid, but I was in love, is that wrong???? Hell, I read about things that girls would do for their love ones, and i thought it was stupid, but I guess i was wrong and understand that now..

Talked at the playground, and I........ fuck.. nvm what happened.. It was unglam moments... I didn't know how to react.. I was afraid.. I didn't want to get hurt, neither do i want to give him up.. I love him... I really do, but someone was saying... if he loved you, he'd be more concerned about your feelings towards things instead of the other? Yes, I know.. But, neither do I want to force him?? hais.. there's alot to consider and alot to talk about.. But I just don't know where to begin! dammit... I'm sorry, but I don't want to give him up and I want to give it a shot.. I believe that i'd make it through, and not fail like how the majority does! I can do it.. provided i'd be strong like....... someone...

I love him, that's all I can say, she took advantage of him, it wasn't my fault if they were to break up! i'm the innocent one.. but seems like everyone's taking me as their cause of breakup! dammit. but actually, he said he'll try to break asap, but i don't know how long can i take it??? i fear i might break.. infront of all.. I fear things... I fear of losing him too!... Sighs.... What to do???

My andros' gege is in msia and I barely have anyone to confine into.. Yes, other friends are the best, but.... i don't think anyone knows me best other than andros gege.. he'd really understands me, and he's ALMOST like me.. :x i really hope to be able to talk to him soon... & hope that.. he'll take actions too.. I fucking hate sharing!! ESPECIALLY WITH A BITCH!! get lost!!!! you SUCK!!

2008-06-01T21:19:00.000+08:00

Okay! Let's crap.. I just want to say.. People who cut themselves to prevent their loved ones from leaving is stupid!! STUPID!!! Damn, I hate these people, I want to discriminate these people who does such silly acts just to try to win back their love or attention. GROW UP!!!
fuck you all~ I don't get it... Example;
your bf's leaving you.. So??? Just to want him back, you say.. "how can you leave me, without you i'll die" then you cut and cut! What the hell??? I know, leaving a loved one is tough, I know! been there, done that.. YES!! But cmon, what's the point???? You think what? You cut, he'll say, "ohh, you're willing to cut for me, come here, i love you *hugs*" ???? NO WAY!! DREAM ON LADY! How the hell did it even get into your brainless head?? -,- ZZZZ.. crap.. Okay let me explain how I look upon love alright? Maybe you reader(s) might have a different opinion, but here's mine..

LOVE
It's very simple! They are feelings, that 2 person, a guy and girl have for each other. Its either you have it, or not! Simple. Alright?? The courtship game between two person will be very exciting and fun (: that's what we call "stead" period of the relationship! Where the guy and girl go on dates, movies, watch stuffs, hold hands, hug and very importantly kiss!! Why kiss? I don;t know! I guess its cause of the special nerve that our mouth have that connects to the sensual hormones in our body?? & if the hormones are released too much, that is when the "dark room" comes where...... ahh you readers should know... More touching occurs and stuffs happen!! Then... after they wake up, they start freaking out!!! haha that's the funny and complicated part...
But other than that, its SIMPLE!! you guys!! Don't think so much!!

If someone want's to leave you, its simple!!
number ONE; its either you did something wrong that anger her/him and its unforgivable or she/he is just being paranoid about it.. Then when this occur, THINK TWICE whether you want to patch back?? Or just move on!
number TWO; its cause of some outer intruders! BUT!! never ever!! blame them FULLY!! actually, 3rd parties are sent by sooo called "satan" to destroy your relationship! If you two are really loving couple, no one can break your relationship with him! NO ONE!!! not even the greatest lightning strike or the earth quake can break you two apart!! Well, if you fail the test, then sorry but he/she have to leave you! he/she were not meant for you... & why should you NOT blame these 3rd parties, its cause, they were just there to make you angry, and what? you start acting all, fuck you, flirt with other guy/girl, okay lo. i also follow i flirt.. and what you end up with? 2 gf/bf flirting with other people til they break! uh-huh!! who's to blame?? YOURSELF right???? ask yourself, why did you have to act that way?? when you act that way, all your ugly-sides start to show.. your opposite will see em and feel digusted and of cause LEAVE!! and what the hell do you do, ohh you leave, i cut!!
FUCK! hell that's one of the lamest thing i've heard??? I mean, his feelings for you, its GONE.. G.O.N.E!! what you going to do about it?? huh? you tell me!? cut yourself, keep him by your side? yeah maybe it will work cause he has the soft spot... he didn't want you to injure yourself!! & what?? you got the body, what else more do you want?????? you got his body, but you can never get his soul, never again. by cutting yourself, you're making him HATE you more!!! you selfish bitch!! and what?? he have to spend his remaining days facing a bitch, someone who blackmail him?? and so? even if you have the body, the soul is gone, the feelings is gone, you will still be given the cold shoulders... and what?? do you feel better? ASK yourself that... do you feel that?? no right?? i mean, cmon, be REAL!! he's going to leave you, FACE THE FUCKING TRUTH!! why bother to injure yourself, scarr yourself for that guy? why not take the time to make-up, make yourself prettier??? and jio a cute-er guy?? :p hahaha that's the best!! ^^, maybe this new guy might love you more??? why not? its possible =) never give up!!

& just to let you girls know... by cutting yourself, you're making em hate you more!! SERIOUSLY!! you make em want to leave you MORE eagerly!!! please, don't cut, to keep him by your side.. its useless! feelings gone = gone!! alright?? understand that please.. PLEASE SPREAD THIS TO ALL THE GIRLS!!! make sure they understand this important!! -,-... or else, the guys can all kiss goodbye to their breakups :D hahahaha

How could you....

2008-06-01T17:24:00.000+08:00

How could you, play with someone's feelings??
How could you, because of the reason that you hated her cca, that's why you broke up with her?
How could you??

I don't know what to say? I don't know how to react?
I'm disappointed.. How could you play with her feelings?? Just because, she was from a cca that was discriminated by your cca peeps, and you left her??

You stead with her, cause she was pretty, you didn't mind her cca at first, but thanks to the widely attacks from your cca peeps, you started to lose feelings for her and you played with her feelings...
2weeks.... that was how long you were with her... I'm disappointed.. & I wonder will I be the next victim??

How could you?? She fucking loved you, and you played with her.. How am I suppose to trust you now??? you tell me?? After what you told me.. i'm confused.. i don't know how to react..Now... everytime you talk, i think about my future.. I'm scared.. scared to go deep into loving you... i don't dare to give you everything. I worry you might break it all once you got it..

I'm lost.. and disappointed... I hate this....

2008-05-31T11:16:00.000+08:00

somehow its weird to post twice, one is the OPENLY type, while the other is hidden... Hais.... I just want to say some stuffs~ I miss you(: Though its been a few hours since our last text, still miss you LOADS! haha. I think about you often, & everytime! Wondering whether did you listen to me and slept well? Rest well enough? (: hahah! I know i very naggy! Listen to me ju okay le ^^

Well, on my way home.. I sat beside a friend.. BUS RIDE! 1hour... I looked my hands, I wanted someone to grab it.. But i don't want him to grab it. I wanted you to appear beside me, grab my hand tightly.. never let it go..
& I was tired. I wanted to lie on a shoulder, but i cannot be him, i wanted it to be yours.. Those muscular yet soft shoulders... Lie on em. Feel the warmth of your hug~ hear you say "I love you"... Simple yet sweet =) That's all.. But seems like all these didn't happen.. Cause it wasn't you... It was my friend.. Someone close. i wanted it to be you thought!! There's so many things i wanna do with you, so many places to go to. imiss you... i wanna hold your hand and never let go....

Tsktsk.. Somehow I think that i'm love sick :X saddening! I sat in the bus, thinking about you.. It made my mind run WILD!! I nearly grab my friends hands, thinking that it's yours.. But like that I worry I might cause some unforseen things :(( I want you to be here... I want you... You only.... Where are you?? come back quickly.... I want and need you!!! :[

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Sighs.. THe hot and cold part of life.. I don't know is it me being sensitive or what, but... i'm feeling the cold treatment from you now... I don't know is it something that i've done, or what. but those treaments.. hurt! I felt warmth at times, you telling me stuffs, but when the cold treatment comes, it's icy cold.. I wanted to know what did i do wrong, but i'm scared to ask.. Til i finally asked you earlier and.. you apologised... Ahhh~ What's worse? feeling gulty or having someone to apologise to you when you know its not his fault in the first place but he's taking the blame. Both = my break down...
Bed~ my pillow was wet... I didn't care, i fell asleep.. I listened to the songs being played by my laptop, i thought~.. How nice if i could turn back time and went back to when we were in the toilet.. with my 2 friends~ They were being nice =) we stayed there, the times spent were going real slow, and besides the feeling i got from that place was.... It was my comfort zone! no disturbance, just the 3 of us inside... We talked about teachers, we crapped about em.. Haha~ Cute.. Those were the memories i loved! thanks to the two friends.. anonymus....
I woke up from bed, i freshened up.. and i was back to being me! just a bit grumpy cause of the cuts on my arm.. ouch they hurt,... but nevermind, my souvenier for the trip (: Lalalala...

2008-05-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

I just want to say.. what the fuck is wrong with you girl???? Why must you make things so difficult for him?? trying to play hard to get? I don't think so?.. you had to injure his precious heart, by making him the cuckold. Fucked someone else just cause he's at overseas now? haha you bitch.. I hate you!! you're such a fuck-ed up bitch!! You disgrace every female species in the world!! because of people like you, others are stero-typing that all girls are prostitutes!! Who sells their body just for cash, and they ain't conserved enough.. So they allow any men to get close and insert their dicks inside you! damn, i hate you.. To think i pitied you for a moment, i wanted to back out.. send my blessings to both of you, but you had to hurt him again and again.. i'm disappointed... Even if its a lie, you didn't have to go to this extend... A guy, having his girl sleep with another man is..akin to destroying his dignity and being treated as a dirt. Its FAR TOO MUCH!
why am i not shocked if he really left you?? =))) i'd be glad for him.. you better have some reflections upon yourself alright???